Hey Becky it’s jalisa and i have a question my and my boyfriend Michael been seeing one another for 8 1/2 months….. we use to have fun… we had sex unprotected sex on his birthday but i was on birth control then we end up breaking up and then i found out that i was pregnant….
I never told no one but him and now he saying that it is his baby and now all of something he starts to care and he wants me to get an abortion…i mean i’m so confused because i really want to be with him i love him so much but i don’t know if you’ll feel the same way… should i get the abortion or not?
Jallisa
Dearest Jallisa – hi, my name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails.
Jallisa – trust me when I say that abortion is not the right answer to this. It’s not going to make everything go back the way it was before. You know? I can already tell that you have that motherly instinct alive inside of you … Yet you are trying to please everyone else by you.
You are a very important person in all of this … And so is your precious little baby. Your bf is asking you to do something that you will have to live with for the rest of your life. It really doesn’t
just ‘go away’. You know what I mean? The reason why I know this is .. Well … Is because I had an abortion and there is nothing worse than when you wake up the next morning and realize what has been done. That your baby is gone and there is nothing you can do to change it.Somehow it completely changes how your bf looks in your eyes too. Trust me when I tell you this. You can do this Jallisa. You can Stand Up Girl! I’ve seen so so many girls Stand Up and then …either days or a few weeks … Maybe even a couple of months later the bf realizes what is taking place. He’s a father and he Stands up too. There are, however, a few that may not Stand – BUT this is YOUR baby. This is your child inside of YOU. He has absolutely no right to claim the life of your baby and for his convenience tell you what he think or wants you to do.
Jallisa – You see, you and I are on a road called life. When we both came to a fork in the road, one road was called “Abortion” and the other “Life”. I chose the road of abortion and you still stand at that fork in the road. I am able to come back to you from that road and say “Please don’t take this road. Do you see that bend on the road ahead? There is nothing but sorrow, grief, pain, guilt and shame around that corner. There is a feeling of loss like no mothers heart can know and the reason that there is a bend in that road is because the ONLY way that you will ever understand it or know it is to walk it. Please … that road will be the very same for you, so please take that road of life. Tell me what it is like. I so wish I could go down that road instead. But I cannot. It’s too late for me and my babies. But it’s not for you and your’s.”
OK – now that that is said, let me go down the road of your life a little bit. Trust me when I say that the choice of abortion is truly a tragic choice. Especially as you learn about the development of babies in the womb. You will NOT be able to get out of your head “What did my baby go through? What did my baby look like? What stage was my baby at when I aborted him/her?”
There are so many times when I just wish that I could hold my little baby in my arms. Just at least once. I wish that I could feel his breath in my hair or even to change my babies diaper and see my baby giggle. To see that little gumless smile and to touch my babies face. I will never be able to do that. I will never hear “Mommy”, I will never get to wake up in the middle of the night and go to look in at my beautiful little baby in his or her crib sleeping like an angel. I will never get to feel the movement of my baby in my womb – and ohh how I long to experience that.
Please know that no baby that I could even have today would replace the 2 beautiful babies that I aborted.
All of this to say – please understand that you have that motherly instinct strong and alive in you right now. Do NOT allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you can just go on with your life as normal after abortion. The world of abortion is a world of shame and it is NOT talked about very openly. Ohhh everyone says it should be legal and it’s OK – but how many girls do you hear talking – in passing saying “Oh yea, I had an abortion a couple of days ago. It was a pretty simple procedure.” You might hear a girl talking about getting a piercing or a tattoo! But not an abortion. You know? Why? Because it is a painful, private and subject of shame. Especially those of us that have done it.
Please let me know what I can do. Here is a website to help you locate a nearby center that is completely free and confidential for you. They can help you too. Remember, I’m just a keystroke away.
OK?
|www.OptionLine.org
Please let me know how you are.
Luv Lisa
Lisa – thanks you made me realize that this is my baby and plus if i would got the abortion it only would of been because of him.. and i dont wanna have a life full of reget that not good at all…..this is really confused and hard to do this by yourself..i really wish that he would help me he just left he doesnt even care anymore.he gonna tell me after i get this abortion he don’t want nothing to do with me or my baby so im not getting it. i just wish that he can be a man and realize that we about to have a baby…
Can you send me some information about having a baby and doing it on your own?
Jallisa
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Jallisa i have just had an abortion due to family influences. the pain and regret is the worst thing in the world you actually feel ill inside of your own body. from your story of your bf – he shouldn't have the right to be a father if this is how he treats you. besides you took precautions did he??? if he is not ready to take responsibilities now for the baby, he will never be a man. you are strong enough and mature enough to deal with this situation, you have your family and friends that will give you more support. i wish i could do my own decision of my child but it didn't happen.
good luck girl
Nicky
Dearest Jallisa,
HI my name is Caroline I am a 34 yrs young single mom. I have a 2 year old and a 12 year old. I want you to know that having an abortion is just going to make it all the more worse. I have also had 2 abortions, one at 17 and one at 26. It most definitely wasn't the right answer. The concern with abortion is the after math of the emotional effects. I was “fine” for 8 years after my second abortion but couldn't figure out why my life was never going in the right places. I couldn't feel life I was always trying to look forward and never in the moment. Any through a bunch of events I ended up getting healed and now I am a post abortion counselor. So in that regard I hope you don't make that choice(I know its hard)
Being a single mom by yourself. Honestly it can work. There are a lot of government programs you can get on for aid. I run a child care in my home and all the moms get aid. If you can find a crisis pregnancy center near you they usually have a clothing closet that can help you and the baby with what ever you need and if you need housing they usually have local information. If you go to http://www.pregnancycenters.com I think they have information on pregnancy centers every where in U.S.A.
The idea behind a crisis pregnancy center is to give you all the options, they will talk to you about abortion if you ask but they will also give the other information about parenting and adoption. I wish you all the luck in the world you are making the right decision and I will be praying for you. If you have a bible look up Psalm 139 it says that the Lord has knitted your baby together in your womb. He knows your baby and you and loves you both.
No matter what Jallisa, don't get this done. I just got an abortion a week and a half ago and I never knew it was possible to regret something SO much and to hurt so bad. It was an extremely painful experience mentally and physically. It may be hard at first but this baby is looking for love and care from you and if you try you're hardest it will work and it will love you back. Never think you need a man to help you or to make you happy, it's not true. I don't know you, but I have faith you can do this and that you will find support where you least expect it. Just don't kill you're baby, you'll be so happy you didn't. Take the advice from a girl who listened to what people told her and got an abortion to make others happy. After it's over you're heart will be broken like mine. I wish you tons and tons of luck :-).
-Kara
I think you should not get an abortion an either listen to him….your decision will stick with you threw you your whole life an that not one to remember I'm 5 months pregnant also that pain an stress your going threw is not good for your kid what so ever…being the way you our right now is not helping you baby or yourself…also it's up to you an you can do it with or without him when that baby is out you would be praying to god that you kept it…
Trust me
hi becky, i am lisa from trinidad. i know how you feel. i have had a few abortions well from the age of 18. i am now 28. at 28 i am 4 months pregnant and happy. you see becky, even though i am not in a wholesome relationship, i am going to have this baby. abortion is no easy thing to go through. i always wonder what would my babies would have looked like. boy or girl. straight nose or flat. i always wonder. up to this day i still do. its scary raising a child on your own. but guess what, you'll get through. i have a son who just turn 9 and it was my parents who stepped in from since he was in me. they did everything for me, up to this day. at that time i was not working & young.i'm working now and somehow i am convinced that even if i wasn't i would have still go through with this pregnancy. i am scared just like you but do not go through with any abortion. DO YOU HEAR ME?? i am serious its not worth it. forget about that guy. raise your baby, lift your head up and strut your stuff girl (after this one be more, more careful)you will not regret it. children are beautiful. eventually you'll meet someone who will love you and your baby unconditionally. bring this child into the world. give him or her a chance. don't do like me. to be left wondering…… what if, i should have, or could have. give this life a chance. please. love always lisa. my prayers are with you.
i belivie that you should not get that if he loved you he would not ask you to kill yalls child
i think u should not get one if he really loves u he will be there for u nothing is like u first child at but if u dont want want the baby give the baby up and kill it thats not rite but thats just wat i think
heyy im sorryy to hear about this guy i have been through it too he told me to get one and i refused and he called me a liar saying i was making it up because i wanted him back i am called i didnt do it because that would have been giving in to him and i didnt want to do that but he still got what he wanted i ended up having a miscarriage they say it was from stress and i went back with they but a week after i got back with him i snapped out and i havent talked to him in 5 months so i am glad to see you didnt do it i hope you and your baby have a great life
my boyfriends name is michael to he tried to get me to have and abortion but i didnt do it. just think that baby is now a part of u and if u do let go of it u will always have a part of u missing. if that is how ur boyfriend wants to be then he doesnt need to be a father. my michael changed as soon as he seen our baby boy for the first time when we got our first ultrasound and he loves our baby to death u just need to give it time and dont give up the baby they are the best joy u could ever get in live they are a gift from god. god must have thought u would be a great mother and that u were ready to be one. just take it a day at a time thats what i do
Lisa… the one thing you need to know s that he doesnt actually care about your feelings towards this baby! He is trying to sweeten you up so you do what he want! I had an abortion in January 2008 because my boyfriend told me that it was the 'right' thing to do! Deep down I wanted the baby but he told me we were 'too young'! I thought I loved him and I went through with it! He came along with me to the clinic but he left me inside on my own so he could smoke some weed outside! I regret having the abortion, and if i could go back to that day i would have run as far away from him as possible and kept my child! You have to follow your heart… not your head… and believe me he doesnt love you and getting rid of your baby wont get him to do so! GOOD LUCK I WISH YOUALL THE BEST IN THE FUTURE!!! TAKE CARE X
I had an abortion. And I now have a 2year old beautiful baby girl and expecting. Abortion is not the way to turn. I till this day ask myself why was I that selfish to do that, I made a mistake and I WISH TO GOD that if I could turn the hands of time I would just to take that little boy back in my life.
Please dont, a baby is the best thing in life to ever have trust me.
And IF HE DID LOVE YOU he would NEVER ask you to get an abortion!!! Sweetie you'll make it alone, your a strong person at heart and you know that baby has a heart and is excited to soon she his/her mommy.
GOD bless you hunny!!!
And congrats if you do keep that baby. With love.
i was going to get an abortion but i chose not to and im actually so happy i didnt. i gave my baby up for adoption but the minute i held him in my arms it felt so good and i knew what love was. and even though hes not with me i love him more than life itself. its your choice but it will emotionally be very hard on you, im emotionally having enough problems from just giving my baby up and from just thinking about getting an abortion. but good luck and choose whatever you think is best for you dont let anyone influence you its your decision
Please keep your baby. It didn't choose to be here, but it does deserve a life. Just wait. Once you have that beautiful baby your going to love every minute. It will smile up at you every morning and love you and care. Your going to have a miravle in your arms.
Best Wishes
Rosie
hey this is yvette from austin texas
omg girl do not get an abortion if you do trust me you will regret it after werds….keep it and if you dont want it put it up for adoption so yeah..the baby doesnt have the problem, it is just innocent. so dont kill it, soon you will see that it is the best thing that has happened to you
hey darling,dont ever get an abortion dat is your gift from god,he has a plan and a purpose for live and everything thing happens for a reason..dont do it gal…
Hi my name is savannah im 14 and im due in 1week and 5 days the father of m child worked for my dad and hes 24 the sex was totaly consenseual it was just something to do to escape from our mesed up lives he wanted me to have an abortion me to have an abortion i diddent and he moved to ohio so he wouldenthave to meat his daughter i know he loves me and wants to be a part of her life but hes not ready to be a father.The disision is yours do what u want
ok. I was in your EXACT situation. We got married and and I had the baby, then he bailed. Now I am a single mother. I had to give up college to be with her. It was THE BEST decision of my life. I am so happy that I am single too. I can raise her the way that I want, I can play with her whenever I want, she is the best thing that ever happened to me. She will be 3 years old next week. I am planning her birthday party.
When my child laughs, it just makes my heart smile. When she wakes me up in the morning with her little sloppy kisses, I dont think, “Oh gee, I could have slept in if I had aborted her.” I never think like that.
I have never had an abortion, but from reading others posts, around the time of the childs supposed birthday is filled with tears, regrets, sorrow and pain. I just have fun planning the big day. I never wonder what it would have been like. I am living it!
it IS hard work being a mother. it takes everything you have and more. It makes you realise that you can go on very little sleep! Being a mother makes you strong. Being a mother will bring you to your knees. It is the most wonderful and exhausing job. No man can bring you the joy a baby brings when they laugh their first laugh. No baby will resent you, hold things against you. YOU are their hero, you are their MOMMY!
Dont let what should be his haven, your womb, be his death bed. his tomb. You are better than that. STAND UP GIRLIE!
if i were you jalisa don' follow what your boyfriend wants.. remember that abortion is a mortal sin… so love your baby… as you love your self and boyfriend.. dont be selfish…
That baby is in YOUR stomach. Dont let him tell you what to do. This is your descion. And either way, your gonna be the one to deal with it. Im 17. And I was planning to start college and get a car and I really wasnt planning to miss my period. lol. But Ive had a miscarriage before as a result of an abusive boyfriend… So, as much as an abortion wouldve been convient for me, I couldnt do it. you dont get put fully to sleep on most abortions because of the risk of choking on fluids… and my mother had one and she said shed never get over the vaccum sound. I would never tell you its unholy or try to scare you out of it. But for me personally, its felt like the same thing as punching myself in the stomach. I guess because of my miscarriage. As much as people down teen moms, its possible. You may have to put somethings off, but its worth it. Im 4 months and im so excited. For the good and the bad. I had to let go of a lot of fear and shame but you just have to be strong and know that u can do anything you set ur mind to.
If your mom has insurance you should go to the doctor and get a sonogram. If not, try to qualify for medicade. They pay for everything. And theres WIC and foodstamps for after the babies born. Do some research before you decide.
hi i had and abortion in 07' when i was 3.5 months pregnant because my ex convinced me we were too young since i was only 17. i regret it to this day i should've followed what my heart was saying to keep my baby. i wish i didnt get my baby would have been 1 year olds this month…just follow what ur heart says its ur choice and dont let no one change that
CONGRATULATIONS Jalissa! You are a mommy! The life of this baby is precious. “3For you formed my inmost being.
You knit me together in my mother’s womb. – (Psalms 139:13). Don't worry about your boyfriend, you don't need him. If you see what is really inside, hear his heartbeat, you will know that he is human and deserves to live. God doesn't give you the choice over the life of another person he has created. Remember God is his Father! God will protect your child and love him. The Bible says: “you [God] are the helper of the fatherless” (Psalms 10:14), “A father [God] of the fatherless” (Psalms 68:5), “he [God] relieves the fatherless and widow” (Psalms 146:9)! “But you brought me out of the womb.
You made me trust at my mother’s breasts.
 10I was thrown on you from my mother’s womb.
You are my God since my mother bore me.” (Psalms 22:9), “I have relied on you from the womb.
You are he who took me out of my mother’s womb.
I will always praise you.” (Psalms 71:6), “Behold, children are a heritage of Yahweh.
The fruit of the womb is his reward.” (Psalms 127:3), “5As you don’t know what is the way of the wind,
Nor how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child;
Even so you don’t know the work of God who does all.” (Ecclesiastes 11:5), “24Thus says Yahweh, your Redeemer, and he who formed you from the womb: I am Yahweh, who makes all things; who stretches forth the heavens alone; who spreads abroad the earth (who is with me?)” (Isaiah 44:24), “1Listen, isles, to me; and listen, you peoples, from far: Yahweh has called me from the womb; from the bowels of my mother has he made mention of my name” (Isaiah 49:1), “Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yes, these may forget, yet I will not forget you.” (Isaiah 49:15), “5Before I formed you in the belly I knew you, and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you” (Jeremiah 1:5). Do not let your womb be your babies grave! Bare forth the fruit of your body – you were made for this. Your womb is not meant to be the dieing place of your baby! Remember that your baby can't run away, he is trapped in your body and at your mercy. Don't be thoughtless, don't be selfish! Keep your little one, he is the most beautiful thing you'll ver see. Your boyfriend pales in comparison! you are the most luckiest girl because you're going hold the miracle of God in your arms! You will have litlle arms around your neck hugging you so tightly! You are going to hear little giggles! He will put his tiny little hands on your breasts as he suckles from them for life! I know, I'm 23 and I have a 6 month old baby! I'll give up everything I have for him, walk naked in the streets, be the dumbest most uneducated woman on earth, starve, have no man to love me, just to have my little baby boy in my life! You'll understand when you meet yours! Make a date with life and destiny, not with death and depression!
hey jalisa my name is lilly and im 16 i had my baby at 15 and i kno im young but being a mom is the best thing ever. i know you lovethe man but if i was yu i wouldnt listen to him that is a gift from god and an abortion is not the answer just follow ur heart..
I have been hitting myself in the stomach for the last four months of my pregnacy because i was mad art my boyfriend. Also i just found out that he has another girl pregnate to. I haven't had any prenateal care and i feel so bad. all i have been able to do is cry my eyes out and say sorry to my unborn child. There is no feeling worst then knowing that i have harmed my child. I pray that when i go to the doctor that my child is still alive.I haven't even had a abortion. Baby girl he is not worth it. you have to think about you and your child. He has no right to claim that child. It is growing in you and that pain will never go away. He can wake up the next day and won't feel the diffrence but you will. when i had my first pregnacy and had to go to the doctors because i was having a misscarage the doctor was looking for a heart beat at two months my child had a heart beat to look for.My parents tried to tell me that it was still just a sperm. when i looked at the ultra sound it had hands and feet. That baby is alrady there. Do your bests by it and take care of it. Because i regreat what i have done everyday please don't do the same.
i have been through way too many self- made disasters. i cant call them mistakes as i think i have dug my own grave and lay in it. im 19 years old. i have been pregnant 3 times. and i have no children. guesse that tells you what happened… i tried to find ways to tell my parents but what i learned during that time was that my step father would disown me if he found out im pregnant. my all those guys that i fell pregnant while i was preg. basically didnt give a tear. how amazing my life had changed. i wish you good luck my dear.
keep it together gal and always do what's best for you and your baby not him cause abortion won't fix your relationship it bring new problems and big ones. Think o you first and the rest of the world second. Knowing that will even make you a great mom.
I have been in your shoes and when i went for an abortion to please my boyfriend (ex boyfriend now) it only made things worse! We tried to patch things up after the abortion but we could not get over the fact that we murdered our baby and eventually we end up without each other. Believe things will come right and do what you think is best.
Believe me Jallisa…women are amazing at finding the strength, motivation, courage and resources when we need it the most. I'm a 34 yr old single mum of 5 children and when I got divorced 11 yrs ago I was so scared and thought ..how am I gonna do this…it felt like my world had been turned upside down and I was trying to catch all the pieces as they came crashing down around me…It took awhile but my natural instinct to provide, nurture and care for babies kicked back in…and we're all just fine today 🙂 You and your baby will be fine. You'll hold him/her in your arms for the first time and will think…”There's nothing more precious than you my baby…why was I so scared” and you'll just do whatever needs to be done. Just remember, your baby is innocent and the main thing that he/she will need from you is your unconditional love. He/she truly is a gift from your Heavenly Father…that is how much he loves and trusts you…He is sending you one of his children to love, raise and teach… You'll be ok 🙂
May God bless you and your baby
may God bless you and your baby richly
U should not have a one..
i cant have kids and if i could i would keep it of find someone that cant have kids like me…