I’m currently 17 weeks, 4 days along! I know I’m only 15…So young, but I really do love my unborn baby boy! He’s everything to me. I’m so happy about this pregnancy. I’m not sad and miserable…I’m proud of this. I’m strong and I’m willing to do this on my own if I have to! If my son’s father doesn’t grow up, he won’t have anything to do with his child. My baby will just be MY son!
I couldn’t be happier at school. I have so many great friends, the teachers are fab, and well, my mum couldn’t be better! She’s so strong, for me. She’s the main reason I’m still smiling. I know I’m going to be an amazing mummy, because my little man comes before everything now. He will always be my main priority. I don’t understand why a man wouldn’t want to know their child. It’s crazy! If I ever lost my baby, I’d search for him until the day I died.
Deciding on names is so tricky, I’ve got so many names in my head, but I don’t know what he looks like…Do how can I pick it so it suits him? Hopefully, I’ll pick one after the 4d scan…Get a better look of him. My baby boy is everything to me! I love him!<3
Things have just gotten so bad. I don’t know how to maintain my sanity without being spiteful, mean, crude, and sinful. I have gotten into a horrible fight with my son’s father who has, as a result, turned on his own child and says he doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He doesn’t want to take on his responsibilities. He’s been doing them for almost four years. It was like a slap in the face for him to even say that to me. I felt it in my heart and the pain I felt was more for my son than me. How do you just give up on your child that you supposedly love? How can you look at yourself and call yourself a MAN OR WOMAN? In this case a “MAN”. Of course, I sent mean texts and I am fighting back the urge to say a lot more, but I can’t stop these tears… It’s bad enough that we take out our frustration on other people and I’m even worse for doing it to my son. I FEEL like a monster, a devil, like I am no better than an abuser.
EVERYDAY is a struggle for me: Going to school full time, Pregnant for two different guys and unsure of who the father is…Being unemployed, trying to raise my son who is late in talking. I feel everyday like I’m taking one step forward and two step back. I don’t know what I should do, which road to take, how to even hold myself together. If I could have seen all this coming from high school, I would have done so many things differently, but then again, I wouldn’t.
I spent so many tears today that I didn’t think I could cry anymore…Even now as I write this, tears trickle down my face…Its 4:28 am. I’m suppose to be sleeping to wake for 6am, catch the bus at 7:23am, be at school for 9am.=, and have a late class on top of it…I don’t know, I don’t know how i will make it thru this day… And on top of that, I have a psychology test based on three chapters…I haven’t felt like giving up for such a long time…And I’m at my breaking point.
Hey everyone.
I’ve decided to write this blog as I don’t know where else to turn anymore. This will be a long read but for those of you who read this and can offer me some advice, I would be extremely grateful. A few months ago (30th September to be exact), I had an abortion when I was just over 9 weeks pregnant. It broke my heart, but at the time, I truly believed it was the right decision as I had no idea who the father was (I had been with 3 guys that month so it could have been any of them) and I didn’t want to bring the child up with so much stress and these men were just one night stands so the impact it had on the real father would have been life changing.
After the abortion, I really regretted it… I even wrote a blog on how I will never do it again and it haunted me everyday, wondering what could have been. I had nightmares. I was worried that it affected me so I couldn’t have kids again. I was worried that I was going to hell. I was careless and bought it on myself.
A month later, I ended up in a relationship (I got back with my ex boyfriend who I had previously been dating for 5 years). We ended up having an argument one night and I stormed off which resulted in me sleeping with another man, which I strongly regret. My boyfriend doesn’t know this though and I don’t have the heart to tell him. Unfortunately, I have just found out I am pregnant AGAIN… This time I am just over 10 weeks pregnant and the doctor plus the person doing the scan said I conceived about the time I had slept with this other guy who wasn’t my boyfriend. I am now STRONGLY considering having ANOTHER abortion, which hurts like crazy, but I think it is the only way I can really keep the relationship I am in now. The father isn’t even in the same country anymore and I know if he knew about the baby, then he will definitely not want anything to do with it. So I will end up alone with a baby I don’t think I can take care of. Please don’t judge me. I know what I did was wrong and I have truly learnt my lesson. I have no idea what to do. I am stuck between a hard place and a rock. I don’t want the relationship I’m in now to end, but I know it will once my boyfriend finds out the baby isn’t his. Please help me! Any advice would be great. But please don’t judge. I already hate myself for what I’ve done.
Since my last post,
I’m almost 7 weeks pregnant!
3 more weeks and I won’t have to worry as much. I’ll be in the safe zone.
But, I’m so excited!
I just haven’t figured out how to tell my dad. I’m not sure if he will freak out or not.
My boyfriend seems excited, just not as excited as he was the first time I got pregnant.
I guess it just hasn’t sank in, I don’t know.
I know it hasn’t fully set in to me that I’m pregnant, lol.
I’m in shock constantly. Hopefully, he gets more into it when my belly starts growing.
He does get excited when we go to the baby section of any store lol.
My mom is the most excited out of anyone I think.
I know my grandma isn’t happy. And it kind of sucks but I don’t know. We’ll see what happens with her.
Well gtg for now.
Thanks for reading<3
As I have been on this for nearly a year now, I thought it was time I said everything and what haven’t. Most people know I had a miscarriage, but not all the details.
Basically, I was 14. Me and my boyfriend had been together for a little over a year and in April, I got pregnant. We were at a party and we both got very drunk and because we were so drunk, we didn’t use any protection although this wasn’t the first time we hadn’t used any, it just happened. A week passed and I thought nothing of it but when I realized I was late. I knew what it was. I went down and got a pregnancy test… and it said positive. I didn’t know what to think or say or do. I rang my boyfriend and he was happy, said that he would stick by me. Although I was the complete opposite. The truth was I didn’t want this baby, I thought to myself I’m 14, not 20… The problem wasn’t the money issue. It was the fact that my parents were so strict. They didn’t know I had a boyfriend, let alone pregnant. I wanted an abortion so badly, but I realized that wasn’t the best thing to do as my mum had always said that whatever happened that I should never have an abortion because it is killing someone. So I decided not to have an abortion and I went to have my 12-week scan and she said everything was fine even though I was really small for my age.
It was 2 weeks later I woke up one morning and I was I walking down the stairs. I had a pain shoot through me. I had never been in so much pain before. I got taken to the hospital and they said I had a miscarriage. I took it so badly, I wanted this baby. I wasn’t myself for days. Me and my boyfriend split up a while after that and he went off the rails; smoking, taking drugs… nearly killing himself. But still 6 months later, I still wanted a baby. So I told this boy who I had been friends with for ages that I wanted to have a baby… So we tried, but nothing came of it.
2 years later, I still get times where I miss my baby and everything we had, but at the end of the day, I was young. I now have a social life, although I haven’t had a boyfriend since then… I can’t go through the heartbreak again. But for now, I’m focused on getting all my grades at school and going onto University. I still wondered what would have happened if things had happened differently, but I will never know. Although as the years have gone past, I am now so much more happier and eventually my life is on the right track again. People may think I was wrong for what I did, but we are all different 🙂
Naomi x
Hi, I’m 18, well just turned 18 last January.
I have my current boyfriend for almost 10 months. Last month before my birthday, rumors about my pregnancy started to spread without knowing it. Well, it’s not really a fact because I had a period that time. Glad that I have because that’s my proof that the rumors were not true. Then everything went fine until last Friday. I was expecting my period but I did not have it and today was my 4th day of delayed period. I admit that me and my boyfriend have been lovemaking for almost a week before this day.. I thought pulling out was safe. and here I am panicking and paranoid of my situation. I don’t know what and how to tell my aunts who’ve raised me for almost 18 years. They’re expecting too much from me… I stopped my studies a year ago because of financial problems and my aunt planned that I should continue them this coming school year, but I think when she learns about my situation, everything will mess up..
I don’t know what to do. I’m still hoping that my period is just delayed… I just really hope… I’m super scared. I don’t know what to do.. I even think on committing suicide, but if really I’m pregnant, I don’t want the baby to suffer. My boyfriend is so supportive to me… but still I’m scared. I don’t know how to face this. Please give me some suggestions.. I think I’m going insane thinking that people may laugh at me and judge me 🙁
