Kaya Jones, a former singer for The Pussycat Dolls, said the abortions she had when she was younger still haunt her to this day. Pussycat Dolls singer shares abortion experiences, warns, ‘You will regret it your whole life’
‘I was completely enchained and bonded to the devil,’ the singer said
Jones told Christine Yeargin, host of Students for Life’s “Speak Out” podcast, that she’d had three abortions before she turned her life around and started following Jesus Christ.
She explained how she had her first abortion as a teenager when her birth control medication failed. She recalled how she became pregnant again while in the Pussycat Dolls and was told to “get rid of it.”
Jones described growing up in an “abusive” music industry that left her with little self-esteem and led her to make “poor choices.” She said her third abortion happened after she was raped by an old boyfriend. Even though she wanted to keep the baby, she said she decided to terminate again due to stress and complications.
“After the first one, you don’t think you’ve done anything wrong. It’s been normalized and what is a line until you’ve crossed it. You don’t know what a line is. Once you cross that line, it’s a very slippery slope to continue to cross those lines,” she recalled.
But she said her conscience was triggered when she saw two little girls looking up at her during a concert after she had an abortion.
“Nothing on me in that moment said, ‘Caution, this is a lie,'” she recalled. “There was nothing beautiful about me. I was tainted. I was destructive. I was destroyed. I was completely enchained and bonded to the devil, or the enemy, or the realm of death if you will, where I was living in my worst self.”
Jones said she understands the pain and anger some women go through but warned them not to make the same choices she did.
“I’ve gone through it all. I will assure you, you will regret it your whole life. Nothing – even if I become a mother tomorrow and happily married and all is well, I’m still going to regret the three children I did not have,” she said.
Jones said she was compelled by “the Holy Spirit” to share her story about abortion regret.
“It is very painful. There is a lot of anger. There’s a lot of frustration. There’s a lot of lack of knowledge. There’s a lot of regret. And nothing can make that go away but God himself when you lay it at his feet and ask for salvation,” she said.
“What you’re showing men is that you don’t value yourself or your seed or their seed and in return they don’t value us as women because we’re willing to do these things to ourselves and to our children,” she argued.
Jones said she wasn’t trying to take anyone’s rights away, but she wanted to show other women who’ve had abortions that there is healing and forgiveness.
“You can still be a mom, you can still fall in love, you can still be valued. You can leave that at the foot of God,” she said.
“When I was 16, a boy in high school evinced interest in me, so I had sex with him — just once. And after I came out of that room, I thought, Is that all there is to it? My goodness, I’ll never do that again! Then, when I found out I was pregnant, I went to the boy and asked him for help, but he said it wasn’t his baby and he didn’t want any part of it.
I was scared to pieces. Back then, if you had money, there were some girls who got abortions, but I couldn’t deal with that idea. Oh, no. No. I knew there was somebody inside me. So I decided to keep the baby.
My older brother, Bailey, my confidant, told me not to tell my mother or she’d take me out of school. So I hid it the whole time with big blouses! Finally, three weeks before I was due, I left a note on my stepfather’s pillow telling him I was pregnant. He told my mother, and when she came home, she calmly asked me to run her bath.
I’ll never forget what she said: “Now tell me this — do you love the boy?” I said no. “Does he love you?” I said no. “Then there’s no point in ruining three lives. We are going to have our baby!”
What a knockout she was as a mother of teens. Very loving. Very accepting. Not one minute of recrimination. And I never felt any shame.
I’m telling you that the best decision I ever made was keeping that baby! Yes, absolutely. Guy was a delight from the start — so good, so bright, and I can’t imagine my life without him.
At 17 I got a job as a cook and later as a nightclub waitress. I found a room with cooking privileges, because I was a woman with a baby and needed my own place. My mother, who had a 14-room house, looked at me as if I was crazy! She said, “Remember this: You can always come home.” She kept that door open. And every time life kicked me in the belly, I would go home for a few weeks.
I struggled, sure. We lived hand-to-mouth, but it was really heart-to-hand. Guy had love and laughter and a lot of good reading and poetry as a child. Having my son brought out the best in me and enlarged my life. Whatever he missed, he himself is a great father today. He was once asked what it was like growing up in Maya Angelou’s shadow, and he said, “I always thought I was in her light.”
Years later, when I was married, I wanted to have more children, but I couldn’t conceive. Isn’t it wonderful that I had a child at 16? Praise God!”
I never thought I would be able to compete in sports after finding out I was pregnant in high school. And now, I am a state champion in 3 events. I am so thankful for my supportive family, friends, and coaches. I wouldn’t be able to do this alone. I thank God every day for my wonderful son. He motivates me to be a better person and keep working hard towards my goals… “‘ For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ Jeremiah 29:11′
Get to know Kathy Barnette
My life’s journey represents all that is good about this country. I grew up on a pig farm in southern Alabama in a one stop-sign town in a restful and rustic corner of the world. I never knew just how impoverished we were until I grew up. When my grandmother would ask me to help her in the garden, I thought she just wanted to spend quality time with me. I never knew it was for our survival. If we ever wanted greens or beans on our plate, it had to come from the effort of our own two hands.
In addition to being raised as what many would consider “disadvantaged,” I’ll add one more stumbling block to success: I’m the by-product of a rape.
Yet despite my beginnings, I was the first in my family to complete college. I spent ten years in the Armed Forces Reserves, where I was accepted into Officer Candidate School. I’ve worked in the financial industry, corporate America, and as an adjunct professor of Corporate Finance. For over four years, I have been a regular featured guest on Fox News. I am the recent author of the book Nothing to Lose, Everything to Gain: Being Black and Conservative in America. And now, I am running for US Senate.
My story only takes place in America. I am not standing outside waiting for someone to admit me into the American Dream. I AM THE AMERICAN DREAM.
Though the details of my life’s story may vary somewhat from your story, my challenges closely resemble many who live in Pennsylvania. We have faced formidable odds and we have challenges yet to overcome, but with determination and a clear focus, we have opportunities to overcome them.
Kathy Barnette Candidate for U.S. Senate for the Great State of Pennsylvania
I thank God for your ministry on the web!!! This web site offers such an abundance of truth for a young man or woman who wants to know the truth about the horror of abortion and the freedom in making the right choice to choose life. I feel such a tremendous burden to share with all women (if it were possible) how wonderful bringing life into the world is and how devastatingly painful abortion is. I was 15 years old when I found out that I was pregnant. I cried and cried in the doctor’s office because it was such a shock and I was so very frightened. The doctor told me that if I decided to have this baby that it would be the biggest mistake of my life and that I would be ruining my life. I was far too young so he would arrange an abortion behind my parents back and since I lived in Canada it would be covered by medical entirely. My close friends had gone through abortions and pressured me to do the same and told me that same thing the doctor had, “you will ruin your life!”, but I wasn’t so sure they were right. Yet, it seemed the only reasonable option for a young girl in the 10th grade. I tried to convince myself that I could have the abortion and no one would ever know and I could go on with my life as I had been doing
I had seen the video called “The Silent Scream” some months before and I couldn’t forget the horrifying images of this little baby desperately trying to get away from the abortion instruments. I was in shock as I saw its little face screaming and then was gone. I knew what an abortion was all about which made it even more difficult to do. The more I pondered having the abortion the more I realized that I just couldn’t go through with the same procedure I had seen only months earlier on the video screen.
I was afraid to tell my parents because of all the shame involved especially with being brought up in a Christian family but, eventually I did and while they were disappointed there was nothing they could do to change the situation. Thankfully, abortion was not an option for them to consider. Instead they pushed for adoption but I wasn’t ready to give up my baby either so, I made the choice to have my baby and raise him on my own. It is a decision I will never regret.
It would be wonderful to admit that from then on life was a bed of roses and that I never had any struggles. Unfortunately people judge and life circumstances can be difficult. My extended family, all of whom were Christian, judged me and looked at me like I was the evil black sheep. I was the youngest mother to drop off my son to school and to church Sunday school and I received more than a few raised eyebrows. I overheard conversations by other “older” mothers that I couldn’t possibly raise a child decently because I looked so young. I have heard it all. My own siblings discussed how my parenting skills lacked and I was often made to feel guilty and ashamed of my failures but one thing remains true. I CHOSE LIFE and my son is alive because I was willing to make a sacrifice. I can always, no matter what anyone says, be proud of my decision to bring his little life into this world. I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter what anyone says. I can stand tall and know that I will one day stand before God and hear the words “Well done my good and faithful servant!” I can live with myself and sleep in peace knowing that just down the hall my 15 years old son sleeps soundly, never knowing how close he came to death by a selfish doctor who couldn’t see the value of life. He has grown to be a wonderful young man. He has the most wonderful sense of humor and he is very kind-hearted and generous. In all the criticism I received I must have done something right because he is very respectful and not rebellious (Thank God!!).
I wasn’t able to graduate when I had my baby so I decided to go back to night school and receive my Grade 12 graduation diploma over the course of three years and eventually when my son was in school fulltime, I completed my first year of university then went on to become a Registered Nurse. I met my husband over three years ago and we now have another 20 month old son and we may be expecting another baby, I find out today if I am pregnant!
My husband is so proud of me for making the tough decision to become a teenage mother. It is the most wonderful feeling watching my older son play games with my little one and seeing them both laughing together. I do not have an empty hole in my soul longing for the baby I never gave life to. I feel complete, I feel whole!
I wish I could say the same for my closest friends. They were pushed by parents, boyfriends, doctors, and fear into having abortions. It has been over twenty years for some of them and the pain still haunts them like a nightmare. One of my dearest friends told me she thinks about the baby she chose not to have, every single day and it has been over 15 years now. She constantly wonders what he would have looked like and what he would have been like today. Another friend told me that while she felt empty and ashamed of her decision to have an abortion she pushed the reality of what she had done and the pain away for years. She was pregnant later in life and was monitoring her baby’s development in the womb when she came across a picture of how her baby would have looked at the age she had the abortion and the reality of what she had done hit he so hard that she sobbed hysterically for 3 days in her bedroom. She wrestled with wondering if God could ever forgive her for what she had done. Another friend became entangled with drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and she is still an addict to this day and sadly she has never really dealt with the pain of having an abortion. I wish I could have helped them to make the choice to have their babies. My heart hurts for them and I pray that they will continue to know God’s amazing grace, healing, and peace of mind.
My prayer is that someone will find my story encouraging and know that while making the choice to become an unwed mother is difficult and challenging it is undoubtedly rewarding!! Trust me, days, months and years from now it will not matter what people think of you. What will matter is the little person you decided to let live. You will be able to live with yourself and be proud of what you accomplished. You will be able to sleep and wake each day with a clean conscious knowing that you have done the honorable thing.
Blessings to you Becky! May God continue to use you to reach out with love and truth to women who are hurting and scared.
Cynthia 🙂
Cynthia – thank you so very much for your wonderful encouraging and enlightening e-mail. I love to hear stories like yours because we are then able to see … even years later … that the choice of LIFE is the right choice.
I bet your son is one wonderful young man. I know your story will touch the hearts of many frightened girls out there. Maybe your story will give them that extra bit of courage … and something that they can look forward to. Spending the rest of their lives living out “The Right Choice”!
