After the procedure and right to this day, I find myself experiencing many of the symptoms linked to P.A.S.S and I’m sure that a lot of the girls here feel it too. I’ve looked into therapy again, even though it’s not an exact science, and I’ll admit that to a degree, it really does work. The only thing that’s really put me off it is the fact that a lot of the docs don’t believe that a post-abortion syndrome actually exists!!!!!
If you find yourself answering ‘yes’ to any of the following questions, you may be suffering from P.A.S.S:
- Do you find yourself struggling to turn off feelings connected to your abortion(s), perhaps telling yourself over and over again to forget about it?
- Do you find yourself avoiding books, magazines, and television programs that deal with the subject of abortion?
- Are you affected by physical reminders of your abortion (babies, pregnant women, etc.)?
- Are you uncomfortable around children?
- Are there certain times of the year you find yourself depressed, sick or accident prone-especially around the anniversary date of the abortion or the due date of the aborted pregnancy?
- Are you resentful and unforgiving towards anyone because of his or her involvement in your abortion(s)-parents, boyfriend, abortionist, friends, or husband?
- Are you in a situation where you could find yourself faced with another unwanted pregnancy?
- Do you have trouble with emotional intimacy since your abortion?
- Have you experienced periods of prolonged depression since your abortion? Have you had any suicidal thoughts?
- Have you experienced any peculiar occurrences relating to the abortion experience, such as nightmares about babies, flashbacks, or hallucinations (for example, hearing a baby cry)?
- Are you able to talk about abortion? When choosing to share about your abortion(s), are you overcome with strong feelings?
- If you have children now, do you smother them with your love or overprotect them? Are you unable to bond with the children you now have?
- If you do not have children, do you fear that you will never be able to have them (either because of physical harm resulting from the abortion or because God won’t allow you)?
- Do you tend to look at your life in terms of “before” and “after” the abortion(s)? Has your self-concept changed?
I’m almost eighteen and I have been caught in a couple of not-so-wonderful relationships already. My last boyfriend and I were together for four years and even though I loved him, we were very bad for each other. After fighting with him continuously for basically that entire time, I met someone who is amazing. I always had an idea of my dream guy, and this is truly him. It was love at first sight and after realizing that I could have a life that was so well off with someone who never fought with me and loved everything about me, I became caught up in the middle of confusion and I had no idea what to do.
I was still with my last boyfriend, but I was madly in love with this other guy. So after a few, of what seemed to be endless, weeks of fighting my now ex-boyfriend, he text-ed me saying that I was a huge waste of time and money and he was sick of putting up with me and everything I did. I felt free and me and the other guy began getting pretty serious almost instantly. Now, I am in a very loving relationship with him and it is the kind of relationship that I always dreamed of, but never thought I would actually have.
So things were going incredibly perfect until I began to have insane mood swings and started feeling sick every morning and was accompanied by sharp pains in my abdomen. I had just started a new type of birth control though and they had always messed with my emotions. I have also had bad cramps since I was about thirteen so at first, my boyfriend and I thought that it was just messing with me again. But after a month went by and I still hadn’t gotten my period, we began to realize that it might be something else. So we went and bought a pregnancy test. Those things are so tricky, well the ones with the lines are, and we didn’t have any idea what exactly they were telling us so we went and bought ones with actual words and sure enough, it read pregnant. I am guessing that I am around six weeks or so and I have no idea what to do.
My boyfriend is two years younger than me and I am a senior and I want to go to college, so our first thought was abortion. For him, it was no question at first, but for me, I was always a little skeptical about it. As time has gone on, we are both getting even more questioning of it. We both want to have kids, we just weren’t planning on it right now. I realize that with a baby, some of our dreams will be put on hold, or maybe never met, but that might be for the best. I really want to keep it, I just don’t see any way that I can support it and myself and my boyfriend at this point in my life. Please if you have any advice let me know, or just a story that you would like to share with me, anything would help and I would be really grateful. Thank you so much.
I was afraid at first, afraid of what people would say, family, him. I was alone, so alone.
I was happy cuz a child is something special. But deep down inside, I felt the terrible feeling of emptiness. like I couldn’t breathe. I felt weak. I couldn’t carry on by myself. After all that, I felt the depression come on. I knew I had to stay healthy for myself and for my baby, but the days got longer and my belly got bigger (at least I thought so) and no one knew the truth. The truth that he touched me, or that I couldn’t be with anyone without that terrible nightmare came back to my head, and my body. After this came the thoughts of death when I lost my baby.
My baby didn’t live, why should I?
I fell pregnant a month short of my 16th birthday. I found out when my boyfriend was overseas working.
By the time he got back, I was 4 months pregnant. A week after he got back, he broke up with me stating he was not ready for a baby, and 2 months later, had a new girlfriend. This was 6 years ago and I now have a beautiful boy who will be 6 in Feb. My dilemma now is that I am 23 years old and have found the perfect guy. We’ve been dating for several months. We both have steady jobs but both still live with our parents. He is 25. I think I’m pregnant and don’t know what to do.
I know for a fact we can’t afford to keep this baby, but I don’t think I could live with myself for killing an innocent life! Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok. So I guess this is my first time ever publicly admitting to anyone other than just a handful of close, personal friends that in February, at the age of 29 years old, without hesitation, I chose to have an abortion.
I say without hesitation, but I have to explain that that had been my immediate decision from the moment, I discovered that I was indeed pregnant- pregnant by a man whom I had only met a month prior. This man had come into my life in the most unexpected and surreal fashion, and as crazy as I felt, and to this day still do feel for this guy, I knew in my heart that the “timing” of this pregnancy would never work out for anyone’s best interests….except maybe my own- a lesson learned the hard way that I shall now live with for the rest of my life. I had the abortion performed at only 4 weeks, a major reassurance to my conscience that it would be least devastating knowing that I would merely be removing what had been described to me as just a “blood clot” at this stage of pregnancy. One dear friend of mine, an honest and sincere woman wise beyond her 28 years, confided in me after I shared my decision with her the fact that before any woman has an abortion, she MUST realize that for every day thereafter she WILL question and ponder EVERY “what if” that popped into mind concerning the possibility of the path she did not choose to take. I heard her words. I thought about my life if I were to have the baby, and ultimately, my decision never waivered. Of course, the support of my new boyfriend- whom I must reveal at this time had two children at the age of 27- helped strengthen my faith in the idea that termination of this pregnancy was in everyone’s best interests. Yeah, I hadn’t the faintest clue as to what I was about to experience.
The day of the abortion was the most emotional day of my life to date. We were running a bit late, never out of the ordinary for either one of us, and low and behold, just as we approached the red light, where we were to turn left into the business complex of the doctor’s office, there stood a small yet dominating group of women holding giant posters of a digitally enlarged fetus at 4, 5, and 6 weeks old. My lover asked what I wanted him to do, should we just turn in there as planned? NO!! I told him as I became VERY emotional for the first time that morning to bust a U-turn and we’d enter the complex a little ways down. I felt the shame and guilt start to wash over me like a heavy downpour. By the time, I had walked into the office, I was sobbing uncontrollably. The fact that he was still holding himself together, showing no signs of doubt as of yet, only made me feel so rejected and very unsure about my entire destiny. After leaving him in the waiting room amongst all other fathers-to-be that were about to be “let off the hook” also, I was escorted to a room where I filled out about a dozen forms, signing each one in a blur, then shocked as a nurse went ahead and handed me a handful of pills. One would be for nausea, another for anxiety, a couple for pain, and so on. There looked to be about 20-25 women there altogether.
Slowly, we were lined up along a wall that lead to the room of doom. As I sat and tried unsuccessfully to think of anything else, one by one, I witnessed the pills take effect on almost every female, and I anticipated my drugs helping me to enter such a haze just as they were. I had no such luck. Girls had to be escorted down the hallway with a nurse on either side, helping each patient scuffle to the surgical area while I, surprisingly to the several nurses who watched me at this point, insisted that I could and would be able to manage walking without assistance. A nurse I had come to be more open with had inquired about my tolerance to prescription medication, in which I had told her that my mind had always seemed stronger than my body and that I surely did not feel the effects just as the women already snoozing in their chairs pre-procedure. This nurse told me she had a high tolerance herself, and was able to slip me two more pills that I quickly swallowed with the hopes that they’d hit me before the doctor did.
As my turn approached, my sobs had returned and I questioned what I was about to experience with every ounce of my soul. I wanted to ask the man whom created life with me for his final answer, and was told that was not able to happen this late in the process of it all. Apparently, it was told to me later, that upon getting on the operating table is when I totally lost all control of my tears and fears. I kept saying no, wait, but the anesthesiologist gave me the dose of twilight medicine that I’m positive had been the norm for each female before me. A few minutes later, I was NOT in a twilight state whatsoever. The doctor, frustrated I’m sure at this set back in his busy workday, told me that if I continued to cry as I was, he would not be able to perform the procedure. I tried to stop, I think (?), but he resorted to looking at the anesthesiologist and asking her if I’d handle another dose in which she agreed I could and that was that. I awoke long enough to where I remember being escorted to the back door that lead outside where I was met by my handsome new lover who took over the role of my caretaker and helped me into his truck. I fell immediately back to sleep. We rented a hotel room for the rest of that day and night, not wanting either one of our family members whom we still shared a roof with to know what we had just done. I laid down only to pass out again. He ran a few errands returning shortly after with food and a few other comforts from his house that helped us mindlessly occupy the next 24 hours. He was sweet and attentive. I was already harboring resentment that two women before me, probably without his questioning them, had conceived his child and probably never had the option in their mind to terminate such a miracle. Why did I have to be the one who made the hardest choice of all? To answer my own question, I conveniently told myself that I had gotten pregnant SO much sooner than the other two, and that neither of our families would have been able to handle such news from the both of us, therefore convincing myself yet again that I had made the correct decision for everyone.
Now, just to inform any female who may find herself in a similar situation, if you believe that you can have an abortion administered, and then proceed into life never thinking about your past ever again…..You will be sorely disappointed and sadly mistaken. I still, almost one year later, think about what might have been on a daily basis. It is hard to look myself in the mirror and not still have regret and shame for what I have and have not done in my life, due to simple outcomes stemming from MY own actions. It is a choice that I know will continue to haunt me for the rest of my life, leaving me no other choice but to move on and push those memories out of my brain.
So, after all this depressing, devastating, negative energy rambling, I MUST describe where I currently find myself to date. I am still in a relationship with the same gentleman as I was with before. I had been a faithful consumer of birth control medication ever since the dreadful day in mention, and yet this past October, I discovered that once again I was expecting a baby. (YES!! ATTN SPERM BANK: YOU WANT TO MEET MY BOYFRIEND!! HE MUST CONTAIN SOME POWERFUL SWIMMERS IN WHICH THE MOST INFERTILE FEMALE COULD PROB FERTILIZE HER EGG). This time, I cannot admit in any way that I believe(d) I’m ready to be a mother. BUT I could conclude that I was NOT ready to ever live with the fact of having to make the same dreadful decision as I had made before. It almost feels at times like this was meant to challenge me, to make me realize that there are unexpected events that occur in the most unconventional ways, thus forcing us to change and adapt and to live a life that does not continue to allow ourselves to remain selfish and tunnel visioned to the idea that our lives unfold only how we allow them to be. God throws us curve balls, it’s up to us as mere humans to decide whether or not we’re gonna take a swing.
I’m 20 weeks along almost, and scared as I am, I’m also excited to experience what I abruptly chose not to experience before. I hope and pray everyday that I will be a good mother, but at least I know one thing for certain…I’d be a bad woman to ever think that I could take the easy way out of major responsibilities that were created from the same actions that I repeatedly decided to continue doing, even after a horrible experience such as an abortion. If you don’t wish to have children, do not even consider having sexual relations with a man. Otherwise, please prepare yourself for the unexpected. What goes around, comes around and you’ve just gotta live and learn for yourself. I learn EVERYTHING the hard way. Thanks for reading this.
When I was 16, I had sex for the first time. I was totally in love with my boyfriend, so much so I probably would have taken a bullet for him. I really believed we were meant to be.
Well, about I’d say a week after we had sex, I started noticing myself changing, EARLY, Super early pregnancy symptoms, I tried to ignore them, thinking I was just worried over nothing. But I missed my period, I knew I was pregnant, I didn’t wanna believe it. About 3 weeks later, I took at test. I knew what the answer was gonna be before I even took the test, So I went ahead and set up a doctor’s appointment too.
After I took my at home test, I called my boyfriend, who was getting distant from me and I knew he was about to leave me anyway, but I had to tell him he was going to be a father whether I could handle his reaction or not. And of course, He bolted. He gave me a million reasons why he didn’t wanna be a father and didn’t want anything more to do with me.
I balled my eyes out for what seemed like days and days. I loved this little baby I knew absolutely nothing about it, other than it was going to ruin my life. But I couldn’t abort it like my ex had wanted…there was no way. I loved it too much already, and it was the only thing I had left of the love of my life, It seemed to mean so much more then.
After dealing with the stress of having my parents know and the morning, noon, and midnight sickness that refused to go away, I was a mess.
A few days before I was supposed to go to the doctor, I had a miscarrige. I didn’t know what to think. I was totally devistated. I felt like a part of me had just been ripped away. Everybody thought that I should have been relieved but I wasn’t. I felt so lost.
After a while, I thought I was over it. It had been a few years and I was 19. One day, while sitting at a red light, talking to my mom in the car, I broke down crying. I couldn’t help it. I didn’t even know what had made me think about it. But I still think about it everyday. My mom explained to me that I would just be made me a stronger, more understanding person, and it has. And that it was not my fault like I thought it was. For years, I wondered what it was I did wrong. She explained to me that maybe God had other plans for me. My mom has been my rock through all of this. I’d never have made it without her.
Still, I love this little baby I’ll never know. And I hope it knows that wherever it is. I know I wasn’t too far along, almost 9 or 10 weeks, but it still hurts. Just I have decided to use this lil one who’s out there watching over me (I hope) to be my inspiration to do better for myself. To just be the best person I can. I’m about to turn 21 soon, and it still gets to me. I know all things heal with time and nobody can tell you how long it will take you to “recover” from something like this.
The baby’s father’s cousin and I have been really good friends for years and he explained to the baby’s father exactly what I was going though and had been put through. Since then, The father and I have become friends again, only he knows some things just can’t be forgiven right now.
The point of my LONG story was, this can be one of the most emotionally painful thing anyone can ever go through. The loss of a child, born or not, is horrible. And sometimes, you need a lot of support to work your way through it.
So I am here for anybody who needs somebody to talk to. Whether you were only 2 weeks along or 14, I get what you’re going through.
