Well, things in life seem to be good one minute then downhill the next.
The FOB (Father of the Baby) and I started talking and things started to work out. But then, all of a sudden, it went bad. He says that he only wants to be there for the baby and only wants to hear about the baby. If it has to do with me, he doesn’t want to hear about it. Truthfully, it makes me sad because I’m CARRYING HIS BABY and HE IS BEING A COMPLETE JERK TO ME. I know my emotions might have caused problems between him and me. But I can’t control them sometimes. I guess I’m taking it hard because being PREGNANT IS HARD. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.
I’M TRYING TO STAY STRONG BUT IT’S EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
So everything was going good, finally accepted and gained the courage to do this whole single-parent thing.
A couple of days ago, the FOB called me to see how I was doing. I was kind of relieved he called, thinking we could be civil toward one another. I was TOTALLY WRONG. So he tells me he let HIS OTHER BABY’S MAMMA KNOW I WAS EXPECTING. I was MAD because he TOLD her because I feel IT IS NONE OF HER BUSINESS and also, HE SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO ME FIRST. He said she had a right to know regardless if him and I talked about it first.
AM I WRONG FOR BEING COMPLETELY PISSED OFF? FIRST OFF, HE SHOULD HAVE TALKED TO ME FIRST. SECOND, WHY IS HE TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT ME BEING PREGNANT WHEN HE STATED HIMSELF HE DIDN’T WANT ANOTHER BABY AND BASICALLY DOESN’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT? THEN HE TELLS ME THAT HE’LL LET ME KNOW IN THE FUTURE IF HE’S GOING TO BE THERE FOR THE BABY. HE IS CONFUSING ME BECAUSE ONE MINUTE, HE IS FREAKING OUT, ASKING ME TO GET AN ABORTION. THEN THE NEXT, HE’S GOING TO LET ME KNOW IF HE’S GOING TO BE THERE FOR MY BABY. THEN HE DECIDES TO TELL ME THAT HIM AND HIS BABY MOMMA ARE TALKING AND TRYING TO WORK THINGS OUT. I’VE COME TO TERMS THAT HIM AND I WERE ONCE GOOD FRIENDS, NEVER TOGETHER AND I DON’T THINK WILL EVER BE. BUT WHY IS IT MY BUSINESS WHO HE’S WITH OR TALKING TO WHEN I COULD CARELESS. I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO MAKE OF THE SITUATION. LIKE WHY CAN’T HE JUST GROW UP AND UNDERSTAND I DON’T WANT TO BE WITH HIM?
BUT AS FOR NOW, I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO DO. JUST TALKING TO HIM STRESSES ME OUT. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
SO TODAY IS REALLY NOT A GOOD DAY.
LATELY, I’VE BEEN FEELING SO SCARED AND CONFUSED. I’M SCARED BECAUSE I’M DOING THIS WHOLE PREGNANCY WITHOUT THE HELP OF THE FATHER. I’M CONFUSED BECAUSE I THOUGHT HE WAS BETTER THAN THIS. THEN TO LEAVE ME ALONE TO DO THIS ALONE. I’M NOT ASKING FOR HIM TO BE WITH ME, BUT JUST TO BE HERE TO SUPPORT ME. I’M MORE SAD AT THE FACT THAT I COULDN’T TELL FAKE FROM REAL. I JUST CAN’T BELIEVE HE STATED HE COULDN’T DO THIS, THAT HE’S NOT READY FOR ANOTHER BABY. BUT I’M MORE SAD FOR MY BABY BECAUSE HE’S MADE IT CLEAR HE ONLY WANTS HIS 2-YEAR-OLD. BUT I’M THANKFUL TO HAVE MY FAMILY.
AM I WRONG FOR FEELING LIKE THIS?
So I recently found out I am pregnant, 9 weeks to be exact.
It’s kind of crazy that me getting into an accident is how I would find out I am pregnant. When I was told by one of the ER nurses, I wasn’t shocked because it didn’t hit me at the time. I told the guy that same night. I was hoping he would’ve been supportive, but he freaked. He wants me to get an abortion because he’s not ready to be a dad again. Him and I were never really together, just two good friends who enjoyed each other’s company, I guess you could say. I can honestly say we are no longer good friends or friends at all. I was for an abortion mainly because kids terrify me, but once I saw my baby during an ultrasound, everything changed.
Personally, I believe the father of my baby hates me because I wouldn’t get an abortion. We no longer talk, mainly because I thought he was my friend, but some of the stuff he’s said have been so hurtful that I don’t want my baby around that. Who knows, he could have said hurtful things because he’s scared and in shock. But it’s not fair if he’s scared or whatever because I’m the one carrying the baby and never made any harsh statements to him about this whole situation. I’m scared because I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m going to be raising this child as a single parent. He says he doesn’t want another baby so I basically made the choice and told him that I don’t expect anything from him. I’m just thankful that I have my family by my side and that’s all that matters. Lately though, I been sad thinking how someone who once said they cared and would always be there can just turn their back on something they help made. Somedays, I cry all day because I’m hurt at the reality of how fake people could be.
I’m just confused and sad about my situation, but I want to be happy…
