Hey Becky it’s jalisa and i have a question my and my boyfriend Michael been seeing one another for 8 1/2 months….. we use to have fun… we had sex unprotected sex on his birthday but i was on birth control then we end up breaking up and then i found out that i was pregnant….
I never told no one but him and now he saying that it is his baby and now all of something he starts to care and he wants me to get an abortion…i mean i’m so confused because i really want to be with him i love him so much but i don’t know if you’ll feel the same way… should i get the abortion or not?
Dearest Jallisa – hi, my name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.
Jallisa – trust me when I say that abortion is not the right answer to this. It’s not going to make everything go back the way it was before. You know? I can already tell that you have that motherly instinct alive inside of you … Yet you are trying to please everyone else by you.
You are a very important person in all of this … And so is your precious little baby. Your bf is asking you to do something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. It really doesn’t
just ‘go away’. You know what I mean? The reason why I know this is .. Well … Is because I had an abortion and there is nothing worse than when you wake up the next morning and realize what has been done. That your baby is gone and there is nothing you can do to change it.
Somehow it completely changes how your bf looks in your eyes too. Trust me when I tell you this. You can do this Jallisa. You can Stand Up Girl! I’ve seen so so many girls Stand Up and then …either days or a few weeks … Maybe even a couple of months later the bf realizes what is taking place. He’s a father and he Stands up too. There are, however, a few that may not Stand – BUT this is YOUR baby. This is your child inside of YOU. He has absolutely no right to claim the life of your baby and for his convenience tell you what he think or wants you to do.
Jallisa – You see, you and I are on a road called life. When we both came to a fork in the road, one road was called “Abortion” and the other “Life”. I chose the road of abortion and you still stand at that fork in the road. I am able to come back to you from that road and say “Please don’t take this road. Do you see that bend on the road ahead? There is nothing but sorrow, grief, pain, guilt and shame around that corner. There is a feeling of loss like no mothers heart can know and the reason that there is a bend in that road is because the ONLY way that you will ever understand it or know it is to walk it. Please … that road will be the very same for you, so please take that road of life. Tell me what it is like. I so wish I could go down that road instead. But I cannot. It’s too late for me and my babies. But it’s not for you and your’s.”
OK – now that that is said, let me go down the road of your life a little bit. Trust me when I say that the choice of abortion is truly a tragic choice. Especially as you learn about the development of babies in the womb. You will NOT be able to get out of your head “What did my baby go through? What did my baby look like? What stage was my baby at when I aborted him/her?”
There are so many times when I just wish that I could hold my little baby in my arms. Just at least once. I wish that I could feel his breath in my hair or even to change my babies diaper and see my baby giggle. To see that little gumless smile and to touch my babies face. I will never be able to do that. I will never hear “Mommy”, I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night and go to look in at my beautiful little baby in his or her crib sleeping like an angel. I will never get to feel the movement of my baby in my womb – and ohh how I long to experience that.
Please know that no baby that I could even have today would replace the 2 beautiful babies that I aborted.
All of this to say – please understand that you have that motherly instinct strong and alive in you right now. Do NOT allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you can just go on with your life as normal after abortion. The world of abortion is a world of shame and it is NOT talked about very openly. Ohhh everyone says it should be legal and it’s OK – but how many girls do you hear talking – in passing saying “Oh yea, I had an abortion a couple of days ago. It was a pretty simple procedure.” You might hear a girl talking about getting a piercing or a tattoo! But not an abortion. You know? Why? Because it is a painful, private and subject of shame. Especially those of us that have done it.
Please let me know what I can do. Here is a website to help you locate a nearby center that is completely free and confidential for you. They can help you too. Remember, I’m just a keystroke away.
Please let me know how you are.
Lisa – thanks you made me realize that this is my baby and plus if i would got the abortion it only would of been because of him.. and i dont wanna have a life full of reget that not good at all…..this is really confused and hard to do this by yourself..i really wish that he would help me he just left he doesnt even care anymore.he gonna tell me after i get this abortion he don’t want nothing to do with me or my baby so im not getting it. i just wish that he can be a man and realize that we about to have a baby…
Can you send me some information about having a baby and doing it on your own?