Pregnancy is a cause of delight as well as apprehension for most women. You are worried about the changes your body will undergo, the loss of independence, the mood swings and of course the new life taking shape inside you. The fears and the worries double up when you are pregnant and are suffering from disabilities.
But that need not be the case. Technology has progressed to enable expectant mothers with disabilities to have a safe pregnancy and child-birth. There are going to be dilemmas and tough moments. But, being psychologically strong will help in having a smooth pregnancy. In this post we address some of the fears of expectant women with disabilities and how to get rid of them.
Accept and Deal with the Social Shock
Why the surprise? This is what I wanted to ask my family members and friends after seeing the look on their face when I told them I am pregnant. Is a woman with disabilities getting pregnant that incredible? Social reactions might tell you so but the reality is that more and more individuals with disabilities are opting for pregnancy and parenthood. The gap in the medical arena concerning pregnancy in disabled women has been met to a large extent. Obstetricians are more sensitive and well-trained to deal with pregnancies in disabled women.
So, next time you see and hear disbelief at the news of your pregnancy, deal with the reaction with a pinch of salt. Veer the conversation to another direction. Don’t be scared to tell people. Instead, derive as much information as you can on the issues you feel might cause problems in your pregnancy.
You will come across a lot of information that might make you more anxious. Address these issues. Talk to your doctor and your partner. However, you will also come across information that will help you have a positive and healthy pregnancy. Being correctly informed is one of the prerequisites to a healthy pregnancy.
Pick a Hospital Where All Your Healthcare Needs Are Met
Having anxiety pangs about your delivery? Most women go through delivery-related stress. However, this stress only does more harm than good. To alleviate these fears and feel more confident about your pregnancy and delivery, pick a hospital or medical center that is well-equipped for your needs and ready to make the required alterations for you to have a smooth pregnancy.
A hospital that has a resident disability specialist along with cooperative nurses and supportive gynecologist should be your first choice. Pick a facility that has specially designed labor and delivery wards for those with disabilities. Give preference to a hospital that is close to your home and has all the required facilities. Distance and accessibility can play key roles during the third trimester and the closer the facility, the better.
Have a Support Group
Don’t let the over-reactions of some people make you go into a shell or become depressed. This is a new phase of your life and having positive and encouraging people around you will make the experience an enjoyable one for you. Meet fellow disabled, pregnant women and mothers with disabilities. Learn about their experiences. You will find great support and information.
Form a group of mothers-to-be and meet up weekly. Bond over your pregnancy. Exchange anecdotes and information. Build a circle of trust, share and talk openly. You will feel much more confident and relaxed when you meet and interact with other women just like you and in the same stage of life.
This is also the time you will need your spouse to be supportive of you. With hormones playing havoc during this phase, he should be able to bear with your mood swings and bouts of depression. Make your spouse your best friend and confidante. Ask for what you need from him– sensitivity, care and attention.
Some partners automatically know how to deal with a pregnancy and make you feel loved and special during this phase. However, some may not. Telling him what you are expecting will help. Share your fears and apprehensions and co-operate with him when he is trying to find solutions. Spousal support is important during this phase.
Retain Your Mobility and Accessibility
Do not give up on your independence and mobility as soon as you hear the news that you are pregnant. In the first trimester carry on with all that you did prior to the pregnancy. Some additional exercise during this time is a good idea. Keep a check on your diet. Certain foods might affect your body adversely when you are pregnant. Go to the supermarket yourself until you can, and pick your foods carefully.
Go for strolls in the early mornings and evenings and take in the fresh air. See your disability doctor, nutritionist and gynecologist regularly to know the progress of your pregnancy. Your partner can accompany you to these trips, or you can use some specially built vehicles like the pride go go mobility scooter or the challenger sport mobility scooter to make these necessary visits and trips. The important part is that you should not surrender your accessibility and mobility.
Prepare for the Baby before Childbirth
Pregnancy is the first step. Parenting is the actual climb up the mountain. Be aware of your conditions and restrictions. Take informed and well-planned decisions about your pregnancy whether you are going to be a single mother or will have your partner’s support.
Choose the method of birth after weighing the pros and cons of vaginal delivery and C-section for your individual case. Ask your doctor if your body will support breastfeeding of the infant. Take appropriate decisions. Find and seek help from an occupational therapist who can provide you with solutions for baby care tasks.
Talk to your physical and occupational therapist and ask them about suitable adaptive equipment that will allow you to hold, play, feed and care for your baby like any other mother. This equipment facilitates baby-care for disabled mothers and ensures the safety of both the mother and the child. Remember, as a mother you should not become vulnerable to injury while nurturing your child.
Your doctors can also show you specific techniques of handling the baby properly and postures where you can be most comfortable holding and feeding the baby without risking injury to the baby. Having a nanny will not make you any less of a mother but will just be additional help. Consider the option.
To Conclude,
Be confident about your pregnancy. Have honest discussions with your doctors, family and friends. Ask yourself how prepared you are for it. Do not panic at the jerky reactions you receive from others or when you receive the tag of a high-risk patient. Your disability may make you vulnerable but research has proved that all women with disabilities are not high risk patients and are equally capable of delivering healthy babies. So take care and don’t feel scared. Keep in mind the points mentioned here and get ready to enjoy the rollercoaster ride of pregnancy.
Hi, I was pregnant before on September 18th 2013! I had a miscarriage on February 20th 2014! I was 22 weeks pregnant! Her name is Misa Grace Parkinson! She supposed been born on June 25th 2014! So it been like almost 10 weeks now! I thought I would of gotten lesser pregnancy symptoms, but instead I got more! I will tell you why I think I am pregnant!
I got pregnancy signs (like I said)! 🙂 They are: Breast tenderness, Fatigue, Headaches, Mood swings, Nausea, Frequent urination. And bit more!
I also just finish this wearied bleeding last night, which was Tuesday 29th April, I start on Saturday 26th April, that was spotting! The colour was pinkish, brownish, orange and odd red, but it is more pinkish and brownish! I am also getting this tummy round, bump, (not to sound rude) but I am getting back where I couldn’t see my private part when I take a shower! Day after my miscarriage I went down completely back to normal, in a day! So I don’t think that be the cost of this bump! I also feel wearied movements in my tummy! I also thought my boobs would of going down because the milk stop running from it on March 8th 2014, but it still feel full! I collate that if I am pregnant I wold be around 5 weeks because of that wearied bleeding! I do want a baby because I want to take care of something that will look up at me knowing that I am there for him/her every single day and every single minute! 🙂 I am going to hospital on the Thursday 8th May, to do the blood test pregnancy! So please tell me what you think it could be of, with all of it! 🙂 Thank you for reading! ^_^
Finding Out I was Pregnant. To start off, I kind of figured out that I was pregnant before actually going to the doctors. My menstrual cycle is like clockwork (ALWAYS ON TIME) and I knew that I had had a few times of unprotected sex. So when I didn’t get my period the first month, I thought well it might be stress-induced because I was crammed with school work.
Then I started getting sick and becoming more fatigued, which was unusual because I never get sick to my stomach. So I got worried and I let my boyfriend know something may be going on. He was like your fine, you are just really stressed and need to relax and this was just a warning sign of my body telling me to rest. So I pushed it aside.
Month two came and still no period. So I went to my adviser. Well, I guess things aren’t kept confidential anymore because somehow my grandmother all of a sudden wants to take me to the doctors because my adviser called her. So the day came for the appointment and I was really nervous because my grandmother didn’t know that I started having sex again (previously celibate).
The doctor calls me back and ask for my last menstrual cycle which I don’t remember. Next, she asked for a sample of urine which I gave. Then she comes out and my grandmother says that I need to go on birth control, but the doctor stops her and says the test came back positive. And my face drops.
Next words that came out of my grandmother’s mouth which really hurt me were “So you’re going to terminate this baby”. I can’t believe she asked me that question. I literally wanted her to just leave.
I called my boyfriend and gave him the news. And at first, he was yelling, then came crying but after a hour, he calmed down. He asked so many question like he didn’t know how girls got pregnant. I am nervous and scared to the point I don’t know what to say or do, or even talk about.
I found out I was pregnant in February, My girlfriend/partner made me take hpt. I was nervous and scared. I thought she was going to break up with me. Even though it wasn’t a surprise to me, but just having her in the bathroom with me made me feel shocked to see a positive sign. I know whoever is reading this is wondering how I got pregnant and have a girlfriend.
Well you see in December, we broke up and I felt alone. So I called on an ex-guy friend. We had a past relationship for 5 years and became close friends and talked about everything. So one night, we were together (Dec 21 2012) and one thing led to another. When we were together, we tried to get pregnant but didn’t seem like I could conceive so we gave up. So we really didn’t think anything of it until my period was late by a month. I brought it to his attention but by then, we were back to not talking and just chilling. I felt my body begin to change, my mouth was becoming dry and I was starting to feel sick. This wasn’t normal for me. I didn’t tell anyone.
Which led to the second month I was late. By that time, me and my girlfriend I was back together and now we were living together at my sister’s place. She asked me when was my last period. I told her I didn’t know, but it should be coming on soon. (My body does that sometimes, miss a period, because I used to bleed twice a month so one month I would miss) She didn’t stick with that for me for a long time because I was now 2 months late. But the thing is, the night me and my guy friend had sex, my period came on the next day (Dec 22).
So now it’s 2014 and I’m 14 weeks and in the 11 grade, hoping I will be good parent. The father wants to be around, but he has a 1-year-old which was conceived while we were supposed to have been in a relationship.
According to a research that was recently conducted, girls with disability have higher chances of facing violence as compared to the ones without disability. This violence can be in the form of sexual, verbal, or even emotional assault. What’s worse is that such violence against girls with disability is expected to last for a longer time than the normal average. This means these girls are made to go through an ordeal which very few of us know about. We hardly read about it, and few people are sensitive about the issue too.
Who abuses these women? Interestingly, most women, who were found abused, were made to go through this ordeal by their known people. This could be anyone from their family members to the caregivers. While the family members might verbally abuse them or even attack them emotionally, the caregivers’ assault can be in the form of disagreements or refusal to help these disabled girls with their daily needs.
It is estimated that almost two-thirds of women/girls with disability have been physically or sexually assaulted in their life. More surprisingly, most women/girls faced this assault when they were very young. Let me share a story of a young girl who was made to go through this ordeal when she was just 10. Like any other girl, she wanted to make friends. She wanted to be loved and cared for. However, what she received was completely opposite. She could not make friends as most of them would always make her a source of humor. Her family wouldn’t be of any help either. As soon as she reached home, her mother would start to curse her, and even threaten to beat her. She would be frustrated about how slow this girl worked. Unfortunately, the girl could not take it for very long. She became a victim of depression in a couple of years, and left her house one day. No one still knows what happened to her, and where did she go. How many such girls go through the same torment in their lives? It is important that a solution is derived soon enough.
TYPES OF VIOLENCE AGAINST DISABLED GIRLS
Here are the various types of physical abuses that a girl with disability can generally face:
Physical Abuse: This is that type of violence that can cause physical harm or injury. This could include various forms of violence like hitting, kicking or even shaking someone. We have heard stories of parents punishing their girls because of the fact that they were slow in performing the tasks that they were assigned.
Sexual Assault: This comes as a surprise to many, and it did to me too. We hardly tend to believe that girls with disability can be sexually assaulted, but the number of assaults that they face is whopping. A person that they know or don’t know might force them to perform a sexual activity. It is not just confined to forced intercourse, but people are also found to touch the personal parts of these girls or even make them touch the assaulters’ personal parts.
Verbal Abuse: While physical and sexual assault get reported at some time, verbal abuse mostly goes unnoticed and unreported. However, it can be seriously damaging to the girls’ self-esteem. This can include admonishing someone or even using harsh words about their disability.
Emotional Abuse: This form of abuse stems from verbal abuse. This, however, goes a step further. It does not only include words but also actions through which the self-esteem of the disabled girl can be shattered. As we noticed in the story above, a disabled girl can simply be ignored to destroy her emotionally. Making her feel that she is good for nothing is another form of emotional abuse.
Deprivation: Finally, another form of violence against disabled girls is depriving them of their basic needs as also their human rights. We mentioned above of how some care-givers refuse to help the girls with their daily needs. That is a form of deprivation, and one that might slice the girls from within.
WAYS OF PREVENTING VIOLENCE
It was very important to note the various forms of violence; because unless we know that it is violence we wouldn’t be able to act against it. Here are some ways that can be used to prevent such violence to occur or recur:
- Assertiveness: The first thing to do is to be assertive. If you feel that you aren’t strong enough, there are chances that the assaulters will gain more confidence to be violent against you. You must be able to clearly express your feelings to the other person.
- Support: You must express your feelings; however, you should not try to tackle it all by yourself. You have to realize that confronting a situation alone can be a risky endeavor. Therefore, it is essential that you avail support from your friends in the time of need.
- Self-Defense Course: It shall be worthwhile to take a self-defense course. It will prepare you with things you can do when violence does take place.
- Speak with Others: You can speak with other people who can help you with the problem. One of the options is to speak with your friends, who can instantly come to your rescue. Additionally, you can develop a community resource list for your area. Many of these resources provide support to community members during a difficult situation.
- Build Confidence: One of the most significant ways of preventing violence is by building confidence in you. When you are confident about yourself, it reflects in your demeanor. There are innovative ways of doing so. For example, simply by improving your mobility you can feel better about the situation. You can buy any of the available mobility scooters for the cause.
RAY OF HOPE
Not all is lost, though. It seems that there is some headway in terms of improving the situation of girls with disability. New systems and offices are being developed by the government for the sake of these girls. Moreover, there are counselors who can help you with your situation. Finally, the advent of scooters is another boon. Being mobile and independent gives you a sense of confidence. Buy a Go-Go electric mobility scooter or any other that suits your needs, and you are ready to explore the world – all on your own.
Thank you for Giving me Life, Mom!
I don’t what it is about that “Dallas Buyers” cast, but they proved to be pretty classy guys at last night’s Oscars. Lead actor winner Matthew McConaughey praised God for his first Oscar win – a breath of fresh air during a night in which He seemed to be all but forgotten. But, before McConaughey praised the Almighty, his costar Jared Leto also shared a beautiful message in his acceptance speech for Best Supporting Actor.
Leto, like McConaughey, was a first time Oscar winner last night. As such, he took advantage of the opportunity to share his mom’s courageous story:
In 1971, Bossier City, Louisiana, there was a teenage girl who was pregnant with her second child. She was a high school dropout and a single mom, but somehow she manage to make a better life for herself and her children. She encouraged her kids to be creative, to work hard and to do something special. That girl is my mother and she’s here tonight. And I just want to say ‘I love you mom, thank you for teaching me to dream.’
I want to thank Jared Leto for using the Oscar stage to recognize and appreciate his mother’s life giving decision. She proved that even as a teenage, high school dropout, she could succeed as a mother. She had no idea her son would win an Oscar one day.
Does this not prove that every human life has potential? Even if it was not his intention(a quick Google search suggests the actor is pro-choice), I hope Leto’s speech will encourage other scared, young women out there who are debating what to do about their pregnancies, to give their unborn child a chance. Their son or daughter may thank them on stage one day.
By Cortney O’Brien | Mar 03, 2014
