Dear Lisa — Two years ago I made the worst mistake of my life; I got a non-surgical abortion. I was only 19 at the time and I thought that my boyfriend (at the time) and I wouldn’t be good parents. Plus I had a very crazy, full life and a baby just wouldn’t fit in.
Mainly though, I was just scared. The problem was that no one informed me just how alive my baby was. I thought that at nine weeks he/she was just a bubble of goo, not really alive. I found out the hard way. The day I went to have it done, the clinic gave me 2 pills. One to take there and one at home. I did it alone because of the overwhelming shame I felt.
I followed the directions word for word but nothing prepared me for what happened. First off it was the worst pain I have EVER felt in my life. And secondly, I SAW my baby. After I had ‘expelled’ the sac he or she was in there. It was MY BABY. Words can never describe what I saw. I remember that he/she looked so human already and I hate myself for not knowing that he/she had a heart and eyes. Very blue eyes on the sides of the head and the starting of hands and feet. And I remember that I loved him or her right then. And I remember thinking it was to late. I had no idea that my baby was so big after only 2 months; About the size of an inch maybe more. I will never forget my baby and I want to warn other girls that just because you can’t see or feel it inside you doesn’t mean it’s not alive. Get the facts!
Please, please, please Becky post this on your site so other don’t make the same mistake!
Love,
Amber
Ohhh Amber!
As I read your e-mail I just had a feeling I knew what was coming. I couldn’t help but have to keep wiping my eyes with the tissue as I thought of how alone you must have felt and the horror you must have felt when you saw and held your baby. As I read your story – I had to sit in my chair covering my mouth wishing I could just give you a big loving hug and tell you — ohhh Amber I am so very very sorry.
Not one heart can contain such pain – can it? I am here for you Amber.
Know that you are not alone. I also had (I’m sorry to say) 2 abortions. It’s taking me forever to write this letter to you ’cause I’m just full of tears for you Amber. No words that I can say will take away the memory or the pain. But can I share my story with you do you know how I found relief? How I found freedom? You can read it if you want, and if you don’t want to – that’s OK too. I’m a previously featured Stand Up Girl .
Amber – what I’d like to do is share a website with you that can maybe offer a post abortion group. I did it once for each of my babies and the materials that I used was a book called “Forgiven and Set Free” written by Linda Cochran. It was an amazing and wonderful book only about 10 chapters long that brought me through all of the emotional steps that I needed to find healing, forgiveness and freedom.
Trust me – if you call one of these centers, more than likely the girl that answers the phone will be someone just like you and like me. But she has found healing and is wanting to share that with any girl that will call. OK?
Will you let me know what you find and if you can make the call? Here’s the site:
Go to Pregnancy Crisis Support
And please know that I’m right here if you want to talk. I will always listen patiently OK?
I’m right here for you. Thank you for the courage to write your letter.
Luv Lisa
Dear Becky — Here is my story.
I found out I was pregnant sometime during October.
At first, I was excited and looking forward to the baby, I couldn’t wait to get home to tell my boyfriend. On my way home, all I could do was day dream about prams and cots and baby’s first day of crèche, and how we are going to live happily ever after.
After telling my boyfriend, who was calm and blasé about the whole thing, I suddenly had a dose of reality. That’s when I thought of my parents, more particularly, my mother as my dad had passed on 9 years ago. What will I tell my mother, how will I do it… what if she kicks me out? , which was most likely to happen. To make matters worse, I am living in a foreign country due to studies and my boyfriend is from a totally different country as well… We just met here in South Africa.
More worries came. For example, I was worried that I will not only be kicked out and disowned by my mother, I will also end up raising the baby alone as the dad will most certainly go back to his country. I had no idea what to do but I was determined to keep my baby. The weeks flew by so fast and I was “ excited” so to speak until I was about 14 weeks and people started finding out, I still haven’t told my mother and I thought, now will be the time to tell her before she finds out from someone else..
For days, I couldn’t find the words, I kept hinting at it and she kept trying to avoid the subject. In the end, I decided an abortion was the only option I had, I mean I could have kids in future, right?
I then visited the local abortion clinic and like fresh produce, the procedures had different price tags depending on how far along one is… I was 16 weeks by then… and it was going to cost R1670, roughly $215. I could also choose the method I was most “comfortable” with.
I started doing some research on the different methods. Every time I read up on the methods used, I felt sick. How could I possibly do this to my baby? You see, I have had an abortion before, never even knew it was possible to terminate a pregnancy until I was taken to our family doctor. Back then, I had no clue as to what was happening or the exact implications of the termination as I was only 17. Now I can make my own choices (at least I felt I can). I was dead scared of my mother’s reaction though and I still planned to go through with the abortion. Every day I read up on the methods, every night I cried thinking about it. I also visited the abortion clinic on a regular basis and each time I ran out just before the procedure. At this stage, I was about 19 weeks along and I found out it was a boy as I was still going for my ante natal check ups have started kicking lightly.. The kicks were more frequent when I read up on these methods.
Most days, I couldn’t sleep as I was feeling trapped. I really didn’t want to have an abortion but I couldn’t stand disappointing my mother either, this was despite the remarkable support I got from my boyfriend. I then started pushing him away.. I grew so miserable I cried myself to sleep every night;
In the end, I started loosing so much weight which was unhealthy for my baby and decided to stick to my decision of having him. I then came across the Standup girl website and wrote to Becky. I mainly wanted someone to tell me that I made the right choice that I was not going to regret having the baby… Lisa replied to my mail instantly. She made me see reason and made me realise how lucky I am to be carrying such a gift. She became my rock. Every time I had the thoughts of having an abortion, I emailed her and she got me to think straight again.
I gathered courage to tell my mother and as I expected, she didn’t want much to do with me. She promised to be there for me but have not stayed in touch as she used to. She ignored my text messages, emails and phone calls. This made me more miserable but I was still not convinced it’s reason enough to have an abortion. My school work started to suffer, I was no longer interested in studying, all I did was sleep.
The next few months were horrible, up until my 7th month of pregnancy. At this stage I have read half the stories of other girls on the Standup girl website and realized that I was not alone, there were others in much worse situations than I was and yet they overcame everything. I then started embracing my pregnancy and baby. I began to interact with my baby and as soon as my frame of mind changed, my baby‘s kicks became a sense a joy and pride, I loved every minute of it. I didn’t care about anyone else and I couldn’t worry less about what people thought, including my mother.
On the 27th of June, Jaden Damion was born, at 4.06kg and 50.5 cm; he was one healthy big, beautiful boy. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I told my mom and she was in love with him instantly.
He is the light of my life, the inspiration I have to live life to the full. Life has never had so much meaning for me before. Jaden is 3 months old now and has his own personality. Every time he smiles, my heart melts. He is the richest blessing my boyfriend and I have received and our hearts wants to burst with love and pride at every waking moment… He is our happily ever after.
I would advise anyone going through a tough pregnancy to choose life. There is no greater joy than knowing you helped bring someone into this world. Babies are such a treasure and being able to carry one is the greatest gift of all. Yes, it is tough at first, but the rewards are endless in the end. It’s a decision no one will ever regret.
Dearest Marcia – I can only say wow! What a beautiful story and how I know that this will definitely touch many hearts out there. Often times, we think that we are so alone and that we are the only one experiencing these things. What a comfort it is to find a place, like Stand Up Girl, where so many others can come and share their experiences with each other.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Jaden is absolutely beautiful!
Luv Lisa
Hey Becky it’s jalisa and i have a question my and my boyfriend Michael been seeing one another for 8 1/2 months….. we use to have fun… we had sex unprotected sex on his birthday but i was on birth control then we end up breaking up and then i found out that i was pregnant….
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Dear Becky | Your website was a huge encouragement to me during my pregnancy. I wanted to share my story in hopes it will encourage another young woman in her journey of becoming a mother.
I was pretty much a typical 17 year old. I was a junior in high school. I played varsity soccer and basketball and was the captain of both teams. I was dating the senior captain of the football team. I was well liked by my peers and had a great home life. I was born and raised in a Christian family. I went to church every Sunday morning and Wednesday evening. I knew sex before marriage was wrong, I had been taught it my whole life. Needless to say, I didn’t listen.
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I was 17 and pregnant from a one night stand. My father tried to convince me to have an abortion, I already knew immediately that wasn’t an option for me. My mother wanted me to give the baby up for adoption. My Uncle offered to pay for my college (4 year education) if I would give him my baby.
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