I want to start off by saying I am deeply sorry to anyone who has had a miscarriage.

My name is [redacted]. I’m 18 and have unfortunately suffered the pain of having a miscarriage.

I was into the first week of my second trimester and settling into the idea of becoming a young mum so well. Obviously, as I was still in school at the time and very young, it wasn’t a planned pregnancy, but I’m sure as all of you who have children know, that your shock only lasts a moment before your unconditional love for them takes its place. This experience has hurt me more than anything. But I felt the need to share my story on the off chance that someone else who is going through a similar situation will know that they are not by any means suffering alone.

For me, I discovered that I had a miscarriage at 14 weeks at a scan. I was oblivious to anything being wrong as I watched my beautiful baby with fully formed features on the screen. After 10 or so minutes of silence, I was told that she had no heartbeat.  I can hardly remember much from there as I was numb with shock. I refused to go to the hospital for a DNC (a procedure similar to an abortion). which my midwife saw as understandable. I needed time to get my head around everything, time to have my child still inside me before I had to emotionally and physically let go of everything.

I had deemed so many things in my life unimportant in comparison to having a child….And it was difficult realizing that, that was all I was left with.

….. No one mentioned how I would feel afterward… The subject was restricted to small talks of ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘if there’s anything I can do’.

Hormones caused so many emotions to run through me. I went from being fine one minute to bursting into tears when I saw a parent and child the next. I spent many car journeys driving home in tears simply because I had to let it all out

I know from experience that there isn’t anything I, or anyone else can say to make mothers of angel babies feel fully better… But hopefully knowing that you are not alone, will bring some comfort.

Let yourself heal, cry, and give yourself time. This is where I am at myself, it’s a slow process, and I’ll never forget my first born but it’s helping, and I’m copping more and more each day.

‘Time heals everything,’ my mum has always said- Words of wisdom I carry with me on my rainy days.