feeling alone and judged.

I was a senior in high school and dating my best friend. In December, the condom broke and I got pregnant. I decided to keep my baby. My senior year, unfortunately, was no fun at all. I was responsible for a new life. I was excited and scared, all at the same time. My baby was born on September 6, two days before her E.D.D. She was in perfect health, 8 lbs. 12 oz. I love my baby Lily.

I’m 18 now, and she is seven months old. Her dad and I are still together and doing great. I work 40-hour weeks at a daycare with my baby and go to college full-time as well. So does her dad. We are doing our best for our baby girl. Everything she has, we buy. We don’t ask for help. We can do this on our own.

I love taking my baby out and spending time with her. But I hate the looks I get. Everywhere I go, people take one look at her and then at me and just shake their heads. They don’t know my situation. I’m sure they think that I am a slacker teen who is irresponsible and relying on others for my baby.

My friends left me as soon as we graduated. Sure, there is the occasional Facebook message, but really…. I have no one except my baby and my boyfriend. I love them both so much. But it really isn’t the same as having girlfriends to hang out with. I don’t know any other people who are in a situation like mine… and I would like to make friends who are teen moms.

I just feel so alone without people to talk to about girl stuff.

My story

So, I am not a big blogger, but here it goes.

I am missing my two-year-old son so much.

I got pregnant at the age of fourteen and found out 9 days before my 15 birthday. I had him in September 24. His name is Ja’ziah. I had him while living in a home for young mothers. I stayed there until he was 3 months then he went on a temporary placement due to my lack of stability at my mother’s home. Now let me tell you she is an alcoholic. I went back to that home when he was 6 months then stayed again until he was a little over one. We tried to move in with my mom, but her drinking was so bad he got stressed because I was stressed and Daddy couldn’t be around because my mom had placed a protection from abuse order on him. So he was pounding his head off of walls, his crib, the floor, the bathtub, my goodness. That’s when I decided he needed a better home. So his auntie took him for a while then these wonderful people came into the picture and wanted to adopt him. His adoption has been finalized for about 1.5 months now. I miss him. I only get a picture here and there. He’s so big now. Talks a mile a minute I guess. His auntie still sees him, but I don’t and it hurts that it was supposed to be a open adoption! I can’t help, but to cry and ramble.

Please forgive me as I am new to this. Thanks

My Pregnancy/Birth Experience

I got pregnant when I was 17 by a guy I hardly knew.  Two weeks after I found out about my baby, he left and I haven’t seen him since.

I eventually started dating a wonderful guy when I was 4 months pregnant. We were together for a year, then things unfortunately didn’t work out. My pregnancy was full of tears, doubt, joy, and fear. My parents wanted me to get an abortion “to help my future because I was setting myself up for failure by having a baby.” I researched all my options. I looked at the abortion clinic websites and every time I opened it, I felt sick and knew that wasn’t right for me. I then researched adoption profiles on the Bethany website, but just knew that wasn’t right for me either. So I knew that God intended me to keep this baby because she needed her mommy as much as her mommy needed her!

I had my daughter Cadence on July 31st. She weighed 6 lbs. 5 oz. She is eight months old now and recently learned to crawl. She is saying baba, mama, dada and said Hi once! Everytime she smiles, I can’t help but smile too! She makes every day worth living! It amazes me that this little person is completely dependent on me for her very life! When she holds my hand, I feel like nothing can ever go wrong! I have a living angel in my arms every night and thank God that she is here with me! I don’t know where I’d be without her!

Oh and by the way! I finished school and graduated before my graduating class did! My daughter gave me more motivation that anyone ever could! I will be attending college next winter and studying to become a biotechnology technician! So there’s to everyone that told me I couldn’t do it! There’s to everyone who said I was going to fail in life and there’s to everyone who judged me and every other young mother just for having a blessing! Just because I had a baby doesn’t mean I’m stupid!

Anyways, enough ranting for tonight!

Goodnight!
Love

My hope is restored!

Just before Easter, an amazing thing happened.

I lost my baby to abortion many years ago.  The father and I had a brief romance and afterward became friends. I never told him about the pregnancy, and for years, I felt a terrible guilt.  Of course, I felt guilty for my own decision, but I also felt bad that I never gave him the chance to convince me otherwise.  I just assumed, and acted on that assumption. I moved away from where I lived and lost contact with him for many years. I always wondered if we’d ever meet again. I’ve prayed often over the years for healing and for peace of mind.

Well, long story short, we’ve become acquainted again! It’s so amazing! Even though we will never revisit the relationship we once had, we now have the chance to become friends again. I can’t describe how healing it is, just to have this chance. I have often fantasized about a time machine, that I would have a second chance to do things differently.  (Two of my favorite stories are “A Christmas Carol” and “It’s a Wonderful Life.”)  I feel that although God wasn’t about to give me a handy time machine, this meeting has given me the equivalent of a second chance. For the first time, I was able to talk to my unborn child in heaven. I usually just talk to God and tell him to tell her I’m sorry.  But I was finally able to say, “Baby, I found your daddy.” I hope that I can make her proud of me. I want her to know that she didn’t die in vain. I repented of my selfishness. I don’t know if I can ever do enough to make up for the past, but I try. There is hope after the fact.   Painful as it is, life does go on, and sometimes God says, “Well, let me give you this little nugget of goodness and see what you do with it.”

Thank you, God.

idk…so confused….

Okay, I have just this one quiz,

Could you still be prego and have your period?? Cuz when my sis was prego with her baby, she had her normal periods… Okay. Last week, I started my period but it isn’t the usual period. I started very early than the rest of the time… But this time, I had really bad cramps… But it was heavy the first day. Then the next day, it came out very light, like spotting…. And I don’t know, I’m scared… I know I’m a very young girl, but for realz, I do want a baby… Me and my boyfriend have already talked it out. We even talked it out with his mom and she said that it is up to us…. I don’t know why I want a baby so badly, but I just do… But the funny thing is that me and my boyfriend always do it unprotected and I have never gotten prego… But my sis only did it once unprotected and she got prego right away… Is something wrong with me or him? All I know is that I want to be prego… Me and my boyfriend want to have a family…. I know we are young but we know what we are doing… So I’m hoping I am prego. If not, we will talk about trying it…

Just need some good advice from someone… I need help… = )

Scared for myself!

So about a month ago, me and my really good friend “hooked up”, if you wanna call it that…

I’m scared… I really like him. He says he really likes me. I’m scared, I don’t know. I don’t wanna let someone into my life again and get hurt… I’m so scared. It’s happened too many times. But that day, we had sex, and well, the condom fell off… Me and his mom are going in to get me tested… He and his mom really want the baby, but I’m too scared to tell my mom, who is bipolar, and stepdad, who is an alcoholic… Right now, my really good friend is in rehab for 4 months… I talked to him for the 1st time last night… I get to talk to him tonight, YAYYYY. But I’m scared this whole thing will ruin our friendship…

What do I do on all of this?!?!?!?! HELP