Dedicated to Sophia Avianna Mona, my baby.
When I knew I had you
It was hard for me to accept the truth
The truth that I’m having an angel soon
And the decision I made in order for you to bloom
I’m scared to be alone in giving you life
But I chose this just to make you mine
My heart sings of joy every time
Cause you know, you’re always on my mind
I never dreamed of having you,
though I dream of you, gorgeous baby, and it feels so true
You might come for an instant
No wonder why others wanted to separate us
But I refused to cause you’re important
Others may think its a mistake
Don’t mind them cause you’re mine and it can never be break
I love you, you know how much cause its too much
Both of us were excited to see you
To touch you and to live with you…
That’s how much we expect you to come out in this world
To see such a gorgeous baby that would be mine for the rest of my life
Hoping of you to have
There, it was a pain, I a rush
Thought it was not serious
Lately, I began to feel nervous
I cried when I felt something come out of me
I saw you. I held you in my palms just to be sure if its really you
Baby, you got your head
You’re bending and you’re dead… :'(
Do you really want to let go?
Cause it really hurts when you say so…
Thought I’d be facing my motherhood..
But you won’t let me so there I stood
Why baby? Why?
I don’t want you to die…
You didn’t even say goodbye…
If you want to, I will let u fly…
Baby goodbye…
I will be missing you…
I love you so much…
It’s 11:55 pm and I’m just on this website because I don’t know where else to go. I keep writing blogs. none of my friends know what I’m going through. I just finished writing a blog maybe 4 hours ago and now I’m writing another one. I was just thinking about soo many things. I’ve been doing so much thinking that I’m starting to question many things. I wrote my baby a letter in a blog here and I was happy. I am happy. But I don’t know. I’m confused. I live in a hard area of Los Angeles to be pregnant. I live in a nice neighborhood where everything is well taken care of and I have a lot of friends and my parents have a lot of friends. But with having friends means gossip. I still haven’t told my parents, but I’ve been hearing people talk bout me and saying how much weight I gained. I’m sitting in my bed thinking. Like I said a million times. I’ve been thinking.
1) How can I have a child if I sometimes can’t even take care of myself
2) If I do adoption, could that be a good idea? But when I think bout adopting, I’m just imagining bout it and I don’t think I could really do it. And I can’t do it and the baby isn’t even born yet.
3) Am I being selfish for not putting my little angel in good hands? But how do I know that they’re really in good hands? What if I’m a better mother than the adopted parents? What if my daughter would be happier with me than her adopted parents?
4) What is the best thing for me to do? Drop out of school and actually raise my child? Well, I don’t think so thinking bout it. I really don’t want to be at school though and I want to stay with my child, but I know that I need schooling too.
5) Am I thinking too much? Am I being too dramatic?
God help me
Hey baby,
Hi, I just wanted to write something to you. So here it goes. I really don’t know what to write, but by the time I finish this letter, it’ll probably be a pretty long letter. So I’m going to say that I’m sooo happy that you’re my baby girl or baby boy. I still don’t know how I’m going to raise you or how life’s going to turn out for the BOTH of us. But what I do know is that I love you with all my heart and that I never know how powerful love really is until you love someone that you can’t stop loving no matter what.
I don’t even know your gender, but I could feel you inside me growing and growing. Or maybe I think I’m feeling you but I’m almost positive that it’s you growing. I can’t wait to see your little angel face, touch your little toes, and play with you one little piggie. I also can’t wait to sing to you and to hold you. Also, I hope that since I’m only 14, you’ll learn from my big mistake because I’m soo young and I wanted to do soo many things, but now I have something else to worry about. I have to worry bout you. And worrying bout you is more important to me than worrying bout school. I know I have to try my hardest in school. While most girls my age go to parties and hang out after school at Starbucks or Jamba Juice or Barnes and Noble’s, I have to go home and feed you, give you a bath, and change your clothes, and make you happy. I think that’s going to be the hardest thing for you because I want to give you soo much and I know I can’t give you half of what I want. I want you to know your real dad and I know I can’t do that. I want you to have a home to call your own and not have to be with grandma and grandpa and aunt and uncle 24/7. I want a place of our own and I can’t give that to you. I want to be with you when you’re little 24/7 and I can’t do that either I have to be at school. I want to be there with you when you give your first steps and I don’t know if I am going to be there because I have to be at school. I want me to take care of you, not grandma. Grandma already had to take care of me and she already had her time to take care of her children. And you’re her granddaughter or grandson. You’re my son or daughter and I want to take care of you. I want sooo many things for you and I can’t. But I do promise you this. I’ll try.
With love,
Your Mommy
Well, where do I start? I’m 14 years old, not even in high school yet and I’m going to be a mommy.
I once heard a saying that goes: it’s easy to be parents, but hard to be a mommy and daddy. Well in this case, there will be no daddy in the picture. I thought I was a smart girl and I thought like most girls. IT wouldn’t happen to me. Well, it ended up happening. I’m having a baby. I’m a month and a couple weeks going to two months now. I’m not showing all that much and I still haven’t told my parents. I told my baby daddy and he told me to either get an abortion or to have nothing to do with him. I chose my baby over him. I can’t stand the thought of killing my own baby and knowing that the baby was going to live. A couple of my friends told me to get an abortion too, but I told them to support me or to just get lost cuz I’m not letting my baby go.
For me, it’s going to be hard to change, but I have to do it for my baby.
I remember the day I found out that my Christmas present from my boyfriend…was a miniature him growing in my stomach.
With no money and his family’s lack of support, it all seems to get worse instead of better. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m happy that I have a healthy baby boy growing inside of me, but I can’t help but feel that we should have waited. I work only one hour a week now and he has no stable job….
So not fun…….
Okay. Well, I’m new at this site, though I’ve read a lot of everyone’s blogs, some have actually made me cry D: Mm, Anyways… I have a quick question…
My boyfriend/fiancé has left for the Marines on the 21st of June and yes, of course, I am stressed out and whatnot. Though, I don’t think that’s what’s causing my periods to go all wack. My last period was actually a light spotting that went into well, a lighter period than what I would usually have. My periods are usually downright heavy and painful right when they start. That period was light for a few good days, then it started getting heavier but not as heavy…(My periods last 4 days, maybe sometimes 5) Anywho, I had cramping, but not as bad as I usually would… Oh, I guess I should tell you that my menstrual cycle is around 30-33 days.
Okay, now I should be getting my period soon (scheduled for before the date of June 24th or maybe a day later). Though around that time, I should have gotten my period, I had supppppper tender nipples o.o Hah, they swelled and are still swollen a bit, but aren’t really sore anymore. I’m about 9 days late from my period. I also felt that irritable feeling. Like, I got annoyed at stupid stuff I normally wouldn’t of… The only catch is, my boyfriend and I had last done it on the 19th of June, the two days before he left for boot camp. We always have done it unprotected. I have heard stories of woman being prego and still having their periods… I’m not exactly saying I’m pregnant. I just think it’s very strange and abnormal for me. I was just curious about what anyone would have to say to this or if they have any info about this, it would be great (:
Thank you so much for your time! (:
