It’s December 16th, just a week and a half before Christmas. This year will be my second Christmas with my daughter and my first as a married woman!
That’s right! I’m married! I met my husband on October 2nd, two years ago, and we became good friends, hanging out almost every day! On November 24th, he asked me out at 11:45 pm and I said yes! I couldn’t have been happier. On January 15th of this year, he moved into the basement room where my mom was, so that he could help out with my daughter without actually living with me. On March 9th, he stood beside me when my daughter’s father and I went to court for custody (which I got completely, thank God) and that really let me know he was there for me. On March 22nd, he proposed and I said yes! On June 23rd, – we married! He had just turned 21 and I was turning 21 on August 2nd. It was a great day, our wedding. My mom watched my daughter for the night and he and I went to the Comfort Inn in Brantford, ON for our Honeymoon. It was only one night, but it was worth it. It was also the first time we had sex. That’s right, he and I vowed to wait until our wedding day to engage in sex, and we did. I mean, of course, we did other things…You can only go so long without it…But for actual making love, we waited till our Honeymoon. I was extremely proud of myself.
During this entire time with my boyfriend/fiancé/husband, my daughter’s father was in and out. He was angry with my boyfriend at the time because my daughter woke up and called him “dada” instead of her father. And then he was angry because we got married and it was just on and off.
My daughter’s father has access through a supervised access center and he only sees her once a week for two hours. Since he’s been there, he has never changed our daughter’s diaper!
My Symptoms
First Noticeable Symptoms:
– Nausea
– Missed period
– Headaches
– Dizziness
– Vomiting
– Moody
– Fatigue
– Irritability
– Restlessness
Symptoms that occurred later on
– Food cravings
– Food aversions & Aversions to smells
– Constipation – Back pains
– Gall Bladder attack (rare – 16 weeks 3 days)
– Forgetfulness
– Heartburn
– Bleeding gums
– Nose bleeds
– Stuffy nose (prone to getting colds)
– Emotional (been there whole pregnancy, but got worse)
Dear Baby,
It was about 5 months ago when you came into my life. It was unexpected, but was the happiest moment of my life. I wondered what would come of it and how I would manage, but with your father by my side, I knew everything would be alright. Every day, I woke up and rubbed my belly and said “I love you”. I know you were not able to hear me physically or feel me touch you, but I feel deep down inside, that you knew I was saying it to you. It has been a long journey and a hard one, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. Having you with me every day reminds me that there is someone now to live for every day of my life. Someone I know on a more personal base.
As the days got colder and the nights got longer, changes started occurring inside of me. Flutters of joy I started to feel in my stomach. It was you! I could feel you. For the first time in my life, I felt a joy I had never felt before. So amazing, yet so surreal – even though I knew it was you. I have had my tough times with being sick and having weight loss, but I once again can say this to you honestly, I wouldn’t have it any other way. No matter what happens to me, you will always be my little one. You will always be my angel, my baby.
I think about you every day and who you will look like. Will you look like mommy, or will you look more like daddy? Or maybe you’ll look like one of your aunts! Who knows!?! All I know is that you’ll be you and that you’ll be mine. I may be young and I know that, but I promise this to you right now. I promise to take care of you, no matter how hard times get. No matter how scared I may end up feeling, you are my pride and joy and I will protect you in all ways that I can. I love you unconditionally and always will.
When you grow up and become a beautiful young lady, I hope you will come to me. When you get your heart broken, I want you to know that my shoulder is here for you to cry on and my heart and ears are here to listen. If you’re having trouble at school, please…Don’t hide from me. I want to help you get through it all. If you do something you aren’t proud of, I hope you can come to me and ask for help. That’s what I am here for. I am here for you.
Your father, well, he’s a funny one. He’s a good-hearted man and he loves you so much as well. He and I might argue at times, but we don’t mean to hurt you. I know that right now, you may not understand much, but one day you’ll know the tough, yet rewarding aspects of a relationship and how much love and joy can come of it. I promise you though, he and I are doing the best we can for you. Our love for each other is as strong as our love for you. And we wouldn’t have it any other way. The day we see your face here on earth will be the start of a brand new life for us all.
Do you want to know what I’m most excited for? I’m excited to bring you home and have you all to myself. To wake up with you when you’re crying and to enjoy your laughter as you enjoy mine. To watch you sleep in the comfort and safety of my arms. To look at you and know you are a gift from God. He gave you to me and your dad. If it wasn’t for Him, you wouldn’t exist. You wouldn’t be coming into our lives and enhancing our entire being if it weren’t for Him.
Another thing I have to tell you now, is that you have lots of friends and family already, who love you and can’t wait to meet you. They are just as excited as mommy and daddy are. When I hear them talk about you and hear them say how much they can’t wait to see you, it warms my heart and makes me want to cry, knowing I can’t see you yet. But don’t worry, they are not tears of sadness, but tears of joy, knowing that you are safely tucked inside me, waiting until your time is here.
I hope you like us. We are goofy, yet loving. We have good and bad days, but are always full of love and forgiveness. One day, you’ll understand what I’m saying. I’m sure there’ll be a day when you are embarrassed to walk around the mall with us, because of how weird we are. But we love you anyways!
I’m letting you know now , that in the future, you will make mistakes. And we will not be happy with them, but we will never stop loving you. We might discipline you, but we will never discipline out of anger. I hope you will see that later on in life. We care for you already and will care so much more when we are able to help you and protect you and keep you safe. To see you get ready for prom in your senior year and graduate from high school. I can’t wait for that day! I never got that experience, because of my own wrong decisions, but I hope that you are smarter then I was and can enjoy it! Of course, expect me to be in tears while taking hundreds of pictures of you before you leave!
When you’re scared to go off to college, if that be what you decide, always remember you have a home to come back to when you need it. Your father and I will not judge your decisions, but help you make smart ones. We also will make mistakes while you’re growing up and some may end up hurting you, so right now I am apologizing to you. We don’t mean to and I promise that we’ll try hard not to do it, but if it does…I am sorry. I hope you can forgive us. We love you.
There are still four months before I get to see you physically, but I have decided to write this for you now. I felt in my heart I had to, for some unknown reason. But this is for you. Every word is truthful and honest. And as I type this out for you, I can feel you move and it makes me smile. It keeps me wondering for sure, who you are and what you’ll be like. And I couldn’t be happier to have it kept a secret for 9 whole months. Gives me something spectacular to look forward to! Well, I’m not sure of what else I can say, other then your daddy and I love you unconditionally.
Can’t wait to meet you, Baby. You are the absolute best thing that has happened to your Father and I.
We love you darling .
Love Mommy <3
So, in the beginning, him and I were great.
We got along and we didn’t fight, often. It felt like a dream come true…But now…Everything seems to be coming down with a crash! I am 19 weeks pregnant tomorrow ( Saturday, January 1st ) and it’s supposed to be another happy day in my pregnancy, but how can I be happy? What with everything that is going wrong in my relationship? This baby was planned and I know it seems foolish to plan a child at 19 years old, but I feel it’s what I long for. And the baby is not what we fight about. Well, not the fact she’s on her way at least. We fight now, because well…He is 25 years old and still doesn’t have a job. He claims he’ll get one when he’s ready and feels comfortable, but … life doesn’t wait till you’re ready. This baby will be here May 28th and that’s not too far away. But it’s far enough away that he still has time to get a job and keep it.
I’m so worried right now that our baby will not live the life she deserves. My fiance has ADHD and minor Autism, but that does not stop me from loving him at all. He is on medication to help control his anger and to help him concentrate on things he needs to do. Yet, the one thing he seems to lack in concentration…is me. We wake up around 8:30 am and when he wakes up, he goes for his smoke; comes back upstairs to the living room, and goes on the computer allllll day long. I ask him to help me out because I’ve been sick and he will – making me food and stuff – but when I ask to spend time with him, he’ll brush it off and say he’s busy. So I’ve stopped asking, because clearly it’s doing nothing to help anything. I lay in bed all day – because I’ve been ordered to by my OBGYN – and when I fall asleep and am out for the night, he THEN comes to bed … and it repeats every day. There are times where he’ll rub my back with oil for me … but that is once every two weeks. We don’t have sex – not that I care about that and not that I want it – because honestly, I don’t want our time together to only consist of sex. You know? And even if we do have sex … he goes right back to the computer afterward – we don’t spend time together at all afterward. On Wednesday – the one that just passed – we went to get an ultrasound done and planned to spend the afternoon together, watching movies and just…being a couple who is supposed to be in love. But it never happened. It never happens. Then I get upset, because of the fact that I’m sitting here alone…unable to work…or do anything really…Unable to move around and clean up and stuff because it hurts, and he sits on his butt all day, sitting on the computer doing crap that isn’t as important as supporting his fiancé and future child. We are on ODSP and only make enough to pay the rent and the bills. Any kind of money that he makes, he spends on stuff we don’t need. I get upset…because when I was working, we were bringing in an extra $400 a month which honestly, went a LONG way. Now .. it’s his time. I worked for four months, sick and dealing with three hyper kids…and I would NEVER give that up. But because I had to, he now needs to step up and start working for me.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m depressed and don’t know how to get outta it. Any suggestions?
More to come…
Hi. Right now, I am 18 weeks 2 days pregnant with my third child. The only thing is, this is the first one that has survived this long.
When I was 16 years old, I got pregnant with my first boyfriend and at about 3 weeks gestation, miscarried. It wasn’t as painful, because I wasn’t too far along, but I was in pain. Then last year, I got pregnant with my ex on October 12th, and on the day of my 8th week, I miscarried. I was alone in the bathroom, bent over in pain. It was indescribable. I didn’t cry, not till after it happened. It was blood and pain and nothing else was really going through my mind. After I knew I had pushed the baby out…I finished up and got off the toilet. When I turned around and looked in to check out what had happened…There he/she was. My baby lay there in the fetal position…in the amniotic sac. A little white thing…lifeless. That was when I began to cry.
That was the night I was rushed by my friend to the hospital to get checked out. It was true that I had a miscarriage. Painful in more than just one way as well. So, being pregnant today makes me very happy! 🙂 When I was 16 weeks 4 days pregnant, I was up at 12 am throwing up. It got very painful to the point I could not talk or breathe properly. My fiancé called 911 and told them what was going on and the EMS came to our home and checked me out. They took me to the hospital and once test after test was done, they came to a conclusion. I had gall bladder sludge and a viral infection – both coincided with each other. I have now been sick for two weeks and recently got put on Diclection – one of the BEST things that a pregnant woman could ever take for nausea! I was worried about my baby’s heartbeat, but sure enough, everything was fine.
When I was in the hospital, I got an ultrasound done and the technician had asked if I wanted to know the gender of my baby and of course, I said yes! Now, before she started anything, she told me that she would only tell me if she was sure and to be honest, I was in doubt that she would find anything that early! So as the ultrasound continued, I fell asleep and at the end, she woke me up and told me the results. The baby’s heartbeat was still beating strong and everything was growing appropriately. Then at the end, she said, “Congratulations, you’re having a little girl!” Well, that made my whole day, despite the fact I was in the hospital for 13 hours previously!
I got discharged at 1 pm and waited till 3 pm for my mother to come pick me up, as she and my father live more than an hour away from me now. I showed her the picture that the technician had given me and my mom started to cry. She is happy that everything is going well for us – minus the sickness part. It’s hard having this pregnancy practically in bed every day and up every night. I have to be very careful what I eat and I cannot eat after 4 pm. Throughout this pregnancy, I have lost 11lbs from being sick and probably more since then. But it’s not hurting my baby, which is good. She apparently is taking in all the fat that I’ve lost…which I’m glad about! I hope she’s a good size – 5-7lbs!
May 28th is the due date of this beautiful little girl! We have decided to name her Jordyn May – Louise. Jordyn is a name we both liked, May is my grandmothers middle name and Louise is my middle name, along with my mother’s and one of my great grandmother’s first name is Louise! So we put all of them together to make up something we loved! The greatest thing I’ve gone through with this pregnancy is feeling my baby girl kick! It feels amazing, yet weird at the same time. I don’t know, it’s just amazing!! 😀
I just thought that I’d put this Blog up to keep myself busy while I watch my movie. It’s something I have to do, or I’m going to go insane! 🙂
Well, I’ll keep everyone updated with this pregnancy!
