This morning, I crawled into my son’s bed, I had just gotten home from dropping my daughter off at school and had a few minutes to snuggle before I had to get him up and ready for his school day.

I could tell he was awake, but he pretended to still be asleep just to take advantage of the snuggle time… When I snuggled up to him, he turned to the side to where I was spooning him…LOL… I reached my arm up and wrapped around him to where my right hand rested on his heart. As I lay there, I could feel his little heart pound away and I got to thinking. That the heart that I was feeling so powerful against my hand, the heart that was pounding so strong that I could hear it with my head laying on the pillow next to him, that same heart used to be so tiny and at one point couldn’t be heard even with medical equipment.

Yet, it was there beating and pounding away, even before his lungs were formed, before he had fingers, a nose, his beautiful long eyelashes… His heart was there thumping away… Nothing changed once he came out, his heart kept thumping. It has obviously never stopped from the moment it started. It has grown to circulate more blood through his now 5 year old body but other than that, nothing has changed… It just struck me that he really is that same little tiny being that took up space in my tummy and that scared me so badly when I saw the plus sign… It is him, he is here, and has been for 5 years now, but the magnitude of that has still not completely sank in… He was not planned and I was so not ready to be a single mom to yet another child. He already had an older sister. I was scared, poor, and already struggling, yet when I saw that test turn positive, I saw this green eyed little boy in my mind. He came out just as I saw him…that little heart still beating. At a point in my womb when he looked anything but like a baby, his heart was visible, like a little flicker going from black to white on the screen. Even though he looked like a little amoeba, his heart was noticeably a heart even though nothing else was an obvious part and that same little tiny heart still beats in him and it just makes me stop in awe and wonder and think about how amazing that really is…