I don’t really know how these blog things work, and I don’t think I have many friends on here yet to read this, but it’s here for when people feel like reading it 🙂
I’m almost 20 weeks pregnant with my first baby. I find out the sex tomorrow. When I found out, I was in the bath. Me and my fiancé were always safe, and it was just something that happened. Immediately, there was no way we were going to consider abortion or adoption. We wanted our baby. So here I am today, very much looking forward to meeting my beautiful little baby, in a very stable relationship, with good finances, and a very supportive family behind me. My fiancé’s family isn’t so supportive at times, but heck. Everyone has little problems. But right now I’d say my life is pretty good right now.
We’re looking to move house pretty soon, so we can start on the nursery, and start our lives. 🙂
….if I should give birth, will I still look presentable afterward?
I dreamed of becoming a model someday and designing my own clothes to dress great and walk into a runway show…
But suddenly, I woke up from that dream. What I dreamed just vanished. For just a simple curiousness led me to a destroyed road of success… I thought I was so close enough to what I dreamed… Because they said that I got the looks, the body, and the brain. But all of a sudden, my affection burst. I was blinded by my ego and hatred. I destroyed my own dream….. The dream that I have planned…
And now, should I blame myself?
Here, seldom do young ladies get pregnant. Cause all that is first in their minds is to study for a better future. I, the granddaughter of a retired, well-known math teacher, have the opposite forte in the field of academics… In short, I hate math!.. Cause I was intended for the arts… Well, it doesn’t matter anyway… Perhaps God gave me this talent to show the other skills of our family… But I didn’t use it to protect me… I let myself be deceived by evil… I was weak… I even failed God… And now I’m asking myself … “Why did it happen like this?”
But I still consider myself lucky to be dropped in this position where I am now… Why? Cause now, I know the dirt of my parents…their bad sides… I secretly revealed it…
Well, I started to like babies when a close aunt/friend of mine gave birth to her first baby girl, who was also my goddaughter. Having a goddaughter means a lot to me… I love her like my own child… And also an aunt of mine gave birth to a baby boy. Our house was not too far from them so I got a chance to play with him and look after him also, which made me more interested… But it never came into my mind to have mine also… lol Perhaps it was the reason why I let myself be pregnant even if I knew I hadn’t taken pills after making love with my boyfriend… I think it’s my time to have my own…hehe… At first, it took many days for me to accept that I’m pregnant… I just can’t believe that I’m carrying my own baby now… That whatever I eat, he/she also eats it… That’s why right now, I am conscious of whatever I take… I’m focused on my baby’s coming… And perhaps after giving birth, everything will turn into something more interesting…
I am just so excited to carry my own look-alike..:)
Well, everyone makes mistakes, right?
I was dating a pastor’s son … And he broke up with me because he said he lost love for me. He ended up dating another girl which turned out to soon be over. He told me that he couldn’t forget me because I was his first love. We are getting baptized soon, which means forgiveness of all our sins and starting fresh. Well on Tuesday, we had an interview at work for new improvements and so on. After the meeting, we decided to hang out. At his old elementary school. We ended up having unprotected sex. :'(
Today I’m supposed to go to the CLSC with my mother. Yes, I told my mom. She is my best friend. She wasn’t mad, but just surprised. I’m wondering, if I am pregnant, what should I do? I can’t keep it because I live with my aunt, and because he is a pastor’s son. He’s not even allowed to be doing this kind of stuff…I’m so confused ….. I want to keep it, but I’m so troubled. I… don’t know. I don’t want an abortion if it takes too long for me to decide anything. But I don’t want to make a mistake.
Please can someone help me?
I thought I was pregnant… Turns out I’m not…I’m not sure how I should feel.
I feel relieved but disappointed. I think I wanted this pregnancy more than I let myself believe… I’m a little crushed.
Is it normal to feel this way?
It’s about midnight now… I can’t sleep. I’ve had trouble sleeping since my abortion.
I was only sixteen at the time… and the dad was a total jerk… I feel completely alone. None of my friends are talking to me right now and neither is the person who promised to take care of me… This is so hard… All the time, I think about the clinic and the place I was… and the feel of my baby boy and how I couldn’t keep him. And that my other friend is so happy with their baby girl… and no one cares. I feel completely and utterly alone… and I hate this feeling. I’ve been getting ignored for two days now. I don’t understand what I did to deserve anything like this, I didn’t do anything this horrible… I miss my baby. I was seventeen weeks… and I only wanted to protect him… but maybe he’s watching me, angered by what I did… Maybe he hates me… Those are the only things I can ever think about… He seems to watch over his dad just fine… but lets me suffer constantly… I don’t want my baby to hate me for trying to protect him… Protect him from the irresponsible dad he could’ve had… Or the separation from me that he would have suffered… It’s not fair… My boyfriend didn’t want to protect him and he’s completely fine, and I did…
And now I’m upset all night and I can’t sleep…
