Four years ago, Lauren came home from college for the weekend with an excruciating announcement to tell her parents. By the time she was packing up to head back to her dorm room, though, the right moment still hadn’t presented itself.
Time was running out, and Lauren wasn’t going to be able to hide the truth much longer.
With a four-hour drive ahead of her and short on daylight, Lauren’s mother urged her to get on the road. Finally, Lauren sat down on the floor, took a deep breath, and broke the news.
Midway through her second year of college, Lauren was pregnant. With twins.
“I felt like when I was little, you know, when you lied about something and they know you’ve lied, so you’ve eventually got to admit it,” Lauren said. “All I could hear was my heart beat at that point. So I finally blurted it out and she just looked at me and hugged me. And then she said, ‘Okay, you’ve got to tell your dad.’”
Adjusting to a New Reality
Growing up in a prominent family of a large church in the Bible Belt, Lauren had never pictured herself having that conversation with her parents. What started out with a feeling of dread, however, turned to relief over time as the family began to process their new reality together.
On her drive back to school, Lauren made two phone calls to tell her grandparents on both sides—both grandmothers had the same reaction: “Oh, Lauren”—so by the time she arrived back at campus, the major players were all in the know.
Now all she had left to do was follow through with a workload that included 18 units of undergraduate work, 25 hours a week on campus in the admissions department and 35 hours a week on her feet at Texas Roadhouse.
That, and adjust to life as a single mother with a high-risk pregnancy that would land her in the emergency room just a few weeks after she told her parents they were soon to become grandparents.
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“I just holed up the rest of that year,” Lauren said. “I told a couple of my really close friends, an I started showing way sooner than what a normal person would, so it became harder to hide. I never talked to people about it, and sort of made a wall, so nobody ever asked me or confronted me about it.”
After wrapping up her spring semester, Lauren—a straight-A student who started her collegiate career as a sophomore—transferred to a college in her hometown and moved in with her parents during last few weeks of her pregnancy.
By the time her two sons, Christian and Caden, arrived in mid-summer—a month ahead of schedule and both under five pounds—Lauren was so immersed in her studies that she brought her schoolwork with her to the hospital during the first month the boys were outside the womb, at the hospital NICU.
“They were there to basically try to learn how to eat,” Lauren said. “That was a brutal month, just going back and forth. Because of the pain medication I was on, I wasn’t allowed to drive yet, but I was there every day.”
Paying it Forward
When Lauren told them she was pregnant, one of the first calls her parents made was to her great uncle, David, who had been a key financial and visionary supporter of a pregnancy center in her hometown since 2000.
Today, when he’s not bragging up his status as the boys’ favorite uncle to the rest of the family, David relishes every moment with his 3-year-old nephews, driving them around his farm and introducing them to his stock of cattle.
“Our entire family loves these little boys are we are so grateful they received the gift of life,” David said. “We are so proud to be supporters of the pregnancy center and appreciate the way they helped Lauren through a difficult time. Our entire family has been blessed by the work of this organization and we look to the future as we watch the boys mature into great young men.”
Lauren knew her parents would be in her corner as a single mother, and they have been nothing but supportive of their daughter and grandsons, providing them a home for the first year-plus of the boys’ lives while Lauren finished school, began her career, and launched a floral business she has run out of her home ever since.
Moving back to her hometown, Lauren took advantage of the pregnancy center’s parenting classes, and the center’s executive director was one of the first visitors to come congratulate her while she was recovering in the hospital.
Though it wasn’t her first experience at a pregnancy center—she had gone to a location near campus to get a free ultrasound early in her pregnancy—the help Lauren found at the center her uncle had helped build has gone a long way toward her becoming the mom she is today.
“It was great just to have somewhere to go where other people were going through the same things that you were,” Lauren said. “They understood the emotional state I was in, and they always made a point to make me feel loved and not shameful or judged. They just always, genuinely, 100 percent meant what they said, and that was very rare for me at that point in my life.
“They just thoroughly radiated care for me and the love of Christ.”
Celebrating Life and Courage
Lauren’s journey to motherhood hasn’t been an easy one, particularly in a small town and home church where any glance can be interpreted in a negative light. Noticing a pattern of strangers peeking at her ring finger while she was pregnant, for instance, Lauren resorted to wearing a fake wedding ring out in public.
“It’s not so much the spoken word as the unspoken word—people’s body language and the way they look at you when they think you’re not looking,” Lauren said. “When you’re already so hyper-sensitive to that fact you’ve got a yoga ball sticking out in front of you with no wedding ring on, you notice the stares.”
Though she’s a natural optimist and was treated with love and acceptance by her family, as well as many in her church and community, Lauren said she wishes more of her peers and fellow church members would have been more vocal in their support of her during her pregnancy.
This side of her rather public unexpected pregnancy, Lauren has been contacted by friends and acquaintances looking for advice and help either for themselves or for the women in their lives who are battling through a similar situation.
In each of those encounters, Lauren is quick to point out the need to cherish the lives represented in each pregnancy—planned or unplanned, married or unmarried.
“There’s no way to train a congregation not to stare at someone,” Lauren said. “But we need to celebrate the fact that people are choosing life, and when they do, they’re sacrificing their pride and their ego, and choosing—ultimately, humiliation. Not that it’s humiliating to have a baby, but it’s humiliating to be like, ‘Look what I did wrong. Look at my sin.’
“We need to celebrate those girls who didn’t get an abortion. They didn’t choose to take the easy way out, the quick fix. They made that decision to follow through, whether that means adoption or to raise the child on their own.”
[Resource from: https://pregnancyhelpnews.com/proud-mom-of-twins-lauren-rejected-the-easy-way-out]
Hello, everyone. I found this site and I wanted to share my story just in case it might be of use to someone.
I was a “victim” of an unexpected pregnancy, but my situation was quite a bit different. I’ll tell you why.
I was in a terrible marriage. My husband was incredibly verbally abusive and, at times, physically abusive. He already had a woman that he was “engaged” to and was going to leave me for and marry, supposedly. For this reason, I chose to seek out my own separate partner and was successful in doing so. So like my husband, I had a spouse and a boyfriend at the same time. I am not defending my actions, especially now in hindsight. But at the time, considering the duress I was under, the companionship of another guy was a welcome distraction.
I got pregnant by my boyfriend the third time we were “together.” I was going crazy. I was crying my eyes out. Thankfully, I was pro-life at the time so abortion was not going to be an option for me; I knew this logically speaking. But my emotions told a different story. I wanted to get to a crisis pregnancy center to take another test and possibly get some information about adoption. I was still crying heavily when I talked to them on the phone. They said to come on in and they would give me another test. I got there and I had calmed down some. The second test gave me the same result. I talked to a very nice lady for a little bit and she did give me a brochure for an adoption agency. She even prayed with me for a little bit before I left.
This began the long and arduous road from conception to adoption for me. I could talk about the process here, but I want this particular post to be relatively short. I chose adoption because
1.) I was getting a divorce soon. I did not want to raise a child without a father if I had any control over that situation at all. I already had one daughter who was 3/4 at the time. I did not want to make things harder for myself than I knew they were going to be.
2.) I was 33 years old at the time of my son’s conception. Some people have children at 35 and they are just fine with that, but that was not my preference – especially without the help of a husband, as I mentioned earlier.
3.) The birth father was not married to the mother of his three girls, so that was not a situation I felt comfortable leaving my child in, if I had anything to do with it. I guess you could say I had very high standards for parenting – even for myself.
My whole point in writing this post for everyone is that being pro-life is for everyone. No matter how terrible the situation, adoption is ALWAYS, ALWAYS an option and it is ALWAYS a better option than abortion, without exception. If you want to know more about the in’s and out’s of adoption as I know it, you can ask me and I’ll answer your questions as best I know how.
Thanks for reading and thanks for being pro-life!
Ashley
*Name changed to protect privacy. For now, anyway.
I’m so new to this that I’m not even sure if I’m doing this right haha. I need some advice. I have a feeling that I’m pregnant, but I’m not sure if I really am or if it’s all in my head.
There have been a few times where I’ve thought I was pregnant, but I wasn’t. Now I fear my body is playing tricks on me… My period has never been on a schedule and comes when it wants, so i’m not sure if I’ve missed it yet. But l know it ended on the 28th last month, and it hasn’t come at all yet this month.
I have noticed a constant headache and nauseous feeling for like 2 weeks now that just doesn’t go away, not even at night. I’ve also been peeing like every 2 hours it seems like. The tests are coming up negative though. And it just feels different this time. My whole body feels different somehow….
Could it just be too early? I’m so confused… Maybe you can help me?
Recently, Nicki Minaj spoke publicly about having an abortion when she was in high school. She describes her abortion experience by saying, it has “haunted me all my life.” She says that when she found out she was pregnant, she felt that she “was going to die” and it was the hardest thing she has ever been through. Her comments are reminiscent of what so many women feel and go through when they find out they are pregnant. Many women speak of feelings of isolation, loneliness, despair, confusion, and sadness.
Moreover, women feel that they are the only ones in the world who feel this way. The reality, however, is that no matter what your particular situation is, there is someone who has also been there and gotten through it.
In her disclosure about her abortion experience, Nicki says that she was in high school and the father of her child was much older than her. Surely, she felt feelings of shame, fear, and maybe abandonment. Feelings such as these are not uncommon and, in fact, it is these feelings that often contribute to making an abortion decision. It is understandable to want to try to avoid those very negative emotions and have an abortion as a means of escaping it. An abortion will, in fact, take away feelings of shame, fear, abandonment, etc.; however, it commonly just exchanges them for feelings of guilt, regret, sadness, loss, and what Nicki describes as feeling “haunted” by her abortion.
It is very common to believe that having an abortion will make you “un-pregnant,” and you will go back to being who you were before you were pregnant. The truth, however, is that being un-pregnant is not possible. Yes, you may no longer have your baby, but there are oftentimes many feelings of loss and sadness that some women are left to work though. It is false to believe that having an abortion will not be a life changing decision.
But there is hope. if you have already had an abortion, you don’t need to continue having feelings follow you from your abortion. You can find a post abortion support group in your area, and the best part is that it is totally free and confidential. To find a support group in your area, just go to optionline.org, type in your zip code, and find a pregnancy center that you feel comfortable going to. You can also seek help by seeing a professional counselor in your area.
If you are pregnant right now and are thinking about having an abortion, there is a lot to consider. If you are thinking about abortion so that you will not be alone or because you are afraid to tell people you’re pregnant, abortion may take those feelings away; however, you may be left with even more feelings to struggle through. Many women make a decision for abortion without thinking through the possible long-term effects. Start by making an appointment at a pregnancy center to talk about all of your options. Just go to optionline.org, type in your zip code, and find center that you feel comfortable going to.
It is very brave for Nicki Minaj to talk about her abortion. Being pregnant or having an abortion is not something that has to be a skeleton in the closet. Other people may try to shame you or blame you, but you can be brave too and find safe people to talk about what you are going through.
At 19, I became pregnant by someone I had only known for 3 months or so… When I told him, he automatically said that I should get an abortion. That we weren’t ready and we were too young. Abortion for me had never been an option.
I had been against it for myself and never wanted to go through it. However, this man that I’d known for so little time, I had already felt strongly for. We had spent every day together. So I went to the clinic. This was my first ever pregnancy so I had no idea what to expect. When I finally had the ultrasound, I opted for them to tell me if there was only one or if there were more little blips in there. There were 2. I was so excited and scared, but I knew that before I even left, I wouldn’t be coming back. I told him no and had our twins. He stuck by and when my twins turned 3, I had become pregnant. We were happy, I was ecstatic, and I fell even more in love with him.
One day, a couple weeks after I found out, he came home and the joy was gone and he told me it was bad timing. He promised if I gave up that pregnancy, we would definitely do it when the twins turned 5. I did not want to go through that but the man I loved asked me to do it so I made the appointment and went through with it to make him happy. I knew when our twins turned 5, I would have another chance. That was the worst year of my life. I was so sad and I cried all the time. I hated him and I hated myself. Well our twins were 5 and I had become pregnant again. I had no doubts I’d be able to keep this pregnancy because he promised. When I told him, this was his response. Word for word and all in one breathe: “I would NEVER ask you to go through that again, I seen how much it hurt you and what you went through, but just not right now.” I couldn’t believe it. I was in shock. But the man I loved asked me to do something again so I made the appointment. I went to the appointment and I couldn’t go through with it. When I got in the car, he didn’t understand. It seemed like such a problem that the same day I had him take me back to the clinic.
Outside before I went in, I begged him to please let me keep this one. I asked him, are you sure? He said yes, just not right now. It will be better when the twins turn 7. I went back in and was almost refused but they did the procedure and I left. Now a year later, I decided to take a stand and I took out my birth control and told him I want another baby and there are no if ands or buts about it. Give me a baby or leave. He did not like that very much but I didn’t care. I had wanted a baby since my first abortion and if I could give up something so important to me twice for HIM, he should be able to sacrifice for me. It isn’t like he has to carry the baby or feed the baby. He doesn’t even work so it isn’t like he would have to pick up extra hours to pay for things. I would carry and feed the baby and since I work and support the household I would have to pick up extra hours to pay for things. All I wanted from him was sperm, which I could get anywhere. Finally he said OK. And now 5 months later and still no pregnancy. He has been avoiding having sex on certain days and times of the month. He even pulls out and thinks I don’t know.
The reason I am sharing this story is so that maybe I can save someone from the regret I feel every single day. Not just for having the 2 abortions but for letting him be the deciding factor in my life choices. I am planning on leaving him very soon and moving forward with my life. If a man asks you to do something like this and you don’t want to I encourage you to think about yourself and the fact that he will never know or care about the pain that you will go though. If you do it for anyone do it for yourself because that will make it easier to live with. If I would have done what I wanted and not care if he were to have left or not (which he wouldn’t have) I would most likely have 2 more beautiful kids. Now while I am very blessed to have my twins, I will always have regret and resentment in my heart. There will always be an unfillable void. Please if you do want to go though it there is no judgment here but do it for yourself and no one else. Do not make excuses like I want my kids to have a father or he will love me more if I do this for him. Kids grow up just fine everyday without their dad and I can promise you he won’t. He will own you. Just decide for you and only you. I’ve made this mistake twice now and I would give anything to get at least one back.
If anyone had told me three years ago that, in 2013, I would miscarry with my first child, then have another pregnancy scare, become engaged, and then single. I wouldn’t have believed you.
If you had told me that a month after the one-year anniversary of my miscarriage that I would be with someone who would purposely try to get me pregnant, I never would have believed you.
If you had told me that my long-time best friend and I would start dating four weeks after I adopted a puppy who was born around the same time of my miscarriage, and 1 week after I found 5 abandoned 3-week-old kittens. I would tell you you’re lying.
The reality is, that all happened. On top of that, one of the kittens that I was hand-raising died; there was nothing I could do. The four that live I might have to let back out and let them be wild cats… Though that could mean that they get eaten by someone who can’t afford to buy food.
If all this new “mother” stress wasn’t enough, days before I found the kittens, I was told the job I was guaranteed I no longer had because of someone else. Nothing I had done had caused me to lose my job, and nothing I could do would change that.
So here I am. Raising four 4 week old kittens and a puppy, while trying to finish my University in under 4 years to get home to my best friend in Canada while I’m still in China, and the only thing that is helping me to keep my head above water is that my family is so supportive. They get groceries, pay my bills, and even are paying my schooling.
But because of this I constantly feel guilt, like I’m not enough. Like why bother because ultimately you’re a burden.
To be honest, I think it’s more the kittens that keep me here because if they didn’t see me as their mother, and if my puppy didn’t depend on me like she does, I don’t think I could hold on for so long.
