I have been reading a few of the stories on here and some girls can relate to me. I am 17, going to be 18 on Sunday. I found out that I was pregnant about 3 months ago. When I found out I was so happy, but scared at the same time. How was I going to tell my parents, would they be mad? Ugh, so many thoughts ran through my head. The day that I told my boyfriend he was calm. I will admit I wasn’t sure if he would leave me cuz we were still pretty new. But he didn’t, thank gosh!!!

Well, a week passed and I told my aunt, and me and her both told my parents. To my surprise, my parents were pretty understanding, and supportive. After I told my parents, I was so happy that I was pregnant and went to the store the next day and bought all of the little things like bottles and washcloths, etc. I didn’t buy any clothes cuz I didn’t know the sex of the baby. Later that day, my mom took me to the hospital to make sure that I was pregnant and because I told her that I was spotting. At the hospital, I had an ultrasound and the doctor said that everything was fine. I still went on and was happy as ever. Then I started having really bad cramps while I was in school.  So I called my mom and told her. She told me to come home and she would take me to the hospital again. This time when we went, they said everything was fine also. Then my first appointment came and me, my mom, and my boyfriend went. I was so excited to go. Then when it was time to hear a heartbeat, I heard nothing. I asked if that meant it wasn’t okay. The doctor said well we will get another ultrasound done to see if we see a heartbeat.

As I laid there, I saw nothing on the screen, just my “sac”. I was confused, where was my baby, was it hiding, where the heck was it? The person that did the ultrasound said she would take the pictures to my doctor. I looked at my mom, then at my boyfriend. I knew something wasn’t right. Since all of the chairs in the room were taken, I sat on the floor, and I started crying. My mom came over and she hugged me and cried with me. Then we all went to my doctor’s office and she came in and told me that my body destroyed my baby!!!! I started crying even more. I tried not to look at anyone. I felt alone although I wasn’t.

We then went to see when I could get a D&C….. which was the next day. After that day, I feel empty. So many thoughts going through my head everyday. I often think it’s not fair, there are women out there that do drugs while pregnant and still get to have their baby. Why not me? I’m doing everything I could but it didn’t make it. I also think, I never even got to see its face, who it would look more like, I never got to see my baby’s first steps or hear it cry, I’ll never get to hold my baby and just look at it while it’s sleeping. I cry everyday and I can’t look at babies.

I do want another one, but my boyfriend wants to wait. Maybe it’s the best thing to do…