I can’t believe that I’m still up.
I can’t seem to get tired, but hey, I can sleep most of later today if I need to. Just trying to deal with so much so far as school, and relationships. It seems that over these past 4 months or so, I have forgotten an important factor in the whole ordeal. I’ve been so busy trying to deal with everything that I haven’t stopped and just talked to God. You know, at the beginning of everything, I was so angry with God. I mean, who did He think He was, messing with my life like this? I just wanted to deny His existence and banish him from my life. I was just so angry at Him, but then over the past week or so, I had to face up that I was blaming the wrong person. I made the choices that led to my pregnancy, not God. But He is there for me to depend on. Sometimes, it seems that leaning on him just isn’t enough. I mean yes, He can pull me through anything. I just don’t always agree with His tactics, but whose to say that God is doing this to me? My isolation, boredom, and depression are once again my fault. Who’s stopping me from leaving the house other than me? Who’s making me watch tv all day? Who’s really doing anything to me other than myself? You know, it’s so easy to blame God for your mishaps and run away from your problems. Well, considering pregnancy isn’t that easy, well, I need to pray. In order to do that, I need to forgive myself. Why didn’t someone tell me that growing up would be so hard? I want to be 5 again and cling to my mommy whenever something doesn’t go my way.
I just don’t know what to do anymore, turning to God is my only option.
OK! So what do you think?
These past few days, I’ve felt light cramps... and I had lower back pain... And no morning sicknesses or anything... As far as I know, it started 6 days after my boyfriend and I had sex… During my fertility days, though I’m not that sure if I am fertile. But based on the fertility calendar I am…and he ejaculated in me.. and my due is on the 18th…
Do you think I’m pregnant? Well, I hope I am… 😉 But I don’t like to expect or something because I am not sure of it… Maybe it was just a false alarm, or whatever…
So I just wanted to know if it’s possible… Thank you… :unsure:
This is why I joined the site… ( I am aware this is very long btw lol)
I’m fourteen years old. I have a boyfriend that I love more than anything and I know he feels the same, and I thought I might be pregnant. Please don’t judge me. I don’t smoke or do drugs. I very rarely drink and it’s never behind my parents’ back and I never get drunk. I live alone with my mum and I see my dad on weekends. They haven’t been together since before I was born, although I know it wasn’t because of me coming along… My mum was 29 when she had me and my dad was 30 or 31, I forget, and I know they love me very much. My mum has always been very overprotective and wasn’t happy about me seeing my boyfriend as he is in the year above me. During the summer, she stopped caring because she got a new boyfriend and she just didn’t pay any attention to me as she was so smitten with her new lover, although they only lasted a few months after he treated her badly, ruined our holiday, and she found out he had some strange mental disorders… By this point, I’d had sex with my boyfriend, but we were safe and with us both losing our virginity then, we kinda failed a bit lol.
During the summer holidays, we’d see each other almost everyday and we got closer and closer. He never pressured me into anything. He always respected me and I found we were still doing things together although we didn’t have sex again. I used to lie to my mum and tell her I was going out to the park when I would really sneak round his house. At the time, I didn’t care. I was mad at her for clinging to me and not letting me go out before she got her boyfriend, and then suddenly just dropping me as if I was nothing when she met him. The thought of betraying her almost made me feel even better. I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but at the time, I couldn’t help feeling like that. Although, I must say, the reason I did do stuff with him was because I loved him, not because I wanted to rebel.
A while after she broke up with her boyfriend, she finally started getting used to the idea of me and my boyfriend. She used to let me go round on the condition his mum was in. I agreed, although it didn’t stop me from saying she was in when she wasn’t. He came to mine as well, but my mum would sit upstairs and make me keep my door open so we could never do anything at my house, which is why I tried to go round his more often. It’s not like we were sex-crazed teens or anything. We just liked to have the option there.
Anyway, right at the end of December, either just after Christmas or just before, I was with him at his house. His mum had just gone out, which left us an hour or two alone. We were just messing around like always, but then things went a bit further. We were just in the moment and he put it in for like 10 seconds. We stopped after that, but then we decided to have sex. He said he would pull out and, at the time, neither of us knew about pre-cum and stuff so I agreed and we had sex. Things were fine. I had my period about a week later on the exact day I was due. His birthday was on the 6th of January and, still unaware that pulling out was very unreliable, we made plans to do it again. It was strange, almost like we were meant to. Firstly, I was still on for about two days, and I sat praying I would finish early, which I did, the night before I went round. Two days early. Then when I was there, his mum dragged his little brother out which left us alone. Well, it would have if his older brother hadn’t asked for the night off work and surprised us… Then suddenly, his mam rang and told him to go out and leave us alone. (I reckon she knows what we get up to, but Joel insists that she just trusts him. :P) Anyway… Again, we had sex…
Everything was fine till about 2 days after when I started feeling weird. Not sick or headachy, just weird. I’d told Joel and he came out with
‘OMG! Do you think you might be pregnant?!’
My heart skipped a beat. I seriously started to panic. After that, I started feeling sick and getting really bad gas and heart burn. My stomach started to swell up really big and I felt really tired. The worst was, I had a month to wait till I was due to get my period. I spent that entire month doing nothing but worrying. I researched it so many times, and the more I did, the more worried I got.
At first, abortion crossed my mind, but only slightly. I had a feeling he would be against it. I don’t know why exactly. As time went on, the thought of having the baby got harder and more scary. I told him that I didn’t know if I could cope with it all and he suggested we didn’t have it… At the time, I was so messed up and scared that I agreed. I didn’t even know if there was definitely a baby inside me and I was already making plans to kill it.
I read into it online and found out how long it would take to organize an abortion, how long I had to get it sorted out, and all that stuff… I was seriously worried.
Eventually, I got my period. It was about a day or two shorter than normal and I’d read about how women could still have periods during their pregnancy so I was still unconvinced. I decided to wait for my next period to see if that was normal before doing anything else. As I waited, I started to think about what could have been growing inside me. After thinking a lot, I decided I couldn’t get rid of it. The thought of killing an innocent little baby that had done nothing wrong and deserved a chance at life made me feel sick.
I told him this and he didn’t take it well. He kept saying how he didn’t think we were ready. Of course we weren’t ready! I was 14 and he had just turned 16! What teens that age are ever really ready to have a baby? That wasn’t the point… They still went through with it and brought their little foetus into the world as a full grown baby.
We decided to not talk about it till we knew for certain. My friend’s told me it was best to take a test rather than wait another month so they all came with me and two of them went to the counter and bought it for me. There were two super drug tests and I took one straight after we bought them.
Negative.
I tried not to panic and we shopped while we waited till I could pee again. lol
Right before end of our trip, we went up to the loos again and I took the test.
Again.
Negative.
At first, I felt relieved. But I still had a load of symptoms and again I was panicking like crazy. My stomach was getting even bigger and I found myself turning to God, which is strange for me. I was still convinced I was pregnant and determined I was gonna keep the baby, although he was still against it. We had fallings out and everything started to get awkward. At school, I had a breakdown and also the week before I bought my tests, a rumour went round that I was pregnant, and I had to lie to my teachers to have it stopped. Which was awful because they were really nice teachers that I liked and they kept telling me how they believed me and how sensible I was. The guilt killed me. My head of year even “forgot” to ring my mum to buy me some time, and then lied about seeing another teacher about it so he wouldn’t have to inform my parents cos I was so worried about how my mum would react to the “rumour”.
Anyway… I got my next period again, although I still thought I was pregnant. It normally lasts 5-7 days and this one barely made 4 which made me worried. I ended up talking to my stomach every night. Promising it that I would do whatever I had to to protect it.
A few weeks ago, my friend took me to a clinic. I stayed at hers and we went to Stockton to get things sorted out. When we first got there, I was terrified cos the person that answered the door had a son in my year at school and lived in the same road as my nana ( I was really really close with my nana and was there almost everyday). I ran away from the clinic and my friend ended up dragging me back while I cried. I went and talked to the nurse who assured me that the woman who let me in couldn’t tell anyone without breeching the copyright thing, although tbh, I don’t think she even recognized me lol.
The nurse gave me a cup to pee in and showed me the bathroom. I came back in and she stuck a test in it. While she waited for the results, she asked me some questions. She was very nice and very understanding and I was very glad I’d faced my fear and finally gone. She checked the test and said it was negative, which provided a much better relief than the tests I’d taken as she knew what she was doing and had given me a better test. We then discussed better contraception and things…
Anyway… This is my story and a big thank you to anyone who actually took the time to read it considering how long it is lol
Although I’m not as convinced as I was, there is still a small chance I am, but I feel so much better knowing that I have an adult to speak to now since I’ve signed up with the clinic. Most of my symptoms have cleared up now, which just goes to show how much the mind can play tricks cos I would have bet my life that I was pregnant last month. I strongly advise anyone who’s worried about being pregnant get to a clinic as soon as you can, I know it can be hard, I had to do a lot of planning to find a day I could get away with it, but in the long run, it’s worth it. Having someone who can actually help to talk to can really make a big difference.
I know how scary things can be. Just know that you’re never alone in this, and no matter what, it’s your baby and your body! Listening to advice is fine, but never let anyone force you into anything. Always stick up for yourself. If you want to have the baby, then don’t let anyone force you into abortion. However, if you want to have an abortion and have thought it through, then don’t let anyone tell you you’re a horrible person. Not everyone is in a position to bring up a child and if you feel like you can’t do it, then it’s your choice. Just make sure you think things through first 🙂
Any questions just ask 😉 xxxx Remember…
Love xxx <3
March 1 in the morning, I was at home alone. My husband was at work, my older brother was at work, my father was at work, and my little brother was at school.
I started having horrible pains in my stomach, I didn’t know what it was. I was also having the worst back pain I have ever had in my life. I didn’t think much about it cause on February 26, my doctor had decided to have me start getting induced March 1 at 6:00 p.m. because it didn’t seem like labor was going to start anytime soon. After about an hour of having the pain, it started getting more painful, and more regular. I decided to call my husband at work and ask him what he thought I should do. He told me to call the hospital and ask them what I needed to do. They weren’t much of a help. All they did was tell me to call my doctor.
While on the phone with my doctor, one of the horrible pains hit and I screamed and sat down in the floor, where I had to sit for quiet a while because the pain was horrible. The doctor then told me I needed to go to the hospital because she was pretty sure I was in labor. I called my husband back in a hurry and told him what my doctor had said. He quickly let his boss know and hurried home to get me and take me to the hospital. Finally around 11:00 a.m. , we arrived at the hospital. I was then quickly taken in a wheel chair back to Labor & Delivery. I was put in one of the rooms where they monitored me for an hour. I was hurting so bad I kept screaming.
After an hour, the nurse came in and checked me. I was still only dilated to one. But they didn’t let me go home till my midwife saw me. When she came and saw me, I told her I have been leaking this pinkish clear fluid for over a week now and she asked me if anyone in the doctor’s office checked me. I told her “Yes, but not like you did the last time.” She checked me, and told me to cough. Sure enough, a bunch of water went everywhere. My water had been ruptured. My baby boy had even had a bowel movement inside of me. When they told me that, I began to cry because I knew that could cause my sweet baby boy some major problems.
After that, I dilated to three, I laid there in pain for so long. I didn’t want an epidural and my mind was set on not having one. My husband kept telling me I could do it and it would make me feel so great. He supported me so much. My mother, brother, grandmother, aunt, and step-mom all arrived around 2:30 p.m. to support my husband and I and meet our son when he arrived. Around 7:50 p.m. , I was dilated to eight and my baby boy’s heart rate began to drop from where I could not relax because of the pain. The doctor told me the best thing I could do as get an epidural and see if that helps the baby boy. I cried for a few minutes, but decided around 8:40 p.m. it was probably best for my baby boy. Everyone except my husband had to leave the room so they could do my epidural. My husband stood in front of me and held me to comfort me. It made me feel completely great that my husband as being there for me like no one before. The epidural wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be. It made me feel really good and after I got it, I didn’t scream from the pain anymore. About ten minutes after my epidural, my family was able to come back into my room. Around 10:15 p.m. , I started feeling a lot of pressure. The doctor came in and told me it was time to push, so I pushed till about 11:40 p.m. . Still no baby boy. The doctor came in and he told me that my body was too small to push him out, plus he was face up. At that point I just had to cry before they took me back for a c-section. It didn’t take long after my husband and I got into the c-section room. March 2 at 12:09 a.m. , my husband and I heard the most beautiful cry ever.
Our son had arrived healthy and safely. He was 8 lbs. , 11 oz, and 20 in long. I couldn’t believe that our beautiful baby had just arrived, and came out of me. It was the most amazing moment of my life. Although I had to have a c-section, and now can barely do anything for myself, I am so happy to have our beautiful baby here with us. I also suffered from an infection inside of me because my water had been ruptured for over a week. But it was all worth it for our son is completely healthy and doing fantastic.
