So yesterday, my mum went & got me heaps of booklets on what to eat to promote a healthy pregnancy & I have to say I died a little inside. All these food products I know & love & treasure as dearly as my family & I’m forbidden from eating them. I am addicted to food. I love it. I eat when I’m hungry. I eat when I’m bored. I eat when I’m full. I eat when I’m watching TV, when I’m in class, on the school bus home, any place where you have the ability of both hands or a sitting position is when I’m eating. And the stupid list says I can’t eat anything with raw egg in it. Which is understandable, since raw eggs can carry salmonella, but if only it wasn’t in some of my favorite foods. Chocolate Mousse, or any mousse. Mayonnaise. Mayonnaise is one of my condiments. It goes on everything. & my favorite breakfast of all time is Eggs Benedict because there is raw egg in Hollandaise sauce.
Now normally, I would say “screw it, I’m gonna eat what I want.” But I can’t if I want to protect my baby, & isn’t that what every mother wants to do? So I have to buck it up & eat really good food for my baby. Today, I managed breakfast, which was a little short of a blooming miracle. I have lots of wholegrain sandwiches & fruits for my lunch today. As much as I enjoy every type of food, I’m not afraid to give the health buzz a try. Maybe it will improve my skin & hair & nails. Who knows. But it’s for my baby & that’s what matters. My sister, who has a 6-month-old little boy, has completely & utterly black-sheeped me for keeping the baby. I heard my mum & her on the phone last night. It’s kind of upsetting to know that my sister isn’t happy for me, but I know that she has every right not to be very happy. She knows what raising a baby is like, even though he is a very tough, moody little boy. But I can’t help but feel like dark clouds are closing in on me as it feels like my partner & I are the only ones over the moon that we created a beautiful little person through the true love we share. My partner- his mother is not ecstatic either. He told her we were keeping it last night & she said “I knew you wouldn’t go through with it. I knew you wouldn’t have the abortion” which really upsets me. If it’s a girl, she will be going crazy because she already has four boys. It feels so so so much better to be able to write this down & get it all out of my head. The only real obstacle I have is telling my real father. We have a great relationship. He didn’t walk out or anything. My parents got divorced when I was six, but he’s always been in our lives & been a great dad. He lives about two hours away so I see him often. He is the person I am afraid to tell. He has a violent past & I can’t help, but be extremely frightened of him. Then there’s his stupid new wife who is just the ultimate precious snob. I used to have great respect for her until she called me a whore because I was sexually active, even when I was the legal age limit of 16 & had been with the guy for quite a while. I don’t want her putting her 2 cents in, but I know she will & she will wind up my dad & all hell will break loose!
What should I do? Advice would be greatly appreciated!!!!
Lots of love
