Dear Becky and Lisa — I just have to say that I wish something like this would have been around when I needed it. I was fourteen and pregnant! The first time I ever had sex and this is what happened. I didn’t even want to do it but the guy scared me into it.
So what was I going to do? I wasn’t even old enough to get a job!!! I couldn’t tell anyone, not even my best friends. I tried to tell the father and he just blew me off. I didn’t know how to go get an abortion and since I was only 14, I thought I’d have to have my mom with me. So I didn’t do anything. I pushed it out of my mind…well as far as I could, I guess. It was still on my mind everyday. My mom even noticed that I hadn’t been getting my period but I guess she was too afraid to ask me, afraid to hear that her little girl was going to have a little one of her own.
Then I caught a cold. My mom took me to a doctor and mentioned to the doctor that I had stopped my period and she wanted to have me checked out, to see if there was anything wrong. Well, of course she learned that I was pregnant. Eight months pregnant at this point. And I couldn’t even admit that I had known this whole time. I was in so much denial that I thought it would have just gone away. My mom was so upset, but not with me. She was upset with herself, I imagine for not taking action earlier, for doing the same thing I did…hope it wasn’t true. But there we were in this situation with only about four weeks to figure out what I was going to do.
I decided it would be best for my baby to give him or her up for adoption. I was lucky and found a beautiful, hardworking single mother. She had adopted a little girl two years prior. This small family looked like they were part of mine! It was amazing how much this woman and her daughter resembled the biracial women in my family! I met her and knew she was the perfect person to take care of my baby. Exactly one week after deciding to have Mary adopt my baby, Olivia Danielle was born. It was January 23rd 1994, three days before my fifteenth birthday.
She is healthy (Thank God), and beautiful.
It took several years for me to understand that even though it hurt more than anything to give her up, she is so much better off with her adopted family. Mary is able to provide for Olivia in ways that I to this day would not be able to provide for her. I know there are greater chances of Olivia being successful because of the support of her adopted family. This is much better for her than living with her birthmother who would have probably been on welfare and unable to buy the things she wanted or needed. I love Olivia more than anyone or anything in the universe. I wouldn’t wish for the hard times she would have had growing up in near poverty with me. I can only move on and learn from what happened.
Nearly eleven years later, I am able to say that I am satisfied with the decision that I made. I have minimal communication with Mary and Olivia, but I do know they are well, happy and enjoying life. I know Olivia knows she is adopted and wonders about her birthparents. I hope one day, I will be able to explain to her in person why I made my decision. I also hope she will tell me how that makes her feel.
I think you ladies are doing a great thing for the young women in the world that don’t know what to do if they’re pregnant. It’s good to know there are options and people that are willing to help them make the best decision for themselves and their baby.
Thank you!
Shiloh
Dearest Shiloh – when I read your e-mail it made tears come to my eyes. What a beautiful love and a beautiful thing you did for a family and for your baby! I am so proud and touched by your wonderful heart.
May I share something with you? I have some very close friends that adopted a baby boy. He is now 3 years old and he is the happiest little baby boy that you could ever know.
Truly a baby doesn’t necessarily know or care of the material things that you can give. Just the heart of love that you have is sufficient. You are a very wonderful warm heated woman and it would seem that people are
blessed just by knowing you and hearing your experience.
I am twenty two years old, and this is my story. when i was seventeen i was in a bad place…i had moved out of my parent’s house and was living in a different house every week. i was heavy into meth, selling and using. after about nine months my periods stopped and i thought i was pregnant…it was then that i made the decision to quit drugs and get my life together.
As it turns out, when your body rapidly loses weight it can stop your period…since i thought i was pregnant already i wasn’t practicing safe sex and it was because of this that i got pregnant for real. luckily, i had quit doing drugs before i conceived…and nine months later i gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. he saved my life by giving me the will to improve myself. i had gotten my GED and had enrolled in college…none of which would have happened without him. i loved him more than anything…he was my world, my reason for living.
My parents were giving us a place to stay, rent free, so long as i was in school…unfortunately my parents were only interested in helping me as long as it wasn’t getting in the way of them making money…so the week i graduated from college, my parents kicked me and my son out of our house…we had one night to get all of our stuff out…i remember starring at my son as he slept…crying because i was letting him down with my inability to care for him.
After that, i made the hardest decision i have ever made…i sent my son to go live with his father…who had not been in his life at all up until that point…and once again i was homeless. i didn’t have a car…i didn’t have a job…and i didn’t have any friends or family to help me. i was in an awful place.
After almost a year of drifting around…hardly seeing my son. one of my friends asked if i wanted to go live with her at her grandma’s in Mississippi. we could stay there while we looked for jobs..have roofs over our heads and a car to drive. i accepted…and that is when started looking up. i found the man of my dreams and we got a house together…i finally felt comfortable and like i belonged. i found out that my parent’s had petitioned for and received custody of my son…and although i hate them for what they had done…they were well off and gave him all the love and care he needed, all the things i could not give him. in pictures they sent he looked so happy and cared for…when i spoke to him on the phone he was so smart and cheerful. i didn’t want to take him away from the only happiness he had known…even if i could support a child…i knew that to take him away from the only home he could remember just to fufill my own maternal desires would be selfish. i am currently awaiting the day that i am completely stable financially and mentally, and when that day comes my son will live with me again…he does not deserve the uncertainty that comes with money problems, and emotional problems.
Not long after all this…i found out i was pregnant again. i was frantic…i already had a child that i could not care for on my own. i knew the heart wrenching pain that comes from not being able to give the baby you created everything they need and deserve…it is a pain i deal with daily. i felt like abortion was my only choice. i could not stand the idea of giving up a child again…to think of it now, it seems so ridiculous and selfish that i would rather kill than give up this baby. i was sick all the time…i couldn’t go to work because i was constantly throwing up…i think i convinced myself that for the sake of keeping my job i had to have an abortion. i also think i was ashamed…that people would not understand why i was not keeping my child. because of the shame i already felt for my inadequacies with my son, it all seemed unbearable…so at nine weeks, i had an abortion.
This was about two months ago…and i am in the denial stage i believe. the only person who knows is my boyfriend…and even we don’t really talk about it. i have been having some pretty severe emotional issues…i feel like i am in a permanent state of p.m.s…i will fly off the handle at the drop of a hat, i am really tired all the time, and have been having cramps and headaches. i am terrified to see the doctor…i can’t stand the thought of someone touching me down there. there haven’t been any sexual problems, but the thought of being in a hospital atmosphere, and someone putting medical instruments inside of me makes me have panic attacks.
I go from a manic desire to be pregnant again to never wanting any more children…even thinking about my son makes me want to cry because i know that my other child would have been as special to me as he is. i am not religious, but i believe that killing is wrong…i don’t know how i am going to get through this without professional help, but i can’t bring myself to actually speak to someone about it…i feel like it is all still so new and i need some positive reinforcement. any help you could give me would be great.
A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bank balance smaller, home happier, clothes dirty, the past forgotten…and the future worth living for.
Yesterday my mom took me to the emergency room because I had been blacking out and throwing up a few times a day. The doctor asked me if I was sexually active and with my mom out of the room I told her that me and my boyfriend of a year and 8 months had been sexually active since I was 15 years old. She ordered a urine pregnancy test and to my horror it came out positive. I sat there for a while not knowing what to do and feeling absolutely lost, confused and alone. My doctor then talked to me about options with abortion but I knew in my heart that there was no way I could do that to my child.
I called my boyfriend who also just wanted the situation to go away but soon realized the significance of our actions. He promised me that he will be here for me every step of the way, no matter what happens and no matter what we decide. His family is also going to be very supportive and will also help in any way that they can.
The hardest part I knew was next. I had to break the news to my mom. She had no idea that I had been sexually active with my boyfriend so it would be extremely difficult to tell her. At first I wanted to just wait and tell her with my boyfriend but I soon discarded the idea and told the doctor to let her in.
When I told her, she looked devastated, hurt and confused. I explained everything to her and to my surprise, she told me that she still loved me and would always help me out in any way I needed. A social worker came in while we talked about options and I received prescriptions for some medications.
When I got home I told my whole family who also said that they still love me just as much and said that they support me fully in everything that I had to go through and decide. my boyfriend came over along with his parents while we all talked about life, love and God.
After just one day I now feel so much love and so much support from my family that I didn’t think I would get. I believe that God only gives us trials that he knows we can get through. I will be able to make it through this, I will just have to stay strong and keep positive. In the end I hope to find the love and strength to give my baby up for adoption to a loving family. I know that I can’t do this alone and I just want to let every girl out there with my situation know that you are not alone. God is on your side. He’s there to help and to love and to support.
Good things come in twos for one hardworking Alabama woman, from dual college degrees to twin baby girls.
Montoya Major single mom graduates while raising twin daughters
On Aug. 16, Montoya Major will graduate from Nova Southeastern University in Florida with a bachelor’s in cardiovascular sonography and a master’s in health science — an accomplishment all the more laudable, as the 23-year-old welcomed twin daughters during the program.
The Mobile native and single mom told Fox News that she began her dual degree program at Nova Southeastern in May 2017, soon after receiving a bachelor’s degree in biology from Alabama Agricultural & Mechanical University that same year. Five months later, 700 miles away from home, the woman was shocked to learn she was expecting — twins.
“My initial thought, when I found out I was pregnant, was, ‘What am I going to do with a child?'” Major told Today. “I was living in Florida, away from all my family and friends. Having kids was never a thought of mine. I wanted to pursue my degree and establish a career.”
