I thank God for your ministry on the web!!! This web site offers such an abundance of truth for a young man or woman who wants to know the truth about the horror of abortion and the freedom in making the right choice to choose life. I feel such a tremendous burden to share with all women (if it were possible) how wonderful bringing life into the world is and how devastatingly painful abortion is. I was 15 years old when I found out that I was pregnant. I cried and cried in the doctor’s office because it was such a shock and I was so very frightened. The doctor told me that if I decided to have this baby that it would be the biggest mistake of my life and that I would be ruining my life. I was far too young so he would arrange an abortion behind my parents back and since I lived in Canada it would be covered by medical entirely. My close friends had gone through abortions and pressured me to do the same and told me that same thing the doctor had, “you will ruin your life!”, but I wasn’t so sure they were right. Yet, it seemed the only reasonable option for a young girl in the 10th grade. I tried to convince myself that I could have the abortion and no one would ever know and I could go on with my life as I had been doing
I had seen the video called “The Silent Scream” some months before and I couldn’t forget the horrifying images of this little baby desperately trying to get away from the abortion instruments. I was in shock as I saw its little face screaming and then was gone. I knew what an abortion was all about which made it even more difficult to do. The more I pondered having the abortion the more I realized that I just couldn’t go through with the same procedure I had seen only months earlier on the video screen.
I was afraid to tell my parents because of all the shame involved especially with being brought up in a Christian family but, eventually I did and while they were disappointed there was nothing they could do to change the situation. Thankfully, abortion was not an option for them to consider. Instead they pushed for adoption but I wasn’t ready to give up my baby either so, I made the choice to have my baby and raise him on my own. It is a decision I will never regret.
It would be wonderful to admit that from then on life was a bed of roses and that I never had any struggles. Unfortunately people judge and life circumstances can be difficult. My extended family, all of whom were Christian, judged me and looked at me like I was the evil black sheep. I was the youngest mother to drop off my son to school and to church Sunday school and I received more than a few raised eyebrows. I overheard conversations by other “older” mothers that I couldn’t possibly raise a child decently because I looked so young. I have heard it all. My own siblings discussed how my parenting skills lacked and I was often made to feel guilty and ashamed of my failures but one thing remains true.I CHOSE LIFE and my son is alive because I was willing to make a sacrifice. I can always, no matter what anyone says, be proud of my decision to bring his little life into this world. I have come to realize that it doesn’t matter what anyone says. I can stand tall and know that I will one day stand before God and hear the words “Well done my good and faithful servant!” I can live with myself and sleep in peace knowing that just down the hall my 15 years old son sleeps soundly, never knowing how close he came to death by a selfish doctor who couldn’t see the value of life. He has grown to be a wonderful young man. He has the most wonderful sense of humor and he is very kind-hearted and generous. In all the criticism I received I must have done something right because he is very respectful and not rebellious (Thank God!!).
I wasn’t able to graduate when I had my baby so I decided to go back to night school and receive my Grade 12 graduation diploma over the course of three years and eventually when my son was in school fulltime, I completed my first year of university then went on to become a Registered Nurse. I met my husband over three years ago and we now have another 20 month old son and we may be expecting another baby, I find out today if I am pregnant!
My husband is so proud of me for making the tough decision to become a teenage mother. It is the most wonderful feeling watching my older son play games with my little one and seeing them both laughing together. I do not have an empty hole in my soul longing for the baby I never gave life to. I feel complete, I feel whole!
I wish I could say the same for my closest friends. They were pushed by parents, boyfriends, doctors, and fear into having abortions. It has been over twenty years for some of them and the pain still haunts them like a nightmare. One of my dearest friends told me she thinks about the baby she chose not to have, every single day and it has been over 15 years now. She constantly wonders what he would have looked like and what he would have been like today. Another friend told me that while she felt empty and ashamed of her decision to have an abortion she pushed the reality of what she had done and the pain away for years. She was pregnant later in life and was monitoring her baby’s development in the womb when she came across a picture of how her baby would have looked at the age she had the abortion and the reality of what she had done hit he so hard that she sobbed hysterically for 3 days in her bedroom. She wrestled with wondering if God could ever forgive her for what she had done. Another friend became entangled with drugs and alcohol to numb the pain and she is still an addict to this day and sadly she has never really dealt with the pain of having an abortion. I wish I could have helped them to make the choice to have their babies. My heart hurts for them and I pray that they will continue to know God’s amazing grace, healing, and peace of mind.
My prayer is that someone will find my story encouraging and know that while making the choice to become an unwed mother is difficult and challenging it is undoubtedly rewarding!! Trust me.days, months and years from now it will not matter what people think of you. What will matter is the little person you decided to let live. You will be able to live with yourself and be proud of what you accomplished. You will be able to sleep and wake each day with a clean conscious knowing that you have done the honorable thing.
Blessings to you Becky! May God continue to use you to reach out with love and truth to women who are hurting and scared.
Cynthia – thank you so very much for your wonderful encouraging and enlightening e-mail. I love to hear stories like yours because we are then able to see … even years later … that the choice of LIFE is the right choice.
I bet your son is one wonderful young man. I know your story will touch the hearts of many frightened girls out there. Maybe your story will give them that extra bit of courage … and something that they can look forward to. Spending the rest of their lives living out “The Right Choice”!
God bless you Cynthia. Thank you again.
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