My life has been far from perfect… I’ve made several mistakes throughout my teenage life that lead me to the position I am in now. I made poor sexual choices that resulted in not only hurting myself but several people around me as well. I dont really know what happened in between then and now, all I can say is that I’ve grown, developed, and learned to make much better descisions with my body and otherwise. 
I am 20 years old, I have a boyfriend of 3 years whom I love, and together we have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl. We had an apartment for about 9 months, but he hasnt worked in over a year and I quit my job in June. We ran out of money and got evicted leaving the 3 of us back at my mothers house.  I’m beyond hurt. I feel like i wasted all my money,time, and energy when I was the only one trying to provide for my family. Now I have poor credit, no savings, no apartment, and I’m about $2,000 in debt.
wanna know the best part to this fairy tale life I lead?

We’re pregnant again.

yup, thats right.. were gunna have another baby… making our 2 children less than 18 months apart.

we’ve agreed that we can barely provide a good lifestyle for our daughter alone and to add another child into the mix would be very unfair for her, let alone an extremely large amount of work for the 2 of us. I’ve always disagreed with abortion and never really spoke to anyone who had an abortion, about their abortion. about an hour ago i read exactly what they do to a woman and he fetus to preform an abortion and frankly it makes me sick. We’ve considered giving the child to a couple in the family that is unable to concieve children.

at this point i truely believe that that is the best choice for the baby.  I know we do not have the resources to care for another child. I know that the people we are considering giving the child to do. what I dont know is..  how are we going to explain this to the kids when they get older? will they spite me for this decsision and say i love one more than the other because i decided to keep them?.. am i wrong if i have another child after this one and decided to keep it?  how am i going to tell my mother that im pregnant, again?

and i understand i am a mother now and things like parties and how i look shouldnt really concern me.. but im still young, i found out i was pregnant with my first child on my 19th birthday (in march) and had the baby in december…  so i couldnt really do anything then.. or for my 20th bday.. so im already getting excited for my 21st b.c its supposedto be a big deal….   but it looks like ill be around 36 weeks pregnant then so no celebration… and i mean.. i gained 60lbs with my first baby…  60 freakin pounds!!!!   i have so many stretch marks on my stomach legs and hips that i looks like a zebra.. i often compare my stomach to that of my grandmothers.. saggy and wrinkly….  and it really… i mean REALLY bothers me.. im 20… yea know.. most 20 year olds look good.. 5’6” 135 lbs like.. i got a nice figure.. but my skin looks terrible and i have love handles…  and i just dont know how im gunna look after i have another baby…
i just got used to not being pregnant… now i have to spend the next 40 weeks , peeing and sleeping and eating and nauseas and going to the doctor and being frikkin huge…then i have to deliver another child!!!    for those of you who have not had a kid yet..  its hard.. its alot of work being pregnant and then you have to deliver a baby and i think its kinda scary and im really nrervous about doing it again so soon.

i guess i just need some support/ motivation….