When things get good, why do they go wrong?

Wednesday, I started having pain, more pain then I’ve ever had, and I called my doctor, and she told me to relax and to come in Monday the 2nd at 8:30…

Thursday night/ Friday morning, I collapsed, and my mom called an ambulance, and I was taken to urgent care… and I think my doctor was avoiding me because the U.C. doctor told me she’d be there, but Kaufman never came in until after 4!!!!! I was waiting on my OBGYN to come check on me for OVER TWELVE HOURS!! What the hell! I could have saved my baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She didn’t think I miscarried at first, because I wasn’t bleeding.

Then, she did my ultrasound.. You wanna talk about making a DR. sweat???? She KNEW my baby wasn’t alive. I’m NOT EFFING STUPID!!! She moved me and moved me and searched for the freaking heartbeat… and I lost it! I HATED my doctor. HATED HER. It’s like she wanted this to be unsuccessful! I followed everything like a good mommy, and I worked to make this pregnancy work!!! Even with everything else, and my doctor had to say I’m sorry for your loss?????? She never let me have an ultrasound; she let me listen to the heartbeat ONCE, but that was ONLY because William was there. I wanna die, it’s unfair that I lost another baby. I never meant for things to go wrong, ever. Dr. Kaufman says that low progesterone, low iron, and low white blood cells are to blame… && that, my blood work backs up… but, I don’t understand why? I was doing EVERYTHING she asked me to…

But I decided. I’m not going to try to have more babies… If I get pregnant again, I’ll make sure not to get excited. Because everything I get happy before it dies.