Where do i begin

When I was 15, I met this guy.

6 months into our relationship, I found out I was pregnant with my first child. A little girl. We wanted her to be named, Lashay Aubrea. I didn’t know anything about being a mother, but good thing I had supportive parents to help me. I moved out of my parent’s house when I was 9 months along, and 2 days before my birthday. I had turned 16 and I went to get me a learner’s permit and while I was taking the written part of the test, my water broke. I Had Lashay on June 5th. She was 7 pounds 8 ounces, 21 inches long. 4 months after, I guess I was still fertile because I found out I was pregnant again, with another girl. We named her Quanashia Anae. She was born July 5th ( Both on the 5th of a month 🙂 ). I raised my 2 little princesses from day to day. Lashay is now 2, 3 in June. Quanashia is now 1, 2 in July. I found out I was pregnant with another baby on May 5th ( 5 is my lucky number) and I had my Adorable baby girl Allyson Emio on February 1(5). I am 18 now, soon to be 19, and I graduated with honors on May 20. I have 3 adorable little girls and they are my life. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

<3 Lashay
<3 Nashia
<3 Allyson
You guys are the reason I breathe. Mommy love’s you all.

My Life Today :))

My day today went pretty much the same…but since this is my first blog entry I will tell you how a normal day goes.

Everyday (school days), I wake up at 5 am and get in the shower. I get dressed and go back to sleep in till 6:30am. By then, my hair is dry and I walk to the bathroom to do my make-up and hair. After that, I get my bag for school ready and sit in the living room till the bus comes.

While I’m at school, I am greeted by lots of “Hi Jenni’s”. No, I am not one of the “popular people” but at my school…. It’s not really like that… Most of us all get along… The only cliques really are all of us, and then geeks, and then wanna-be cool people.

When I get home, I usually eat something, go to the bathroom, and do my homework. After that, I stay out till dark (in summer I can stay out till 1 am :))

Anyways…I have to wrap this up…but the next time I write in my blog, I will inform you about my day (it’s usually full of funny stuff and weird/stupid stuff :)) Haha.

bleeding

Help me,

I am starting to be paranoid. I had my period from Feb 14 to Feb 18. Then after 3 days, I had sex with my boyfriend. We used the withdrawal method. Then, after 4 days, I had this bleeding, and it’s like a menstruation. Does anyone have this also??

Please do help me. Thanks a lot.

my story..

I’m 18 and have been with my boyfriend for 1 year now. And as most relationships start, it was AMAZING, but we’ve had so many problems.

He’s lied, cheated, lied, lied, lied, cheated, lied…You get the pattern… And I will admit, I haven’t always been the best girlfriend… I cheated on him in September, but two days later the guilt was eating me up and I told him. I took all the consequences that went with it, only to find out a week later I was pregnant but it was 100% my boyfriends… The last thing he said to me the day I found out I was pregnant was if I kept it, he’d be there FOR me but not be WITH me, but if I got rid of it he’d stay by me. So I chose the relationship over our child because he was saying things like I can’t sacrifice for him and sh*t like that. So I flipped and said I can’t sacrifice? What do think this abortion is all about?! During the abortion ( a medical one), he took me on Monday and stayed while I took the first pill. The next day while I was halfway through this, he was meant to see me that night… He, however, rung me up and said get an early night, cos you have a long day tomorrow, and told me his friend was having girlfriend problems. This hurt me so bad, but it was his best friend so I said okay, only to find out another friend came along and they just chilled. The next day, Wednesday, I spent the day in the hospital to finish the procedure and he promised he’d bring me magazines, chocolates, etc., as you weren’t allowed to have anyone stay for the privacy of the other 5 girls in the ward with me. He didn’t. He bought a Nuts magazine which I asked for as a joke and I didn’t even get to take it home because he wanted it.

During the 6 weeks I was pregnant…He proposed the next night we had an argument because I’d helped one of my best boy friends catch up on some math so he could pass his engineering exam to get onto the course… ( This honest to God was the most innocent thing possible… He was at my house for about an hour and my family was home and with my help, he got onto his course.) He knew I helped him, but then found out he was at my house, which I was sure I told him, but I guess not. Anyway, he started being stupid, saying I didn’t love him and I just love the idea of a boyfriend. This made me upset because he’d just told me the engagement was off. I then got up and went into the garden to cool off… He followed me out and we carried on arguing…He said some more horrible things, at which point I’d had enough. So I pushed past him to walk away, just to get away from him…He pulled me back and I tried again. This time, he grabbed my shoulders and made me fall on the floor, hitting my head. I just lay there in shock. I couldn’t believe he’d just done that to me. After that, I was just plain scared of the boy. The father of the child inside me… That weekend after the abortion, we went to a concert together with his cousin, his cousin’s girlfriend, and another friend. On the way there, he was on BBM (blackberry messenger) to someone with a screen name of PJC… In my gut, I knew who this was…His ex ( who he CANNOT stay away from!)  I asked who it was and he said a friend from work called Jack Bradley… COME ON! PJC and Jack Bradley. I wasn’t effing stupid! But I left it and asked the other girl with us to find out the ex’s BBM name… It was PJC… This was inside the venue… So I went to the toilet to calm down and came back and he kept asking what was wrong, etc… I denied anything at first, then got so angry. I grabbed him by the head and pulled his head to mine so I could speak in his ear…I simply said…I know…It’s her! I know it is! So stop ****ing lying to me! I don’t deserve this ****! He was like, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. What do you want me to do, baby? Look, I’ll delete her…Look, I’ve deleted her now…I was like I don’t give a ****! The night just went on and I pretended nothing happened because we were in company… When I got home, I was on the phone with him and he was crying, begging me not to dump him. I being the ****head I am, said no I won’t finish you, blah, blah, blah… I asked if there was anything I needed to know. He says no. Only to find a week or so later, his ex texts him and I text back saying JUST STOP TEXTING ME!! She says back, what the *****? You weren’t like that when you asked me to come round last Friday! (That Friday was 2 days after my abortion.) So I ran upstairs as we were in his cousin’s house and cried my eyes out and he came up after me and was on his knees, wiping away my tears, looking me in the eye, swearing on my life she was a liar and he would never do that to me…Never! I again believed this because in my eyes this guy is God’s gift! He’s my absolute everything, but sadly a week or so later, when I was in his bed with him asleep, I started texting his ex and she told me the truth…I woke him up and calmly asked him…She came, didn’t she?… He waited a while and said yes… In the same tone, I asked another question… Did you ask her to come see you? ( Because he’d sworn on everything possible she just showed up) and he just looked down and said yes…

I got out of bed and just got dressed and asked to be taken home NOW! He started getting upset and crying and hitting things. His dad came in and started shouting at him…He said what the hell is all this? And my boyfriend went, she’s dumping me OK!? His dad looked at me and said are you sure this is what’s right to do…I just said back, I’ve tried…I’ve tried so hard…I just can’t anymore. Again, after this, I got back with him…And since October, he’s had a new number, and he’s calmed down with all this sh*t he does. Now there’s another problem…I just don’t feel wanted…I don’t feel loved anymore…After all these months, I’m seeking professional help about my abortion and he’s not really to bothered about it…Recently, we had an argument the night before my 18th…And he was staying at my house because my family was away…I went to bed at 11, so upset, and fell asleep crying…I woke up at 1 and was still alone so I rang him and he was downstairs on the sofa…At 4:30, I woke up alone again and went downstairs and he was asleep on the sofa… I haven’t felt like such **** in a long long long time…He came up cause I woke him up and said what are you doing? Why have you left me alone? So he came up and we got into bed and I said, why did you leave me? He was like you made me angry. I was proving a point. I said this isn’t the first time I’ve made you angry. You’ve never not come to bed. You’ve never left me alone…He said sorry, but you just made me angry… Then we had make up sex, but it didn’t’ even mean anything. It wasn’t special, nothing…Just sex…Thinking things over at like 5am, I realized what he was basically saying is I deserved to wake up alone on my birthday…

This was 4 days ago now, and its only got worse…I spoke to him 2 nights ago and told him I’m scared he’s just not into me anymore, not attracted to me… He said if I wasn’t, I would have told you…I had to actually tell him that what I need is some reassurance! Even then, he was like I JUST TOLD YOU!!! If i didn’t feel attracted to you, I’d ****ing tell you!! (yelling at me by now) I spent my whole birthday trying to get him to cuddle me and kiss me and I got jack ****! I got the smallest amount of it ever! I stayed over that night and the next evening, went home. Before I went home, he started kissing me and touching me and got horny and so wanted sex. Hours before this, I was sitting on him, hoping to get some spark…We were alone in the house and he said no, we can’t. (Usually, he’d jump to the chance and we’d rush upstairs.) But now, just before I had to go, we had sex. So we had it when it suited him…Not when I was straddling him as he developed an erection and then turned me down. Yesterday…we never make plans to see each other…We just see each other… And I asked last night, so when do I see you? And he said but we haven’t made plans? I said we never make plans EVER! We just see each other. And he was like oh sorry, but my mum’s been nagging me to clean my rooms for weeks so I’m doing that tonight. And I have no petrol money ( which I know is true ). but he kept pushing me off the phone saying he’s going to eat, or watch TV with family, or play Xbox….In the end, he didn’t clean his room…He spent the night playing Xbox…Today, I’ve been texting him really nicely, calling him baby, smilesaying I’m so excited to see you, and I just feel like he’s forcing himself to act the same way back…I just don’t think he loves me anymore…He’s been yelling at me a lot recently and we’ve argued so much!

Please help…I’m so so drained…Even my family are saying, what has happened to you?…You’re miserable! My boyfriend says every relationship goes through problems…But surely this isn’t right…Please help, someone! frownI’m just so lost and trapped and genuinely think I’m depressed.

Since this, we’ve split and now things are just even more confusing.. 🙁 :)(

My Early Pregnancy

I couldn’t believe I would be pregnant at this age. Currently, I am texting my boyfriend to seek help from our close classmates. This is our first baby that we will leave and say goodbye for a moment. I can’t stop crying because of this.

We planned to be safe that night but it didn’t work. 🙁

all my walls are breaking down.

I’m scared. And alone.

The guy (baby’s father, football player, my (sorta) ex, whatever you want to call him) found out about me being pregnant. Well, I told him. Over the past few months, we’d really begun to be good together, and this just all crumbled. I guess I was stupid to think that a smart, good-looking football player would just give up his life and dreams of scholarships and college to stay with me and raise a baby. Heck, maybe I just wished a little too hard he might just be like Nathan Scott on One Tree Hill. Nope. Sucks right? I still like him, I think I love him, and I want this to work, I want my baby to have a dad, unlike me. I want them to have everything; a mom and dad who love each other, a home, everything else they should have.

I’m beginning to feel lost without him. I try and tell myself that I don’t need him. He’s a waste of space, but he genuinely isn’t. I think he’s just confused or whatever. I hope he comes around. He didn’t say ‘get an abortion’ or ‘It’s not mine’; he just said ‘I can’t deal with this now ‘ and walked away from me.

I hope he turns around and walks back.