I thought that this time it would be different. I thought this time I would make it through the pregnancy with no problems what-so-ever. But I guess those thoughts change when you’re just sitting there with your fiancé’s family just after Christmas dinner and you get a major back pain. That’s what happened to me.

We had just finished eating dinner and I had just helped my fiancé’s sister and mom clean up the dishes. We had all settled down in comfortable positions (mine-the floor with a pillow under my butt and propping my back) with my fiancé massaging my shoulders. We were watching an episode of True Blood (to catch me up on what’s happening) and I started feeling really sharp back pains. So I told them and when I got up there was blood on the pillow. Immediately, my fiancé went into panic mode when I’m trying to stay calm and everyone around me is too just to keep me calm. After five minutes, my fiancé calmed down, and six more minutes, the ambulance arrived. My fiancé and his mom rode with me and his sister and father, brother and his newly wed wife rode together in the car. IT was disastrous. The pain got worse and I started drifting in and out of consciousness. All the time hearing my fiancé’s voice saying, “It’s gonna be ok”. I automatically felt safer.

I awoke hours later with a throbbing headache and killer abdominal pains. My vision was foggy, and it was bright in the room. I looked around and curled up in a chair was my soon to be mother-in-law. My fiancé’s father was no-where to be seen and neither was anyone else but my fiancé and his sister. HE was laying on the bed curled, against my side. And his sister was standing by the window sill. Looking out at the city.

I called her over, trying not to wake my fiancé and I asked her if the baby was OK, and she told me everything.  How it was some thing and the placenta suffocated my baby. I just started crying, which woke my fiancé, and his mom. I stayed in the hospital for the next three days. My fiancé barely never leaving my side. If he was gone…his mom was there. If she was gone, his sister was there. If she was gone, then he was back.

Now, I’m back at home, my belly is almost flat again. I run sooo much every day. To lessen the anger I feel for losing my baby.

My baby-may You fly to heaven and may I hold you in my arms again some day.
R.I.P. Angelica Niaomi ******

The stars are her last name…we never decided whether or not it was gonna be mine on the birth certificate or mine.