I’m done crying for him. I’m done crying period. I’m done with a lonely life looking for my true love, because I found the one who will never hate me. I found my baby. Why have a boyfriend who will drop you when the next girl catches his eye? When you have a beautiful life who loves you no matter what! Guys come and go, and I’ve had to learn that the hard way, but as my baby grows, I’ve learned I have to also. I thought I was mature enough to have sex. I thought he loved me, but boy was I wrong! But without him, I would have never had her, my beautiful child. So thank you, thank you for giving me the best present of my life. Maybe someday you will see her that way too! <3
Why does everyone have a goal to make me cry now? What did I do to deserve this hell? Today was the worst of it. The baby daddy had to bring up funerals and crap like that. It just brought back the worst memories of the year. Then he said, “What about you, have you lost anyone close to you this year?” Like he didn’t already know! My stepson through adoption/cousin passed away due to a tragic accident. All week, I haven’t cried until he had to bring up all that. Everybody was like, ‘Well, at least you’re talking now.’ Honestly, I would rather him ignore me than bring him up ever again. I know trying to just forget about the whole thing is not the right approach, but I can’t help but think it was all my fault. How does a TV fall on a two-year-old? How is a mother, step or biological, ever supposed to live through this when I’m scared to think about my little girl, cause I might lose her too!?
Well, I’m now 4 months and I just found out I’m having a girl :D! I chose a name for her, her daddy doesn’t even want to know about her. I fear he never will. He already has a daughter and sees her all the time, so why should ours be any different? I’m so tired of his crap. Why can’t he just grow up and admit to his mistake like I did? I hope one day, he asks to see her, and you know what I’m going to let him so he can see what he’s missed out on! But one fear I have is that she will make all the same mistakes I did, and I don’t want this for her!
Dear General Public.
So, I’m 16 years old, and currently attending Grade 11 in a tiny high school in Canada. (Ay? ;] ) As of today, my monthly “blessing” was supposed to visit me about a week ago. Yesterday, I woke up feeling extremely sick and dizzy. So today, I made the distant drive to Rocky Mountain House, Alberta, and bought myself a couple of pregnancy tests. Well! As if the obvious wasn’t happening, 2 tests, and 4 pink lines later, I was making the phone call to my best friend in a complete panic. She met me at the hospital (all of the clinics were closed by this time) and we made an appointment to see a doctor! Yay? Two hours, one cup of pee, and a nurse stabbing me in the arm to steal my blood later, the doctor knocked on my door. He came in, and immediately handed me a booklet explaining about abortion. He basically explained to us, that abortion is the answer, and it will solve all of our problems. We live in a tiny town, in southern Alberta. There are seriously like 200 kids in our school. My pregnancy would be the first in like the last… Gazillion years. Being a small school, everyone would know, and everyone would judge me. We all know this too well. I’ve dreamed of being a teacher since I was like… Little. If I have this baby, it’s going to change everything, and make pursuing my dreams a lot more difficult. So of course, abortion is at the top of my list at the moment. My doctor directed me to StandUpGirl to read testimonials from other teenage girls and how they dealt with their abortions. After reading them, I’m finding myself quite scared. I really don’t want to go ahead with this if it’s going to make me depressed for the rest of my life… But I really have to think about my future, and how it’s going to affect me. Right now, 5 weeks in, I’m feeling nauseated all the time, I’m eating a ton and I’m constantly tired. I can imagine in like 6 months, when finals are about to roll around the corner, it’ll probably be like 50 times worse. I’m honestly at a loss for what to do. Abortion seems like the right decision, but so many people seem so depressed after the initial procedure and regret it for such a long time. Plus at 5 weeks, I know that my baby is already developing its eyes, it’s ears, and it’s respiratory system… I feel like if I go through with this, I’m going to be murdering an innocent human being.
This is my story of how I met and am with the guy I’m having my baby with.
I met him on December 4th while hanging with a few of my friends at their house. I barely knew him at the time, but we had sex and I lost my virginity. I thought I was never going to hear from him again, but a couple of days later, he texted. I asked him about that night asking if he regretted what we did or anything like that. He said no. He said he didn’t regret anything and still wanted to see me, so next weekend he did. Everything was great. I had a new guy in my life and he is amazing. A few weeks ago, he told me he loves me and I love him too. After that, I started feeling funny; nausea in the morning and night and constantly eating. I was afraid I was pregnant so I had a friend get me a test and guess what? It was positive. I still didn’t believe it so I bought another one this weekend. It was still positive. He still doesn’t know I’m pregnant but I’m going to tell him soon. I hope he doesn’t freak out. He’s a lot older than me and I’m not ready to be a mother I think, but honestly, I don’t know. Honestly, I’m kind of excited. All I know is I love my boyfriend and I hope he loves me enough to support me with the baby and we can be a family.
Okay, so here it is.
I am 16 years old and very responsible and dedicated. I’m only a sophomore in high school and already in college. I am on the pill and am very good about taking it. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. This past month, I messed up on my pill. I don’t know what happened, but I took the last week of the pills as the first week. I didn’t notice it till my period was late. Then I looked at the package and realized what I had done. My period is almost two weeks late now.
The pills being taken differently could have stopped my period this month I know. And my boyfriend and I only had sex twice last month. I took a $1 test on Monday, Jan 2nd. It was negative, but it was still early. I plan to take a First Response test this week. My boyfriend will raise it and has a good job. But he thinks it will ruin my future that i have pushed so hard for. He threw up the word Abortion once. Which was so odd for him because he is against it. But he is just so concerned about what my parents will do with their tempers and about my future. He said it’s in me and my choice though and he will be there through it all no matter what I do. And I know he will.
My parents will not understand, I am afraid. That’s my biggest fear. They treat me like a child when it comes to this stuff when clearly I am not. I am a high school student and a college student. I have a job. I have practically raised myself. But still, my boyfriend is really scared they will push us apart instead of telling him to own up.
I was thinking of telling them in a letter? That way I don’t have to be face to face with them. I know I don’t want to tell them alone if I turn out to be. I honestly would slightly fear for my child’s safety.
I haven’t had many symptoms, I find that my breasts are sore and my stomach hurts and I have a weird tugging feeling around my belly button. Also I have cysts on my ovaries and they have been killing me lately like they are stretching or about to bust. I know pregnancy ruptures them.
I know this is a lot to read and if you take the time I thank you greatly. I can do this I know I can. My boyfriend has a two year old daughter by the girl he was with before me. I have raised her as my own though, and I have raised my niece and nephew. I know what it feels like to get little sleep and go to school. I can do this I know I can. I just want some opinions, advice, COMFORT.
Thank you so much,
Black Rose <3
