I`m torn. I found out I was 13 weeks pregnant on tuesday. I think Its crazy because the last time I had unprotected sex with my boyfriend we immediately went to a clinic and got the day after pill. Well I guess it didn’t work and he seems to think it has to be destiny. I want to have this baby, I`m just scared for myself. I have SO many doubts. What if I suck at being a Mom, what if I regret it? from everyone I’ve talked to who has had a baby as young as me (17 turning 18 in May)younger and I’ve never heard of anyone straight up regretting it. What if I never finish school. Would life as I know it be gone entirely & my whole life be just be about the baby. Would I still be able to go out and have fun sometimes? I mean I`m not a partier to the extreme, I just like to have fun once in awhile. Basically I just think I need answers to my questions. I got a TON. I need support, I have not yet told my parents. They’re not SUPER strict my Mom knows I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. And we were planning a life together. She knows were sexually active, actually her and my Dad have told me that they’ll love me no matter what. I just don’t want to disappoint them, I’ve always wanted to be the one kid they’ve had that they were super proud of. You know?& Its just I don’t have a career, How will I make money. Thankfully I have my GED. but besides that not alot of stuff is going on for me. I thought I could do an abortion, and I still could. BUT when I went to the clinic, they took an ultrasound, The doctor gave me a copy and I asked, “does it have a heart?” & she replied “yes” I felt my own heart drop, How am I supposed to go through with this now? How can I get rid of something living off of me, Something that is me. I’m catholic and so Is my Parents. I mean my family isn’t at church every sunday. I just really want some support, and some inspiration. I just want to know that everything is going to be okay. That I can still live out a good life. I just want to know if teen parents can be happy. What helps ALOT though is my Boyfriend, He’s always been there for me. And he always will, even if were not together. He’s super responsible. and I’ve been with him for awhile. We spend every single day with each other. He is even willing to work two jobs to support me if I have the baby. I`m already feeling kinda iffy towards getting an abortion. I don`t even really want to think about it. I have to decide what I`m going to do before Saturday, I have an appointment at the Clinic and If I show up, I’ll be getting an Abortion. That’s the latest I can get one around here. I’m torn between two things.
My future and a Baby. But Can`t I have both?
I came across your website while doing research for a school paper and I was inspired by the stories I have read. I wanted to share my story with you.
In 1991, as a sophomore in high school, I found myself a growing statistic. I was the proverbial pregnant teenager. The father and I had only been together for a few months, but none the less I was in love with him: as much as a 16 year old girl can be in love. I soon found out that his commitment to me was lukewarm at best. As most stories go, he did not want me to have my child. I use “my” because that is what she is… she is my baby, my angel, my life.
I was raised as a born-again Christian and had gone to a private school through 6th grade so I knew that abortion was wrong. But the paralyzing fear of my grandparents was far stronger than my fear of answering to God for taking the life of an unborn child. Doesn’t make much sense does it?
Anyway, God works in mysterious ways and I ended up getting into a fight at school. I am not a fighter and that is the only one I have ever been in: it just so happened to be with my best friend… whose father was a pastor at a local church. Well, the result of that fight had my friend and her mother at my house the following Saturday. It was a day before the scheduled appointment to terminate my pregnancy. We sat in my room with the door closed for 3 hours. Her mother, with Bible in hand, talked to me about the decision I was making, the alternatives and the repercussions. I know it was the hand of God that intervened because when I make my mind up about something, I don’t waiver: But I did. It was as if someone turned on the lights and everything was clear, “I am going to tell my grandparents,” “I am going to have my baby!” After 3 hours of talking, they called my grandmother into the room. My friend’s mother said “Shannon has something she needs to tell you,” and as I opened my mouth, words seemed to completely escape me. I could only cry, I could not speak. I was paralyzed by fear of what this woman would think and say. Before I composed myself and found the words, she said “she’s pregnant.” It was a bitter sweet moment. No longer did I need to fear her finding out but at the same time I was not prepared for the rush of disgust that would follow in her actually knowing.
Time went on and I dealt with the wounded relationship with my grandmother. It didn’t matter to me to be honest. You see, I was taken away from my mother when I was 5. That is why I was raised by my grandparents. I lived my life in the shadows up to that point. I hid from every one and every thing. I had been disappointed and hurt by every single individual that had been a part of my life. I did not understand life, I did not understand trust, and above all, I did not understand love.
It was the beginning of a new life for me. I was no longer the little baby that I felt like on the inside… I had to pull myself out of the shadows to be to my child what I never had. I never gave thought to how I would support her or what our future would be like. The details were irrelevant to be honest with you… all I knew is that it was going to be us against the world.
I continued with my high school education, however, I did not attend a traditional high school. Fortunately for me there was a Teen Parenting Program in my area. This was such a blessing, as I was able to finish high school and graduate without skipping a beat.
The school provided parenting classes and day care so after she was born I took her to school with me every day.
On November 28, 1991, two weeks before my 17th birthday, my beautiful 6lb. 11 oz. angel came into the world. It was official, I was in love. So this is what it felt like to truly love someone. I must admit, I was addicted. I could not get enough of this tiny little gift from God. Now, I am grateful for everything that God has given me in my life… Good times and tough times as well. I would not be who I am today without any of it. But, most of all, I am grateful for the blessing of my daughter. For my lack of experience with love, it came so naturally for me when it involved her.
This child, who is now 12 years old, has taught me more about life, trust and unconditional love than I could have ever hoped for. I have made mistakes, to err is human, but I have learned from every single one of them. I have not been able to give her everything that she wants but I can assure you that the one thing every child needs, she has in abundance… Love. With a capital “L!” This child is an extension of my heart, she is the walking, living and breathing manifestation of everything that is good in me and I couldn’t be more proud to be her mother.
I am now 29 years old and have no regrets at all about my choice, never once have I wished that things were different. She is very proud of the fact that I was 16 when I had her: proud because we have a strong family unit, and proud that we have done it on our own.
Now is when it gets difficult. Everything up to this point has been a cake walk in comparison to what I will now be going through. How do I teach my daughter how to NOT follow in my foot steps? She and I talk about everything that goes on in her school, what her friends are doing and what she is not doing. We talk a lot about her life path and how she can get the most out of it. I definitely try to lead by example. I have worked my way up the corporate ladder and recently took a position as a Marketing Manager for a great company. This is the direction I have always wanted my career to go and here I am. I am also a full time student with a 3.91 GPA. You better believe I bring home my grades to show my daughter. So, I will not sit back and tell her what I want her to do with her life without showing her the benefits. I tell her “if I had waited to have you, if I had been older and had already gone to college, we would not have had to struggle the way we have.” And my decision to go back to school had as much to do with proving the importance of it to her, as it did with bettering myself.
I sit here in a computer lab at school with tears in my eyes because I realize that this is what love is all about, she is what love is all about… After almost 13 years, I am as in love with her as I was the day we met. It is a funny thing, how God works. I have learned that I cannot expect anything in life, but I can accept. I accept what is given to me each day. I accept that today may be more difficult than yesterday. But I also trust that no matter how difficult today may be, eventually, the clouds will open up, the birds will sing, the sun will shine and I will have a good day. When is it not a good day, when I can look into the eyes of the child that God gave and tell her I love her?
Thank you for what you are doing, that you for caring enough to let these girls share their stories and not feel so alone.
Shannon
Shannon,
You seem to have a bit of a quandry in “How to help your daughter not make the choices you did.” May I share just a couple of things you can do … you can do them together as you have the schooling and even growing together.
There is a site that I know and I will copy it to you. There is a site that sells “Purity Rings”. This is something that you both can agree upon … purity to marriage.
At 13 years old, she is headed for many trials, learning experiences,peer pressures and more. It’s different for these girls today than it was when we were teens and I really would love to help you find the tools to help
your daughter through these times.
I would also recommend allowing her to read the stories on this website about the women that have not chosen life. I would read them first before allowing her to read them. Some may not be the best for her at age 13 … but if she can see the pain that abortion has caused so many women, it may be something that would stick out in her mind to also help other teen girls.
Shannon – thank you for your encouraging and beautiful e-mail. It was a joy to read.
May God richly bless you.
Luv Lisa
Dear Becky — I am a nineteen year old, single, 3 month pregnant girl. I was faced with the decision to have an abortion in March. I chose not to have one. I had an appointment at an abortion clinic in Knoxville and backed out the day before going and decided not to have the abortion.
I actually found your site while searching on the internet the night before my appointment and I cried as I read the stories. I knew deep down I didn’t want to have an abortion but the father told me I had no other choice. I woke up and realized, it was my baby and I had a choice.
My situation was a bad one. I dated the same guy for three years, since I was 16. It was my first love and our break-up left me broken hearted. His guy friend who is quite a bit older than me, came over to talk to me and was supposedly “comforting” me one day, one thing lead to another. He was only the second person I had ever slept with, the first time, and I was on birth control. Not to mention, he was married. I am really embarrassed to admit all of this. Because I promise I’m not a skank or a whore and I know you must be thinking I am. I would probably think that too. But, I just messed up. I opened myself in the most vulnerable time in my life to let the devil have input in my life. Not only was this guy really good friends with my ex who I still do and did love, he was also a very prominent man in my very small hometown, where everyone knows everyone. This man had only been married for three months when we slept together. So, the negatives seemed to out weigh the positives for having my baby. He put all the blame on me for getting pregnant and said having this baby wasn’t an option.
I went to a church service and the Lord spoke right to my heart I knew that I couldn’t have an abortion. I had never thought they was right. But when faced with the decision, you’ll never know what you’ll do. I went to your web site and I read the stories of the girls who had abortions and regretted them. I knew that would be me. I couldn’t go through it. I knew if I had an abortion that my life would fall apart, and that would be the beginning of my troubles.
So, I told the dad we would keep him being the dad a secret . I would never tell anyone he was the dad and I would deny him being the dad forever. He said as long as I kept it a secret for life it was fine.
As, I said I live in a verrry small town. And of course the father of my baby isn’t a secret anymore. And you know what, it isn’t the end of the world. Everyone is so supportive of me. They all just praise me for the brave desicion I made on keeping my child. The devil didn’t show me people being happy for me. He showed me misery and despair. All of my friends are so excited. Even my parents are happy and are going to help me 100%. Oh and guess what! My mom is pregnant too! We are 1 month apart! God does peculiar things.
The dad isn’t playing a part in my life. He calls every now and then to make sure Im okay. But, he really doesn’t want anything to do with my child. But, you know who is calling, my first love. And he knows who the daddy is. He is hurt this has happend to me, but he is being so great to me. I don’t need the dad of my baby and my baby doesn’t either. God will send someone to love me and my child and be a a great daddy to my child.
I couldn’t find how to tell my story on your site. Because I would like to share it, if I could just encourage one person not to have an abortion, I would. The circumstances may seem terrible but, if they could just see all that I’ve been through and how everything has turned out okay. Its a life inside you, and God has put it in you and chose you to be the mother for a reason. It may seem like the end of the world and abortion may seem like the only option but if you choose to have your baby, you’ll never regret it once. I am so glad I chose to keep my baby. I just want to thank you for your site. I just want you to know your site had an influence on me keeping my baby. You should be so proud of that. I am thankful for people like you. Thanks.
Anne
Dear Anne,
I am so incredibly happy to hear of the life giving choice that you have made! I can’t stop smiling. You have overcome so many obstacles already.You will be given the strength and courage you need to continue to stand up and be the best mother you can be! God will give you everything you need, every step of the way. Trust in Him. He will never let you down. That is so cool that your mom is expecting a baby, too. I’m sure you will become even closer to her as you walk this road together. I am so glad to hear that you are getting so much support. Even if the baby’s father isn’t there for you, there are so many others that are. That will mean a lot to you in the days ahead. Thank you so much for writing in and sharing your story with us. You are truly a witness…we should never give up hope. No matter how dark or frightening our situation seems…if we only persevere and choose what is right…there is a light at the end of that tunnel. May your life be blessed abundantly as you embark on this exciting journey of motherhood!
I appreciate your website. Eighteen years ago I unexpectedly became pregnant after I married my second husband. He had two children and I had a five-year -old daughter. I knew the night I became pregnant. He urged me to get the morning after pill, so I called Planned Parenthood.
I told them the time it happened and they suggested that I was stupid for waiting so long.
Sure enough, two weeks later I found out I was pregnant. My husband harassed me day and night about the baby. How were we going to handle a fourth child. Now, we were both working and were very well paid. It got to the point I couldn’t take it any longer, so I called Planned Parenthood again.
I made an appointment for an abortion, scheduled for the very last day for an early abortion, twelve weeks. I felt it was the only choice that I had because of the constant pressure from my husband. Here I was getting rid of a child and I was already a mother.
How could I look at my daughter and tell her that her little brother or sister deserved to die because he or she didn’t fit in with future retirement plans or the fact that the older kids had to go to college. Who cared if this baby had a future? I cared and couldn’t face a future with empty arms and a broken heart. I cancelled my appointment on the day of the scheduled abortion.
If my husband wanted to kick me so be it. My child would have a chance to live.
Twenty weeks later I gave birth to my second and last child. She was born at 32 weeks and had a very rough start in life. She had heart surgery and went through a variety of therapies. School was a struggle for her for many years. But praise God she lived. After her birth, I met so many mothers who had lost their babies born earlier or later than my daughter. I considered her a miracle for surviving her difficult start in life.
I’m so happy to say that she is graduating from high school this June. I can’t imagine walking the streets or seeing other kids her age and wondering about her. I will attend her graduation this year and I’ll pray for the parents all over this country who are missing their children’s graduation ceremony because their children had no chance at life. I’ll weep at this graduation just as I did at my older daughter’s graduation for the children who never had a choice to go to school or graduate.
I’m still married and our daughter is the apple of her father’s eye. She is the only child he has raised from birth. If I can say one thing to any girl or woman considering abortion. Take it one day a time. You’ll get through it. Don’t let the pressure from other people force you to an action you’ll regret for the rest of your life. Cry out to the Lord , He’s there for you. When your child was conceived, God knew all about him or her. He has wonderful plans for you and for your child. God always provides a way, it may not be your plan, but He is there to see you through.
Mary
Dearest Mary – how beautiful your story is.
Thank you so very much for sharing your story. What a joy it must be to seeyour beautiful daughter graduate and I imagine when you see her give birth to her first child … you will be in awe again. Every milestone is a blessing
from the Lord to see His perfect plan unfold in this precious life.
God bless you
Luv Lisa
Dear Becky — Hi, my name is Kortni. I was 14 years old when I found out I was pregnant. I had been raped by my brothers best friend, on June 13, 2003. I knew I was pregnant before I even took the tests. Just to be sure, I took one E.P.T and it came out positive. My heart sank, but then I thought to myself, oh these tests are only 99% accurate…I could be that 1%. A few days later I took another EPT test. It also came out positive. That’s when the tears started to fall. One by one they slowly rolled down my cheeks. I went and sat in my room and cried, just thinking about it…I’m 14 years old and I’m pregnant. I sat there and thought about it for along time. I can’t be pregnant… I’m just about to start high school, and what will the kids at school say? What’ll my family and friends think of me?
But then I thought, how could I ever end the life of an innocent child? Its not my babies fault that I got raped. I was really scared to tell anyone, so I didn’t, I kept it bottled up, until one day, I snapped and I broke down and told my mom everything.
She immediately called the police to start an investigation on the man who assaulted me. I felt so violated, not only had I just been sexually assaulted, but now I had serveral doctors poking and prodding ‘down there’. All kinds of tests were being done. It was so scary, and I felt so alone. I had no one. It was just me and the baby inside me.
I was also really scared about my dad finding out, I thought he would hit me or disown me.
So, lets fast forward a little bit..it’s about mid July now, and I was actually begining to get a little pooch, my stomach was hard… my chest was swollen and sensitive… I was tired all the time.I also had horrible emotional problems. Everything made me cry.
I knew that I had to make a decision about my baby now, before it got past the 1st trimester. I had 2 choices, abort or keep. I weighed the consequences of both. At the time, the consequences of having the baby seemed greater than those of aborting. So, I called Planned Parenthood, and set up an abortion for August 8, 2003. I didn’t get any sleep the night before the abortion.
When I walked into the clinic, I was immediatly scared. My heart raced, my hands sweated, my stomach turned. I was paralyzed with fear. I looked around, and there were lots of people there, from all diferent walks of life. Some dressed very nice, and sat straight up. Others were dressed in farm clothes, while others still, were in sweats. After checking in, I sat down, when I looked up, across from me was sitting a women who must have been atleast 6 months pregnant. I couldn’t even look at her. It made me hurt.
Finally they called my name and I was taken to a room with a counsellor. She asked me all sorts of questions, but she never asked me if I was sure I wanted to do this. She never discussed other options with me. She just asked me what some of my fears were, and I told her my bigges fear was how I would feel after the abortion. The lady told me that all that would feel is releif, and that not many women feel regret.
Finally, I was taken into a white room. It was cold in there. It did not seem like a comforting place.The nurse asked me to take off my bottoms, so I did. I sat up on the table for what seemed like an eternity to wait for the doctor. Finally, a man in a white overcoat came in and introduced himself to me, and told me that I was going to
feel cramps and that was about it ( I was having a suction abortion).
Before he began the procedure they took an ultrasound. I asked if I could see and they told me that it was best that I didn’t. I asked if they could tell the sex of the baby yet and they told me it was too soon to tell.
The doctor began the abortion. As I lay there on my back, emotions flooded my heart. All I could think about
was “oh my god, I’m vaccuming my baby away”. When the doctor told me it would only be about 2 more minutes I started to cry. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I put my hand on my stomach, and it was soft again. I cried silently. I knew then, that I had killed my own child.
After the procedure, I was taken into a room and given cookies and juice. I just couldn’t keep anything down, I was sick to my stomach. I kept feeling my stomach and it was soft…my baby was gone…forever.
Fast Forward. Its now January 2004. I am now 17 days away from what would have been my due date. My baby would’ve been born the day before Valentines day. I know that Valentines day for me this year is going to be very hard.
I remember the lady telling me that I would only feel relief. She was wrong. I feel like she lied to me. Ever since the abortion I have felt nothing but regret. I miss my baby. If I could turn back time I would, and I would keep my baby. I have nightmares now, about my baby. He comes to me, he’s a little blonde haired, green eyed boy. He has my eyes. He tells me that he misses me, and we wants to be with me. And every time I reach out to touch him, I get really close, and then I fall, and wake up in tears.
Right now, if any of my friends were to ever consider abortion I would tell them not to do it, because I went through it, and it’s not going to make all your problems go away, it’ll only make them worse. It’ll make you feel worse about yourself.
Kortni
My dear Kortni,
My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand-up Girl website with some of the e-mail that is received. I hope you don’t mind if I e-mail you.
Firstly, I am also a “Stand-Up Girl” as you are now a Stand-Up Girl. Here is a link to my specific testimony so you know where I am coming from. http://www.standupgirl.com/dearbecky/news-archive-12-10-2003.html
I have to say – out of all the girls that I have talked to or read e-mails from … yours made me have to leave my desk and weep for you. Though (if you have read my story yet) my heart has been healed, your story brought
my experience back too … as if it were just yesterday again. May I say Kortni – you are not alone in your experience. As you saw on this website, there is woman after woman that regrets her abortion.
There are steps that you CAN take toward healing your broken heart my friend and I hope that I can help direct you where to take these steps. Please Kortni, don’t let this just ‘hide in your heart’ for the next 10 years
like I did. Deal with it now. Here is a hyperlink to a site that if you go to it, you can click on the state you are located at and then find a local Crisis Pregnancy place and call them. Ask them if they have “Post
Abortive Recovery” groups and sign up as soon as you can. Let’s get you through the steps to help you recover. But also, share the truth with others. Maybe God will use you to share the truth with someone else that is considering this.
Let me know if I can do anything else. I’m in California -and I’ll be thinking about you and I’ll say a prayer for you.
Take care my dear.
Luv Lisa
Becky,
Your website address was in my church’s bulletin this week, and I am so glad that I visited your site. It is amazing how one person can positively touch the lives of many. My sister was that person for me.
I became pregnant at 19, and I was very alone. My boyfriend’s option was abortion, and when I wouldn’t agree, he abandoned us. I had no idea how I was going to support myself and my baby, or how I was going to finish college and accomplish the high goals I had set out for myself. Success was so important for me; I had just graduated a year before as valedictorian of my high school. I only knew what was in my heart, and that the love I had for my unborn baby was tremendous. My mother ended up kicking me out of my parents house over a quarrel unrelated to the pregnancy. I moved in with my sister and her family.
I was so confused and afraid. I didn’t tell anyone for a while, even my sister. I went to the doctor regularly, but I just couldn’t tell anyone for fear that they would be disappointed with me. Luckily, I finally told my sister and her husband and they were very supportive. Instead of judging me for my “failure”, my sister and brother-in-law actually congratulated me!
It wasn’t so easy to tell my parents. My mother started yelling while my dad cried. It was such a surprise to them!
My sister taught me how to love and appreciate your children, and how to be a good parent. My nephew had just been born, so I learned all of the baby basics first hand. My sister was my lamaze coach, and I do not know how I could have gone through labor without her. My brother-in-law video taped the pregnancy and my father was in the delivery room. My dad was the first one to hold my son, and their bond has been huge ever since.
After I stopped crying looking at the result of that pregnancy test, I became overwhelmed with the fantastic idea of a little being growing inside me. I was depressed during the pregnancy, but I had so many positive things in my life to even it out. Not everyone is as fortunate, not seeing the good out of the situation.
Labor was neither fun, nor bearable, but so extremely worth the sacrifice. It is so hard to explain the love that I have for my son to people who do not have children. I love him like I take a breath; it is so natural and necessary for me to live. He has improved my life beyond words. I am no longer selfish and self-destructive. I try to see the good out of everyone and every situation. He can change my mood with a simple smile or “mommy, I love you.” I would do it all over again without hesitation.
I have never received any support, financial or otherwise from my son’s father. Somehow I managed. While it took my seven years to graduate college, I did and can’t imagine being any happier if I had finished in four. There are no limitations on what you can accomplish if your goals are for love.
I hope that just one person is able to hear my story and at least reconsider what choices they have. I had always been pro-choice until I dreamt I was pregnant in high school. Just knowing that the baby was growing inside me changed my standpoint and my life.
Success-driven women and teens are so quick to turn off their emotions and do the “logical” thing. Logic plays no role in love. One question to ask yourself is if you will be able to live with decision in ten years?
Shannon
Dear Shannon,
Your story is just so uplifting! Thank you for sharing it with me. It is so full of hope and encouragement.
You stood up for what you knew was right and God has blessed you for it! What seemed to be an impossible situation has been turned into something beautiful. You were able to reconcile with your family. How wonderful. Your
sister and her husband were there when you most needed them. They must be really special people. Finding support can be very difficult, but it is SO important! We really need to pray for the girls out there who don’t have any
support and reach out to them in any way we can.
You also went on to finish university. What an awesome accomplishment that is! You were able to achieve the goals you had set out. Many girls think that they have to give that all up if they have a baby. You have proven that
to be untrue!
You made the right decision and you have been and will continue to be blessed.
