I’m a junior in High School. Me and my ex were dating 1 year and 2 months before we broke up recently because I told him I might be pregnant. I’m 16 and will turn 17 next month and he’s 19 and will turn 20 in August.
He has changed his number and blocked me from everything (which is crazy ), but I’m under the impression he’s scared that if I am my dad will send him to jail (but still isn’t an excuse).
We had unprotected sex and a few day later, I started feeling weird. Brownish and pinkish blood started to appear 10-12 days later and then maybe 3 days later, it got way heavier and 2 days later, stops.
I’m so confused and don’t know what to do a logical answer would be to take a PT, but my dad monitors my money and my bank account so it’s very hard to buy one without anyone knowing. What to do ??
I’m so new to this that I’m not even sure if I’m doing this right haha. I need some advice. I have a feeling that I’m pregnant, but I’m not sure if I really am or if it’s all in my head.
There have been a few times where I’ve thought I was pregnant, but I wasn’t. Now I fear my body is playing tricks on me… My period has never been on a schedule and comes when it wants, so i’m not sure if I’ve missed it yet. But l know it ended on the 28th last month, and it hasn’t come at all yet this month.
I have noticed a constant headache and nauseous feeling for like 2 weeks now that just doesn’t go away, not even at night. I’ve also been peeing like every 2 hours it seems like. The tests are coming up negative though. And it just feels different this time. My whole body feels different somehow….
Could it just be too early? I’m so confused… Maybe you can help me?
For a lot of women, pregnancy is a time that is both exciting and stressing. For women with a disability, conceiving a baby, pregnancy, and taking care of the child, all come with a different set of challenges. Negative attitudes persist in the society with regards to women with a disability mothering children and these make things all the more difficult.
If you are a woman with a disability and are pregnant or considering having a child, you don’t have to question your decisions. Yes, the going will be tough but if you take care of a few things, you and your child are sure to be alright.
Here are some tips that you will find useful.
Don’t Forget Your Disability Specialist
Your disability specialist may not know a lot about conceiving or pregnancy, but he does know everything about you and your limitations. Before you conceive or as soon as you know that you’re expecting, do make sure you pay your specialist a visit.
Not only will the doctor have useful advice to share with you, he will also be able to tell if the medications you are taking can be continued or if you need to take new ones.
Find a Good Obstetrician
A regular obstetrician-gynecologist may not be prepared to handle your pregnancy. Some obstetricians may not even be in favor of your decision to have a child. As such, it is very important to find a specialist who not only is prepared to handle pregnancies involving women with a disability, but is also supportive and positive about your decisions.
Begin your search for a good ob-gyn as soon as you can. An ob-gyn can offer valuable advice even before you conceive. Do ensure that the ob-gyn’s clinic is easily accessible by wheelchairs or mobility scooters. Examination tables and scales need to be accessible too.
At times, disability specialists may be able to refer you to a good ob-gyn. In such a case, you can be sure that both specialists will consult each other and ensure that you and your baby are fine.
When you do find a good ob-gyn, make sure that all physicians working with or under the ob-gyn are aware of your condition and specific needs.
Be Prepared for the Pregnancy
Whether you’re planning to conceive or are already pregnant, you need to be prepared for the pregnancy and the arrival of the baby. If you won’t be able to handle all baby care tasks single-handedly, you may find it helpful to consult an occupational therapist.
An occupational therapist can suggest techniques that will enable you to be an active participant in parenting instead of being just an observer. The occupational therapist can also provide designs for baby care equipment so that you can hold, feed, and play with your child comfortably. For special baby care equipment, you may also need to get in touch with a rehabilitation or mechanical engineer.
Further, you’ll need to take care of yourself so that the pregnancy and delivery can go smooth. Your ob-gyn may prescribe certain medications for you. Your disability specialist might advise you on your daily nutritional intake. You can also get in touch with a nutritionist for the same. If you need to get in better shape before you conceive or deliver, a physical therapist can help you.
Get the Facts Right
You might visit different doctors and all of them might have something different to tell you. You certainly don’t want to follow wrong advice so it’s best to get the facts right on your own.
First and foremost, remember that just because you have a disability, doesn’t mean your child will too. Even if you have a genetic disorder, don’t assume or let anyone make you believe that the disorder will be passed on to your child. These things can be determined easily with the help of a prenatal testing.
You may want to see a genetic counselor to assess the probability of your child inheriting your disability. The counselor will take your age and family medical history into account, and also consider your blood tests, amniotic fluid analysis, fetal cells examination, and sonography before coming to a conclusion.
At the same time, be wary of the problems that you’ll have to face while being pregnant. Pregnancy can affect the mobility of most women and if you have limited mobility, you might have to face more trouble. Pregnancy causes the body’s center of gravity to change and by the end of the second trimester, this could impact transfers and walking.
Those who can walk a bit may find using wheelchairs or Pride lift chairs comfortable, but using these devices full time may lead to permanent loss of functioning. Your disability and occupational therapists will be able to suggest the right things for you.
Furthermore, pregnancy causes back pain in almost all women during the third trimester. As people with a disability are more vulnerable to back pain, you could experience pregnancy-related back pain much earlier. Women with a disability may also feel more fatigued than those without a disability.
Other problems you could face are urinary tract infection, edema, and autonomic dysreflexia. Of course, your ob-gyn will be able to take care of it all!
Conclusion
Going through pregnancy and caring for a child are certainly more challenging for women with a disability. But don’t let your disability get in the way of experiencing the joys of pregnancy and motherhood.
Make use of the tips mentioned here and you’re sure to be on the right path!
I had my baby when I was young. We didn’t wait until we had careers, education, a house, two cars, and a nursery painted pink or blue. We wanted to be generous to life and accept whatever happened with adventurous spirits. Well, we got what we wanted!
Nine months and three weeks after our wedding, while living in my mother-in-law’s attic, I gave birth to a baby boy. Our life has never been the same since!
I have no regrets about spending the best years of my youth lavishing love on a husband and baby. I wouldn’t trade my life for any other. But I want to send a message to all young women, especially girls in their teens, who might be wanting to get pregnant: being a mom is a lot of work.
Sometimes I feel like all I do is go from diapers, to feeding, to playing, to napping, and back to diapers again. Even breastfeeding, which is efficient, takes a couple hours – up to half a day, for a newborn. The evening is mostly devoted to bathing, singing, cuddling, and coaxing your baby/child to sleep. A newborn takes ALL your time. I remember saying to my husband (who looked rather startled), “All I want is TEN MINUTES to shave my legs. That’s all. Just TEN MINUTES.”
This constant attention and preoccupation with babies’ needs doesn’t end when they turn one, either. You are their mother for life. You are never really off-duty until they leave home, which may be twenty years from now.
As much as I love being a mom, I sometimes get little twinges of “what might have been” jealousy. As I sat with my sister, who just got back from a 1200 mile hike through Spain, and look at pictures of abandoned castles where she slept, jagged cliff faces in the Pyrenees Mountains that she climbed, the pilgrims she met along the way (all looking very tanned and fit from traveling under the Spanish sun), I wondered, “Have I missed the boat?”
Being a mother, I just don’t have the same kind of freedom. I can’t travel whenever and wherever I want, as I used to dream. I might have the opportunity again someday, but right now my baby needs me.
It’s the same story with university. All our friends and family seem to be applying for school. They are so excited about choosing their courses, moving to new cities, seeing the country. Their careers and courses are spread out in front of them like a great big buffet table. All their options are open. As a mom, I won’t be going to school again for many years.
My social life has changed a lot, too. I get the “twinge” when I see my single friends dressing up and putting on perfume for an evening out. My husband and I used to go out all the time, and we still try, but you can’t be absolutely spontaneous when you are taking care of a baby.
I try not to let these things frustrate me. After all, it is good and natural for babies and mothers to be together. Comforting, cuddling, playing, feeding, singing, reading, bathing, and talking to your baby creates a strong emotional bond that is the groundwork for healthy emotions for the rest of their life.
Babies need fathers, too. Studies show that the need for both a father and mother is second only to survival. Children who are raised with both a mother and father (or some male that provides for and disciplines his children), are more likely to succeed in life. It is worthwhile to wait for the right man. Just because your boyfriend loves you and is willing to have a baby, doesn’t mean that he is ready to be a committed dad. Can he provide for you? Can he be a full-time dad, or is he just a “weekend” dad?
It’s hard to resist, I know. Babies are so cute and small. They have such adorable little clothes and accessories. But if you are not able to provide a full-time mother and father, you are not ready to meet their real needs. The baby does not need cute little clothes, bottles, toys, and buggies. The baby needs you. Putting your desire for a baby ahead of the baby’s well-being is selfish.
The single mom who fills the role of both father and mother, and who manages to work, go to school, and raise a child at the same time, is not selfish. She is a hero. She is more generous than the rest of us, because she gave the gift of life, and continues to give it, at great cost to herself. But she is the first to admit that her situation is not ideal.
My other concern for girls who are craving babies is that they lose their “girlhood.” Your youth is such a precious time. You are at the height of your beauty, physical energy, and even ability to learn. It is the time to lay the foundation for your future, to make life-long friends, to study, to see the world, to choose your vocation. Now, in your teens and twenties, is the time to decide which “door” to open.
The door to having a baby opens long before you get pregnant. It opens in the first stages of your relationships with boys, when you choose to have sex. Sex is a way of committing yourself. Sex speaks a special language, a social and bodily language, which says, “Take all of me, body and soul!” This is exciting and wonderful. But it leaves you open to the possibility of getting pregnant.
You don’t have to open this door. If you avoid the sexually active lifestyle, you will find incredible freedom. It takes some courage to preserve freedom. Guys will promise you the world. (Some really believe they can give you the world, but more often, the guy believes he can have sex without commitment.) Don’t fall for it. Being a “Stand Up Girl” also means standing up for yourself, standing up for your own freedom! The freedom to live your life in the glory of your youth, without the responsibilities that go with sex, the responsibilities of motherhood. There is plenty of time for that in the future.
Believe me, many adults look back longingly on the days when they could jump in a car with friends and go for a road trip. Or spend a week with grandma just reading and sleeping-in every day. Or backpack through Europe. Or go to school. Or go out in the evenings.
I don’t want to put down motherhood, or sex. But I want you to live the “golden years” of your life to their fullest potential. This way you can store up memories and experiences for the years ahead. Maybe it will even help you be a better mom, when you meet the right man and are ready for a baby.
“I’m not going to kill a healthy baby because I’m sick.” Ashley Bridges, a courageous 24-year-old woman, decided to prolong receiving treatment for bone cancer when she found out she was ten weeks pregnant. The decision to prolong treatment most likely will mean detrimental effects to her health and possibly death.
But as she says, “I mean, as a mother my job is to protect my kids.” You can read the story here: http://www.cnn.com/2015/01/16/us/mom-with-cancer/index.html.
Sometimes when we love someone, even someone who isn’t born yet, we make sacrifices, and oftentimes, love means putting someone else’s life above our own. Some people would find the actions of this woman to be naïve or foolish. Why wouldn’t she try to save herself? Why not put her own interests first? But the fact of the matter is, even though her child is not yet born, she is no less of a human being.
The reason this story made the news is because of this woman’s courageous choice, but the reality is that every day women facing an unexpected pregnancy make the same courageous choices.
Many women decide to put school or their career on hold to raise their child. Other women have to sacrifice their relationship with their family because they are pressuring her to have an abortion. Still other women sacrifice their finances to have their child. Unfortunately, society looks down on all these types of decisions because they believe that women shouldn’t have to make sacrifices for a child. The reality, however, is that sacrificial love is real.
When we put down our own needs and interests for the sake of someone else, we love them in one of the deepest and most unselfish ways possible. This type of sacrifice for love may not have outward and obvious rewards, yet there are huge internal rewards that others just can’t see. For example, women are told that they need to succeed at work and get raises and promotions. They need to get straight A’s and be at the top of their class. Achieve, Achieve, Achieve! But no regard is given to women who choose to be successful, sacrificial mothers. Maybe it’s time we all started looking at sacrificial love the same way Ashley does and stop letting others define success for us.
Having an unexpected pregnancy is very difficult, just as difficult as sacrificial love. If you are pregnant and wondering how you can get through it, there is help. There are pregnancy resource centers located all across the United States and the world that can help you give birth and raise your child. Just go to www.optionline.org and you can find help near you.
Sacrificial love is one of the greatest things we can do for another person. Unfortunately, it goes largely unappreciated by our culture. But the reality is, some of the most valuable and precious things in our lives go unnoticed and unappreciated. But like Ashley we can choose to do what is right, even if other people don’t understand.
Recently, Nicki Minaj spoke publicly about having an abortion when she was in high school. She describes her abortion experience by saying, it has “haunted me all my life.” She says that when she found out she was pregnant, she felt that she “was going to die” and it was the hardest thing she has ever been through. Her comments are reminiscent of what so many women feel and go through when they find out they are pregnant. Many women speak of feelings of isolation, loneliness, despair, confusion, and sadness.
Moreover, women feel that they are the only ones in the world who feel this way. The reality, however, is that no matter what your particular situation is, there is someone who has also been there and gotten through it.
In her disclosure about her abortion experience, Nicki says that she was in high school and the father of her child was much older than her. Surely, she felt feelings of shame, fear, and maybe abandonment. Feelings such as these are not uncommon and, in fact, it is these feelings that often contribute to making an abortion decision. It is understandable to want to try to avoid those very negative emotions and have an abortion as a means of escaping it. An abortion will, in fact, take away feelings of shame, fear, abandonment, etc.; however, it commonly just exchanges them for feelings of guilt, regret, sadness, loss, and what Nicki describes as feeling “haunted” by her abortion.
It is very common to believe that having an abortion will make you “un-pregnant,” and you will go back to being who you were before you were pregnant. The truth, however, is that being un-pregnant is not possible. Yes, you may no longer have your baby, but there are oftentimes many feelings of loss and sadness that some women are left to work though. It is false to believe that having an abortion will not be a life changing decision.
But there is hope. if you have already had an abortion, you don’t need to continue having feelings follow you from your abortion. You can find a post abortion support group in your area, and the best part is that it is totally free and confidential. To find a support group in your area, just go to optionline.org, type in your zip code, and find a pregnancy center that you feel comfortable going to. You can also seek help by seeing a professional counselor in your area.
If you are pregnant right now and are thinking about having an abortion, there is a lot to consider. If you are thinking about abortion so that you will not be alone or because you are afraid to tell people you’re pregnant, abortion may take those feelings away; however, you may be left with even more feelings to struggle through. Many women make a decision for abortion without thinking through the possible long-term effects. Start by making an appointment at a pregnancy center to talk about all of your options. Just go to optionline.org, type in your zip code, and find center that you feel comfortable going to.
It is very brave for Nicki Minaj to talk about her abortion. Being pregnant or having an abortion is not something that has to be a skeleton in the closet. Other people may try to shame you or blame you, but you can be brave too and find safe people to talk about what you are going through.
