Caught up in the middle, Oh so young, thinking there’s no one to help…
Never gave family a chance, Hearts that once beat as one now torn apart…
Just because of love for a man that never cared, Left alone to deal with regret, emptiness, pain, and tears
Can’t do nothing about it… Just hoping that life will forgive her one day………
Let’s just say it all began six years ago. I’m now thirteen years old and the only good thing I have in my life is my boyfriend and his family. I never really had any support from anyone in my family except for my mother. Everyone else put me as a second thought including my father and the rest of my family! They treated me as if I wasn’t even there and everything else came first.
I was only seven years old when my mother passed away and it was about the worst thing I think I could have ever experienced.
Even though I was only seven years old, I had already pretty much lived a living hell. Things just kept getting worse, but it went from where my parents were both drug addicts to one passing away and the other one being in jail consistently. I had a very hard life and it went from bad to worse.
I moved in with my grand-mother after the passing away of my mother occurred. Things went well for a while, I guess, but as soon as I turned ten or eleven, things became even worse for me. I was living a very abusive life and it seemed as if no body was there for me and everything became my fault. No matter what I did, it was always wrong and still to this day it is. I bottled everything up inside, just hoping it would go away but instead I was just causing more pain for myself. The emotional abuse was just growing and growing and it felt like I couldn’t do a single thing right.
Basically after everything I did, I would either get yelled and screamed at or be hit and punched. My grand-mother isn’t one of those old grandma’s you’d think of. She’s only 50 something and still believes she’s 20 years old. Every night’s another party for her and another bar to go to. I still clean up after her and still get abused. Nothings changed as things seem to now, just get worse and worse.
Since I’m only thirteen, there’s not much I can do. At the beginning of this story, I said the only good thing in my life is my boyfriend and his family. Well about eleven months ago, we started dating and it completely changed my life. He’s sixteen years old and I’m thirteen but it’s us against the world. He completes my life and I wouldn’t ask for anything more. He’s such a nice guy and does everything for me, as if I were to be a princess and I couldn’t thank him enough.
Since we’ve been dating, we’ve always talked about having children together but perhaps later on in the future, but that didn’t happen. We talked a lot and came to a conclusion of how we wanted a son or daughter and we wanted them now! But if you’re reading this and are commenting saying you’re a whore or slut, then please don’t continue reading it because I don’t want to hear any negativity towards him or I.
Now I believe I’m pregnant due to every single symptom and a missed period and we are now waiting for the blood test to give us the accurate positive. We went to talk to someone about this whole situation from the passing away of my mom, to the abuse at home, and now the pregnancy. I think it was such a good choice to talk to someone and finally let it all out to someone else besides my boyfriend who I know will listen. If it turns out to be a positive, which there’s no way it won’t be, I believe I’m about a month in and am so excited.
I can’t wait to hear the doctor come in and say congratulations, you’re going to be a mommy because this is all I’ve dreamed of and then giving birth to him or her and hearing their first cry. I’m so excited and shocked but I’m looking forward to seeing them grow up and living a new life, where I know I’ve done something right and am a good mother to my children.
Since no one else has ever been there for me but him and his parents, it feels like I’m just another person in this world, even to my own family. This is what put the thought in my head of having a baby because I know he or she will be treated right. This baby will completely change our lives and even though it’s a huge responsibility, I know him and I can take it on.
Both him and his parents are very supportive people! & I know he will be the most amazing father ever and i will definitely be the best mother I can be to my child.
Now to the other young girls who are reading this, pregnant or trying, maybe even not, and it’s just a thought in your head! Well remember, just because you’re younger doesn’t make you any less or worse of a parent then being older. It doesn’t make you any less of a person either and even though I’ve already gotten comments from people who I thought were my friends calling me slut and what not, it doesn’t matter because the only thing that matters now is you and your family! So forget the negativity and just look towards the positives.
Good luck girlies!
I am ashamed of myself today…..
Today. The wounds are pretty superficial… deep enough to bleed… shallow enough to heal. It’s been a bit more than a year since I self-harmed and yesterday, I fell off the wagon. In that split second, the razor gently caressed my arm and I felt release… I took what was left of my Lexapro ( which clearly was not enough to kill me but succeeded in turning me into a zombie).
Cowardice.
As a suicide survivor, I should know better. As a recovering self-mutilator, I should know better… but, I did it anyway. I didn’t think that going off anti-depressants would affect me this badly and this far down the line. I’ve been off them for some time now and been fine. These last few weeks things have gone slowly down hill.
At home, things are fine. I don’t know if it’s the sudden change in jobs, change of pace, or bad pms…. I’ve just lost interest. My studies have gone to heck and I just don’t care.
The boyfriend is heavily p!ssed off about the cutting. Actually, more upset with me than angry. I guess I understand why. He says it feels like he took the blade in his own hands and made the incision, because he failed to stop me, because he’s failed to make me happy.
How do I make him understand that it’s not about him? That I’m selfish and self-centered when I hurt myself? That in that moment, all I think of is myself and making the hurt go away? Now that I’ve done it again, how do I stop myself turning to that addiction everytime I lose my grip?
I am ashamed of myself today….
xoxox
Hi lovies, this is my get to know me blog 🙂
About me
Age: 18
Occupation: Looking for a job, just left college, starting a night course in beauty.
Short Personal Description: My family is my world. There’s only the three of us; me, mum, and dad. I’d be nowhere without them. I’m a girly girl at heart, but very down to earth, grew up a little too fast, and am wise for my years. Had a lot go on in my life that I’ve had to deal with, so my friends use me as an agony aunt I tend to deal out decent advice I hope. I have one love in my life and she is my beautiful god sister, she’s about to turn ten, millennium baby, Id do anything for her:)
Favorites:
Hobbies: Spending time with family, going out with friends, shopping, reading, fashion, photography, PC.
Color: Black
Food: Italian
Hang-out: My house, the pub on occasion, my friends
Music: I range a lot, R&B to dance to rock
Books: Twilight Saga…. too many. Really, I’m a bit of a geek
Movies: Comedy, Action, Romance
TV Shows: Scrubs, Hollyoaks, Friends, Waking the Dead, E4 mainly! Authors: A few
Cartoon Character: Tigger
Digging Deeper:
Country You Wish To Visit The Most: Italy
Most Influential Person in Your Life: My dad
Greatest Ambition: Live a happy comfortable life, with a beautiful happy family, get somewhere with a good job.
Biggest Achievement: not sure yet
Grandest Wish: My family to have the best life possible and to be happy.
What You Can’t Live Without : My family
If you want to know anymore, or just want to chat, ask for my msn, I’ll be happy to have a natter 🙂 x
Hi, I’m 16, 17 in April and I’m 5 months pregnant.
It’s not an easy thing at all. My mom threw me out when she found out. I’m living with my grandparents. The father doesn’t know. He was a one-time thing, my first and only. I feel ashamed to walk out in public with my belly showing. I wear sweaters two sizes too big and very loose jeans. The only people who really know are my family. I no longer attend school, I do work from home. I only go out when I really need to. I wish I could have found this website earlier. It’s been so hard trying to deal with this alone. I have no idea what I’m going to do when this baby comes. I can’t give it up, I’m too attached. The scariest part of all this is thinking I have to do it alone.
But that’s all for now.
I am 18 weeks pregnant and the father is the man whom I mentioned in my very first blog. My best friend, now boyfriend. He’s the love of my life. He’s gone through everything with me. I love him. I’m 18 and he’s 19. He’s leaving for college 7 hours away in the fall. So what am I to do about this baby? We both don’t know what to do.
