The day I went to have it done, the clinic gave me 2 pills. One to take there and one at home. I did it alone because of the overwhelming shame I felt. I followed the directions word for word, but nothing prepared me for what happened. First off, it was the worst pain I have EVER felt in my life. And secondly, I SAW my baby.
Dear Becky —
Two years ago, I made the worst mistake of my life; I got a non-surgical abortion. I was only 19 at the time and I thought that my boyfriend (at the time) and I wouldn’t be good parents. Plus, I had a very crazy, full life and a baby just wouldn’t fit in. Mainly though, I was just scared. The problem was that no one informed me just how alive my baby was. I thought that at nine weeks, he/she was just a bubble of goo, not really alive. I found out the hard way.
The day I went to have it done, the clinic gave me 2 pills. One to take there and one at home. I did it alone because of the overwhelming shame I felt.
I followed the directions word for word but nothing prepared me for what happened.
First off, it was the worst pain I have EVER felt in my life. And secondly, I SAW my baby. After I had ‘expelled’ the sac, he or she was in there. It was. MY BABY. Words can never describe what I saw. I remember that he/she looked so human already and I hate myself for not knowing that he/she had a heart and eyes. Very blue eyes on the sides of the head and the starting of hands and feet. And I remember that I loved him or her right then. And I remember thinking it was too late. I had no idea that my baby was so big after only 2 months; About the size of an inch, maybe more.
I will never forget my baby and I want to warn other girls that just because you can’t see or feel it inside you doesn’t mean it’s not alive. Get the facts! Please, please, please Becky, post this on your site so other don’t make the same mistake!
Love,
Amber |
Ohhh Amber! —
My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl with some of her e-mail.
As I read your e-mail I just had a feeling I knew what was coming. I couldn’t help but have to keep wiping my eyes with the tissue as I thought of how alone you must have felt and the horror you must have felt when you saw and held your baby. As I read your story – I had to sit in my chair covering my mouth, wishing I could just give you a big loving hug and tell you — ohhh Amber, I am so very very sorry.
Not one heart can contain such pain – can it? I am here for you, Amber. Know that you are not alone. I also had (I’m sorry to say) 2 abortions. It’s taking me forever to write this letter to you ’cause I’m just full of tears for you Amber. No words that I can say will take away the memory or the pain. But can I share my story with you. Do you know how I found relief? How I found freedom? You can read it if you want, and if you don’t want to – that’s OK too. I’m a previously featured Stand Up Girl.
Amber – what I’d like to do is share a website with you that can maybe offer a post-abortion group. I did it once for each of my babies and the materials that I used was a book called “Forgiven and Set Free” written by Linda Cochran. It was an amazing and wonderful book, only about 10 chapters long that brought me through all of the emotional steps that I needed to find healing, forgiveness and freedom.
The biggest step was my step to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Now – I don’t share this with everyone on the site. I’m not Bible thumping anyone. Not at all. I just want to share … I tried everything. I tried drugs, alcohol, promiscuity, partying – I tried a lot of things. But when I finally got a relationship with Him, – I found freedom.
So if you are interested, just let me know and I’ll tell you all about Him. In the meantime – let’s see if we can locate a center near you that might offer post-abortion group. Trust me – if you call one of these centers, more than likely the girl that answers the phone will be someone just like you and like me. But she has found healing and is wanting to share that with any girl that will call. OK?
Let me know what you can find OK? And please know that I’m right here if you want to talk. I will always listen patiently OK?
I’m right here for you. Thank you for the courage to write your letter.
Luv Lisa
I had my son Damon at age 16. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. I dropped out of school when I was 3 months pregnant and always told myself I can return next year.
Dear Becky —
I had my son Damon at age 16. It was one of the hardest things I had ever done in my life. I dropped out of school when I was 3 months pregnant and always told myself I can return next year.
I spent the next 2 months arguing with my parents about the decision that was mine and my son’s father, whether to keep my son or have an abortion or give him up for adoption. The next 5 months were normal until the 7th month when I started to experience sickness and cramps. The doctor told me that it was morning sickness though I couldn’t understand why after 7 months, I would have morning sickness. Two weeks later, my son was born at 5 lbs 7 oz 19 in. I am now 23 years old. My son will be 7 in October. I achieved my G.E.D in June and this past February, I enrolled in college to get my Bachelors of Science in Accounting.
The reason I am writing is to let all teen parents know your dreams can come true, it will just take effort and a whole lot of faith in yourself.
Trisha
Dearest Trisha —
My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mail.
You know what, Trisha – I just got finished with writing a return letter to a girl that was afraid that she would wind up in welfare because that is what everyone told her would happen. It is young women like you that prove it can be done and I just wanted to encourage her … she can do it.
You know why? You are both Stand Up Girls!
I am so proud of you! Thank you for sharing your story with us. You brightened my day!
Luv Lisa |
Hey Lisa. I am 16 years old and I need some answers. I am thinking more and more every day I am pregnant. Can you help?
Dearest Emily – I would love to help you. Really the only way I can truly help you is to maybe refer you to a center where you can have a free and confidential pregnancy test taken.
Would you like that information?
I will give you a link to a site where you can find one near you. Just to let you know also that I’m not a doctor, so I can’t really give you any medical advice, and truly the only way that you will know for sure if you are or are not pregnant is to get a test taken.
http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp
Or you can call (800) 395-HELP (4357)
Let me know what you find. OK?
Thank you for your e-mail
Luv Lisa
Hey Lisa, I took a test and it was negative but I really was looking forward to having a baby. Do you think I should still consider getting pregnant?
Brittany – Hello. I’m so glad you asked me. You know what I really think is the best idea? Enjoy being 16 and then enjoy being 17 and do the
things that you can do to prepare to be a mommy after becoming a wife.
You know why? Because a baby truly is not only a big responsibility and takes every minute of your time, but a baby is an expensive undertaking.
Let’s do this … Go to the supermarket … or to a Babys ‘R’ Us store and pretend like you are shopping. Grab a large package of diapers because you will be changing a diaper probably about 4 times a day.
So… 4 diapers a day (roughly), 7 days a week. That is 28 diapers.
So, put enough in your basket to last you 2 weeks. Then you need baby formula. That goes really fast. Then bottles, baby clothing (which doesn’t last long because babies grow fast!), bottle nipples, all the items for diaper changing .. powder, baby wipes and so forth.
Really – the reason why I suggest this? It is because we all want a little baby so badly. A baby to love, a baby will be so adorable and I would love to hold my very own baby and care for him/her. Brittany, in due time you will, but you really want to have a husband that supports you. A husband that says when you are so tired one night when the baby is crying “Honey, I’ll get up and feed or change the baby, you sleep.”
Another reason is … if you want to share and show love for a baby, you should have a mommy and a daddy there and ready to love and to care for him/her. You would want to experience pregnancy WITH the man that loves you and is truly excited to have the baby with you.
If you have a baby now, you will have to bypass all the wonderful things of 16, 17 and 18 year old stuff. Prom night, graduation and hangin’ out with your friends, a wedding day as you look forward to starting a family with your husband rather than you have a ready-made family.
Brittany – I would say wait to have a baby. Babies are adorable, but it truly is best when you have a husband standing by your side.
Something I might suggest … get a tiny puppy and begin with caring for a puppy, give the puppy your time and you can pay for all the puppies food and feed it and care for it. That’s still a big responsibility – don’t you think?
Let me know what you think Brittany. Thank you so much for your e-mail.
Luv Lisa
Hey, thank you for helping me. I think I will wait. You are right. I don’t think I’m ready for all the responsibility, but one day, I will be ready so once again thank you so much for your help!!
your friend, Brittany
PS. Write me back some time..:)
Brittany – I am so very proud of you! Maybe choosing purity to marriage might be your next step? That’s what my husband and I did. We loved each other so much too … but we waited until we were married before we had sex. I wasn’t a virgin when I met my husband unfortunately, but I got so tired of dealing with the fears of pregnancy before marriage that I made a vow before God that I would save my body until marriage. I learned, Brittany, that True Love Waits! The man that I married proved to me how much he really loved me and he waited for marriage before we got intimate.
If you’re interested in that too – I’d love to share a really cool site with you. They have this jewelry that says “True Love Waits” and you can wear it … kind of like a confirmation of your vow. Something just kinda different and fun. Maybe your friends will catch on to it too.
I’m proud of you Brittany. Take care of yourself. Let me know if you’re interested in taking that vow and that jewelry!
Luv Lisa
Yes, I would be very interested in taking that vow. That would be awesome..:)
Woo hoo! How cool is that Brittany!
Here’s the link. I love these … let me know if you find something!
http://www.factory79.com/
Luv Lisa
Nick Cannon, actor and popular singer who’s music video “Can I Live” relates so well to so many visitors to this site, is offering to help young women raising children on their own. He’s so proud of his own mother for giving him life, he wants to encourage other young women as well…
“Hey y’all It’s Nick,
Thank you for all the support with my “Can I Live” record. It is really taking off. We are shooting the video very soon. It is going to be great! This record is extremely important to me and to our community. There are a lot of young mothers in need and have had to struggle to raise their children. I just wanted to recognize all the strong women who are raising children on their own like my mother had to do. Myself and my foundation really want to help these young women. If any of you out there know a single mother between the ages of 15-25 who may be having a difficult time, I would love to hear the story. Please write to me and explain the condition and how I could possibly help. I will check the website and respond accordingly.
“Can I Live” is a rap song, topping the charts and showing up on MTV’s Total Request Live. Nick Cannon performs the song as a tribute to his mother who almost aborted him. She walked away from the abortion clinic after she chose life for her son Nick. Continue reading for the complete lyrics. Here’s an excerpt:
You Seventeen huh
And having me that will ruin everything huh
It’s a lot of angels waiting for their wings
You see me in your sleep so you can’t kill your dreams
300 Dollars that’s the price of living what?
Mommy I don’t like this clinic
Hopefully, you’ll make the right decision
And don’t go through with the Knife Decision
But it’s hard to make the right move
When you in high school
How you have to work all day and take night school
Hopping off da bus when the rain is pouring
What you want morning sickness or the sickness of mourning
Talking Ma
I know the Situation is Personal
But it something that has to be told
As I was making this beat
You was all I could think about you heard my voice
Yeah Just think Just Think
What if you could Just
Just blink yourself away..
Just Just wait just pause for a second
Let me plead my case
It’s the late 70’s Huh
You Seventeen huh
And having me that will ruin everything huh
It’s a lot of angels waiting for their wings
You see me in your sleep so you cant kill your dreams
300 Dollars that’s the price of living what?
Mommy, I don’t like this clinic
Hopefully you’ll make the right decision
And don’t go through with the Knife Decision
But it’s hard to make the right move
When you in high school
How you have to work all day and take night school
Hopping off da bus when the rain is pouring
What you want morning sickness or the sickness of mourning
I Will Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk I Would Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
I Will Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk I Would Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
I am a child of the king
Ain’t no need to go fear me
And I see the flowing tears so know that you hear me
When I move in your womb that’s me being scary
‘Cause who knows what my future holds
Yo the truth be told you ain’t told a soul
Yo you ain’t even showing I’m just 2 months old
Through your clothes try to hide me deny me
Went up 3 sizes
Your pride got you lying saying ain’t nothing but a migraine
It ain’t surprising you not trying to be in Wic food lines
Your friends will look at you funny but look at you mommy
That’s a life inside you look at your tummy
What is becoming ma I am Oprah bound
You can tell he’s a star from the Ultrasound
Our Sprits Connected Doors Open Now
Nothing But Love And Respect Thanks For Holding Me Down She Let Me Live…
I Will Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk I Would Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
I Will Always Be a part of you
Trust Your Soul Know it’s always true
If I Could Talk I Would Say To You
CAN I LIVE?
CAN I LIVE?
It’s uplifting for real yall
I ain’t passing no judgement
Ain’t making no decisions
I am just telling ya’ll my story
My love life
I love my mother for giving me life
We all need to appreciate life
A strong woman that had to make a sacrifice
Thanks for listening
Thanks for listening
Mama, thanks for listening
He came to me. The guy who forever changed my life. James! He just happened to be 5 years older. But it didn’t matter, for I was in love. I really fell hard for the guy. For once in my life, I was happy. James was so different. He made me feel loved. Of course, my parents didn’t know about him. They would pretty much kill me if they found out. So every night at midnight, I would sneak out and see him.
Dear Becky — My story is the typical teenage one…Girl falls in love, gets pregnant, guy leaves her. But first, I’m going to start from where it all began.
I’m just a 15-year-old girl, who wanted love. Who wanted to be loved…I was the type who always looked for it. I never could find that “right one”. So I began to just give up on it. They say to not look for love, that it comes to you.
That’s what just happened. He came to me. The guy who forever changed my life. James! He just happened to be 5 years older. But it didn’t matter, for I was in love. I really fell hard for the guy. For once in my life, I was happy. James was so different. He made me feel loved. Of course, my parents didn’t know about him. They would pretty much kill me if they found out. So every night at midnight, I would sneak out and see him. He would always tell me that I was different than the other girls. That he was in love with me. I believed it. Every word he said. I found myself in love with him. It was weird for me because I never let myself go that deep. But I did. Before I even met James, I heard the stories… He’s the type who likes to sleep around. He was what they call a man whore. I didn’t think things would get serious. So I really didn’t care. Then we kept seeing each other. I really didn’t want to get hurt. He told me that he was going to change…He wouldn’t dare to sleep around. I was happy about that. Things were so great. He would call to say good morning….e-mail to just say he was thinking of me. One time, he even stayed up till 6 in the morning watching over me. Because stupid me, had too much to drink…and as I woke up he was all “I was sooo worried about you babe”….that’s when I realized he was different. At that point, we were “seeing each other” for two weeks… This is where it all began… The symptoms!!!! I remember the first time I told him that I might be pregnant… He would want to talk about it. But I was really scared. I would ask him to shut up. But he would remain to talk about it. He said that we had to be prepared in case the test came out positive. James then told me that he was really happy, that he was going to help me. That I had his support. I remember he said that it was a way for us to be together… So I was glad to hear that.
The next day, I planned to take the test. James said to me to not freak out about the results. Wait for him to be there, so he could help me get through. When I finally took the test, It came out negative…what a relief!!! When I told James the news, he said that he was hoping that it came out positive. He was hoping for me to be pregnant!! Another week went by, and I still felt symptoms, so I retook the test…this time. It changed my life forever…. Yes, it turned out I was pregnant. What was I going to do? But then I thought wait, I have James… So I stopped the worry, I called him up and told him the news, he was happy! I really didn’t think I had any worries. Except I still didn’t understand how he could be happy about this.
I told him that he was going to wake up in the morning and realize what I said. Come to find out, that’s exactly what happened…A few days past, no call….a week…two weeks… He became distant! I knew what this meant, that he didn’t want to help out anymore. It crushed me. I thought that maybe he was scared…. so I gave him time….time…time…and more time… I was hoping for him to have a change of heart. For him to want me back. But, it turns out all I did was keep dreaming…Nothing ever did happen. I didn’t understand. How he could do that to me…after saying he would help me. I thought he loved me. Love only lasts so long. He had to leave me in a time like this. I needed to move on. Except that I still loved him. To this day, my heart could take him back. I realized that he wasn’t coming back. It hurt! Never in my life have I ever experienced a pain like that. I began to think…and I needed to be strong. Most guys to this to girls. I still have my moments when I break down, but I try my best to keep my head high. I had to for my baby….Everyday James goes through my mind. I wonder what he’s doing. How he is. I know he’s going on with his life. That’s what I have to do. In the end, it’ll all work out!
I’m 15 and pregnant. I look on the bright side of things. Yeah, maybe James did break my heart, but I have something to live for. I struggle all the time to pick up the phone…Still wanting to hear his voice. Its too hard though. About a week ago, I finally did get a hold of him. He was on his way to a chick’s house. We did manage to talk for 10 minutes though…He said he was sorry that we haven’t talked. I was all James, you’ve got your life…and then he’s all I could have called you!!! I thought maybe he really was sorry. Then he said he would call me back…..I waited!! I waited ALL night. He never called. TYPICAL! I’m now 2 months pregnant…. I still keep picking up the phone….because I know that we have to discuss things. I mean he’s having a child. He cant ignore that. I don’t know if I should call him. I keep waiting for his call. But I know he’ll never call. That’s my story. I fell in love with a guy. When he found out I was pregnant, he never spoke to me again. Even after he said he would help me through this. I think that I learned a lot from this. I hope this inspired some girls. That sometimes you just have to let go. Guys will leave. I mean mine even said he would stay. You may be in love, but being pregnant scares the guys.
Thanks for reading this. Girls, you’ve got to stay strong. There’s always going to be struggles. But stay strong. One day, I may work up the strength to call James. One day… I hope you guys have better luck.
Carol
Dear Carol — WOW! Your story had me reading to the very last sentence! You know what, Carol? You are a true Stand Up Girl! I will tell you though, please be prepared Carol. There WILL come a day when he will try to walk back into your life. He knows there is a baby on the way and he is not taking responsibility for his actions. Please try to remember that.
I think your story will encourage many other young women in their pregnancy as they will see that they are not alone. You know?
Keep standing tall Carol. You have a beautiful little life on the way. Take care of yourself and know that if you want to talk, I’m here for you.
Thank you for your e-mail.
Luv Lisa |
We didn’t plan on having sex until we were married. Well, one night things all changed, and we did end up having sex, the first time, and I got pregnant. What a shock huh? Well, it was for me, being only 16 and still in school, and pregnant.
Dear Becky — I am now a 17-year-old mother of a 4 1/2-month-old son. His name is Jasadrian, and he was 7 lbs 10.1 oz 20 ¼ in.
I had my head on straight, had plans for the future, and college all worked out for me. Then I fell in love, and things all changed. My ex-boyfriend/father of our son is now not in my or our son’s life. Here is the story…
We didn’t plan on having sex until we were married. Well, one night things all changed, and we did end up having sex, the first time, and I got pregnant. What a shock huh? Well, it was for me, being only 16 and still in school, and pregnant. The time me and my boyfriend did have sex, like two weeks after that, we were both laying in my bed, just laying in each other’s arms, then I turned to him, and told him I had to tell him something, I turned away from him and I just started crying and he’s like “I know what it is”, and I couldn’t tell him still. I was such a mess. He asked me if I knew for sure and I said NO. A few days after that, and I got an EPT test. I didn’t tell my boyfriend because I wasn’t ready to take it yet, I already knew.
I did end up taking it. Me and my boyfriend were sleeping, and it was somewhere between 2-3 in the morning. I went to the bathroom and took it. It was the longest time ever it seemed like waiting for the results. After I had seen it, I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t move. I just kept looking at the little stick in my hand that had two pink lines. Finally, the shock wore off enough for me to move and go back to my room. I woke Alex up, and told him, ” Alex, I just took the test”. And he’s like what did it say, I was like go see for yourself, and he’s said, no tell me…I was like, ” I AM.” He’s like “Okay, things are going to be fine ” he went back to sleep, and I just laid there, and like this isn’t, and can’t be happening!!! The next morning, he woke up and went to the bathroom, and when he did I heard him pick up the test. I had left it out for him to see for himself. When he came out, I asked him if he had seen two pink lines too, and he said yes. He just came and held me and told me everything was going to be okay (at that time I was 16, he was 21). He told me he would always be there for me and his baby, and he made me feel like things were going to be okay! He told me that he was going to Florida for a few weeks, and I said that it was okay! But for him to come back. He told me he would. Well, the night before he left, I told him that I didn’t want him to go, and we got in a big fight. He told me that he was. He left my house and went and stayed at a friend’s.
Well, the next day (Father’s Day), I had to watch my cousin while my aunt and uncle went out. I called him over and over, then he finally talked to me. I told him happy Father’s Day, and he’s like what does that mean, I should go tell my dad happy Fathers Day. I said NO IT’S FOR YOUR KID! We didn’t talk for long because we ended up fighting again (and our first fight ever) then I asked him if he was going to see me before he left, and tell me goodbye, and he said “Maybe!”
Well, he never came and I never got to say goodbye to him. I didn’t have a # or a address of where he was going, so I couldn’t contact him, I had to wait for him to do that. He called me like 2 months or so after he had left. I just cried the whole time, and kept telling him I loved him. He told me he wanted to be there for the baby, and I kept telling him to come home. Finally the time came when he was about to be due, Alex showed up in November.
Well I was suppose to go for a ultrasound the 16th of December. On our way, A drunk driver hit our car. It killed Alex instantly. I was rushed to the hospital. They had to take my son, or I would of lost him too! So that was the saddest and the happiest day of my life. I lost my boyfriend, and gave birth to our son! Everyday I miss him, and keep thinking of him! It has been hard on me, because I am still in HS. Only 3 more weeks left and then I will graduate. I was kicked out of my house when my mom found out I was pregnant, (everyone wanted me to get an abortion). I thought about it for 1/2 a second, and knew that I could never do that and live with myself. And then Alex left me. So I had to get a job to support myself, and still go to school.
Well now, I am a full time mommy, student, and am working. Things are good now, because I have a perfect gift from God, my baby boy that looks just like his daddy! Each and everyday, I am thankful that I have him. He has made me a stronger woman, and made me respect that everyday we live, we should be thankful for. I want you and everyone to know, that I LOVE MY SON, and he is the world to me.
To you girls out there that think abortion is right. It’s not. Once that baby has a heart beat, you do not have the right to take it away EVER! YOU GIVE LIFE, AND GOD TAKES IT AWAY! Not you! But just to kill that living baby is not right, you would regret it, I’m sure, but it might be hard for you to accept and handle it. Trust me, I did it all on my own, (and still am) but I am thankful that God gave me my son. I’m sure if you think about it, you would rather give a life to a child, then to take it away! So if you are considering an abortion, please think about that poor innocent baby that is inside you, who didn’t do A THING! you brought him/her in this world, he/she didn’t ask to be. It was your decision!
Thanks for your time,
Ashley
Dearest Ashley — My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mail.
Wow! When I read your story, I felt like I was there watching the whole thing happen and my heart so broke for you. I am so sorry you have been through all you have been through, but you have a beautiful baby boy to remember and carry on his fathers memory.
Ashley – you truly are a Stand Up Girl.
I should tell you too, that a baby’s heartbeat can begin within the first week! Did you know that? So … upon conception your baby was alive and a human being, even though he had no form, he was alive. Isn’t that amazing?
Ashley – I am very glad that you have your precious baby boy and I am so proud of you … being a Stand Up Girl. Keep it up my friend.
Luv Lisa
