I’m 18 and I found out I was pregnant the day before Thanksgiving this past year. I was living with my boyfriend.
When he found out, we were happy but we knew what was going to happen. Both of our families had told us if we got pregnant before we got married in August that we would have to abort the baby or move the wedding up! I didn’t want to move the wedding up because I wasn’t ready to get married. But I listened to everybody telling me I had to either abort or get married so when I was seven weeks pregnant. I went to have my baby aborted but before I did, I asked if it had a heartbeat. The lady smiled and said yes it does. And then she said lay back and we’ll get this over with. I looked at my boyfriend and he was in shock that she was going to do it when it had a heartbeat and was a living baby. He grabbed my hand and told me “He loved me and we couldn’t kill a living piece of me and him!” I got dressed and we left.
The next day, I went to the doctor and I got to hear MY baby’s heartbeat. We got married not long after that. We got married on December 22. I am 21 weeks now and I am glad I didn’t go though with aborting my baby. I just want to tell all of the girls on your site. Don’t do what other people want you to do. I read the stories on the site of girls feeling like they have no choice. I felt like I was getting pushed into aborting my baby. But I couldn’t when I found out that a baby has a heart beat at 3 to 4 weeks old. And I will never forget the feeling I feel when I feel my baby kick inside of me. In Just 18 more weeks, I will have a little girl or boy. My husband works 7 days a week now to pay for everything. It is hard but everytime he hears his baby’s heartbeat, he just smiles and says that’s our baby, And it is all worth it!!
Never give up on a life you have inside you. It is the most wonderful thing in the world! I hope my story helps someone else like the stories I have read helped me. Thanks
I was rereading myspace blog entries and I read this one and just thought meh, I’ll post it. It happened last winter, so just under a year ago…and the second flashback is to when I was pregnant all those years ago…
…I can feel that the sun’s going to be rising soon now. I can barely stand and my head’s spinning,
but I’m not that drunk anymore right now.
He looks at me and says, ‘You know, I get the feeling you’re just going to hurt me.’
I raise my eyebrows in surprise, but inside I think ‘No shit ay, what’re you think I’ve been doing this past year with guys?’
He’s standing there, looking at me like he’s seeing an alien or something, like I’m something mesmerizing that he just can’t work out. I just stand there feeling nothing but sick and wanting to go home and sleep. My boyfriend comes back to me in five or six hours.
Then they go and smoke weed again, all of them, and I just sit there on a brick wall and watch it getting light. I don’t smoke weed and I refuse to be around that stuff, he should’ve known that. But no, they’re all in there getting high, other than me.
I just want to go home. I watch it get even lighter, the colour of the sky becoming softer, like the dark blue is melting into white or something, some random sounds begin to be heard here and there; the passing of a train, cars.
I should never have left that flat in Ga, I should have stayed there. It would’ve saved me so much pain and so much worry. It’s only a second’s reach from here. In fact, sometimes I think I’m actually there instead of here, lying on that small double bed with my barely showing belly and the fan whizzing above me in the heat rather than sitting here on this cold brick wall…But I was younger then. I actually cared…
I’m sitting on the old lovely couch in my lovely living room that’s only a few steps long, and the floor is high on one side and low on the other side. It’s so warm, it’s so lovely, I just love my new place, with it’s colourful bright 50’s window, that are all open as a matter of fact, because this February is really hot, or maybe it has to do with me being pregnant.
The fan’s on in the bedroom, and we’re going to buy a cot, and there’s going to be a little baby:). I’m learning to cook nice things, I’m going to take a year off home schooling when the baby’s born, and then I might go to uni, or TAFE, or work, if we need the money, but it’s all going to be okay. I love my little baby.
The baby’s kicking me, and I laugh. The sky’s so blue outside, there’s barely a cloud, it’s just all sun shining and a nice breeze floating through the home. “Hello in there”, I smile. “Liza are you? Or Al? Which one are you going to be?”
But I don’t think he’ll be here though. I can’t imagine life without him, but it’s all looking like I might have to do this by myself. He won’t talk to me. Every night I spend here by myself. I know he doesn’t work til four; I hear noises downstairs at night, I sometimes get a bit worried, I hate being here by myself, but I think that’s the way it’s going to have to be. Oh well, screw that. What’ll be will be. It doesn’t matter. I love my little baby. It’s kicking me. It seems to be responding when I talk. I’ll talk and then it’ll kick, and then I’ll talk, and then it’ll kick again.
And then he comes. I run over to kiss him, I love him so much, just like my little baby, but he’s like a wall of ice.
Then we’re on the bed. He’s feeling so sorry for himself. His mother found out. I don’t remember how.
“You can have an abortion. She’s made an appointment with a Russian doctor for Saturday. He’s good.”
I don’t even shake my head. I just turn away the blue blue sky and the neighbor’s next door talking can you hear baby? Can you hear what your father just said? It’s all quiet in there, who would want to speak to those words of murder?
“Ka? Ka, come on, have an abortion, please. My mother’s so upset. We can have seven or eight later, like rabbits, we can…”
He tries to touch me, but for the first time in my life, I don’t want him to touch me. I don’t want to be near that murderer. That murderer wants to kill my baby. He’s made an appointment.
“I’m five months pregnant! I told you to leave me at three months if you couldn’t take this. I can do this myself, you don’t know how strong I am; just not now. I’m not having an abortion, you know I said I would never have one.”
…”My mother’s so upset. My dad’s just died! And this! If you loved me, you’d do it. My mum was five months pregnant when she had an abortion, because my dad’s dad had just died, and he was so upset! She did it because she loved my dad! You’d do it if you loved me!”
“I don’t care what your mother did! I don’t care! I’m not your mother! I’m not killing my baby just because you’re mum’s psycho enough to murder her children! She’s never have being able to have Ol and Ka if she had an abortion that late!”
“Don’t call my mother that! You’re a psycho! We can’t have a baby, we’re too young!”
…And now after this talk about abortion, he wants to have sex with me. This murderer wants to touch me. I feel disgusted in my mouth. I tell him no.. You have no clue what pain is.
The sky
is blue…
I’m sitting on that brick wall, and then to my surprise, the door I thought was abandoned opens behind me, and one of Wa’s housemates steps out.
“Sorry,” I say standing up and walking away. Up to where they’re still smoking weed.
After Wa kicks out the two weirdos that tagged along with us, we go inside leaving his friend outside.
He wants me to stay. I need to go home. I need a rest, just a little one, my head is hurting.
Stay here, he says, sleep here, we’ll go to the train station later at seven or something. Come on.
For ten minutes we barter, but then I agree.
And then he’s kissing me, and I’m not kissing him back, and he’s still doing it.
I just fall asleep on his bed, just as the longest night of the year is ending. I really don’t care how he’s feeling or what he wanted out of me staying here. I know I must look a fright after being so absolutely plastered. My mascara must be all over my face and my hair is all over the place.
One month ago, I made the promise to be celibate. I’m sick of forgetting what people’s names are. I’m sick of doing this just because I’m angry at men in general. And I’m keeping it. I don’t care what he wanted out of me for staying until seven he’s not getting it…
And he never did.
Boy, haven’t I changed since I wrote that last year. And in a positive way I believe. And that rule about celibacy has stuck in my head for sure. Not because I’m frigid or have no human emotions or desires whatsoever. Just because I respect myself for who I am and for what God gave to me.
I am the husband to the most wonderful woman alive (as most guys think they are, but the are lying) who is my best friend, my biggest supporter, my hardest critic at times, and my complete support system. My wife, who had got pregnant at 16 years old, has a beautiful daughter named Emily. She was three when we got married and although she does not call me by ‘Dad’, I have been more than honored to be that to her. Emily will soon start kindergarten. She also correctly believes that she is a princess and has the same obsession with shoes as her mother.
I believe that I have been blessed beyond reason. I have traveled through many countries, seen many people, and witnessed many beautiful things that make me wonder why anyone would not believe that God is behind everything. I grew up as the middle of three boys and, to my surprise, and now the only male in my family (even the fish is a girl!). I enjoy spoiling my wife and Emily whenever possible, it brings me great pleasure. I work hard to support them and give them what they want. I also fully intend to buy my wife her red BMW convertible she wants as soon as possible because she has done so much to deserve it.
I believe that every child should have the opportunity to be given the life that I have been blessed with. I want my children to have the opportunity to try things they think are neat and interesting and decide for themselves if they want to keep doing it. I believe that everyone truly is a winner if they had fun doing it. I want to raise my girls expect only the best from boys/men and, God willing, I wish to have a boy who I can raise to teach how to live a upstanding life and find happiness in a family like my dad did to me.
Being a ‘Dad’ is completely different than I thought it would be. All of the sudden, I find my eyes ‘leak’ every time I hear songs like ‘Stealing Cinderella’ by Chuck Wicks and I start to get ideas when I hear songs like ‘Cleaning This Gun’ by Rodney Atkins. I am never sure of what tomorrow will bring, but I am sure that is will all be worth it…especially when I hear things from Emily like ‘this girl in my class was coughing and not feeling good… She must have the flute.’
I try to be a fairly relaxed person and try not to take things too seriously. I try not to focus on bad things, but try to focus on how to make things better. I enjoy just sitting on the couch with my wife and watching TV and watching Emily dance with her ‘king’ and get ready for the ball. To my wife’s dismay, I have no problem kicking the laundry in the floor to relax!
I love my life and could not ask for more than what God has given to me.
