Dear Becky and Lisa — I just have to say that I wish something like this would have been around when I needed it. I was fourteen and pregnant! The first time I ever had sex and this is what happened. I didn’t even want to do it but the guy scared me into it.
So what was I going to do? I wasn’t even old enough to get a job!!! I couldn’t tell anyone, not even my best friends. I tried to tell the father and he just blew me off. I didn’t know how to go get an abortion and since I was only 14, I thought I’d have to have my mom with me. So I didn’t do anything. I pushed it out of my mind…well as far as I could, I guess. It was still on my mind everyday. My mom even noticed that I hadn’t been getting my period but I guess she was too afraid to ask me, afraid to hear that her little girl was going to have a little one of her own.
Then I caught a cold. My mom took me to a doctor and mentioned to the doctor that I had stopped my period and she wanted to have me checked out, to see if there was anything wrong. Well, of course she learned that I was pregnant. Eight months pregnant at this point. And I couldn’t even admit that I had known this whole time. I was in so much denial that I thought it would have just gone away. My mom was so upset, but not with me. She was upset with herself, I imagine for not taking action earlier, for doing the same thing I did…hope it wasn’t true. But there we were in this situation with only about four weeks to figure out what I was going to do.
I decided it would be best for my baby to give him or her up for adoption. I was lucky and found a beautiful, hardworking single mother. She had adopted a little girl two years prior. This small family looked like they were part of mine! It was amazing how much this woman and her daughter resembled the biracial women in my family! I met her and knew she was the perfect person to take care of my baby. Exactly one week after deciding to have Mary adopt my baby, Olivia Danielle was born. It was January 23rd 1994, three days before my fifteenth birthday.
She is healthy (Thank God), and beautiful.
It took several years for me to understand that even though it hurt more than anything to give her up, she is so much better off with her adopted family. Mary is able to provide for Olivia in ways that I to this day would not be able to provide for her. I know there are greater chances of Olivia being successful because of the support of her adopted family. This is much better for her than living with her birthmother who would have probably been on welfare and unable to buy the things she wanted or needed. I love Olivia more than anyone or anything in the universe. I wouldn’t wish for the hard times she would have had growing up in near poverty with me. I can only move on and learn from what happened.
Nearly eleven years later, I am able to say that I am satisfied with the decision that I made. I have minimal communication with Mary and Olivia, but I do know they are well, happy and enjoying life. I know Olivia knows she is adopted and wonders about her birthparents. I hope one day, I will be able to explain to her in person why I made my decision. I also hope she will tell me how that makes her feel.
I think you ladies are doing a great thing for the young women in the world that don’t know what to do if they’re pregnant. It’s good to know there are options and people that are willing to help them make the best decision for themselves and their baby.
Dearest Shiloh – when I read your e-mail it made tears come to my eyes. What a beautiful love and a beautiful thing you did for a family and for your baby! I am so proud and touched by your wonderful heart.
May I share something with you? I have some very close friends that adopted a baby boy. He is now 3 years old and he is the happiest little baby boy that you could ever know.
Truly a baby doesn’t necessarily know or care of the material things that you can give. Just the heart of love that you have is sufficient. You are a very wonderful warm heated woman and it would seem that people are
blessed just by knowing you and hearing your experience.
Thank you so very much for sharing with us.