My unplanned gift

I was 16 when i found out i was pregnant. I went in for a yearly STD test and walked out knowin i had made a mistake. I felt as if my world was crumblin all around me. I wasnt sure what to do. I was out on my own cuz my parents kicked me out. I was so scared. Plus to find out it was my ex boyfriend child. Grnted i love my ex with all my heart i jus couldnt deal with him anymore at the beginin of January i found another boyfriend. And it wasnt the same but it kept me from my ex. But when i found out me and my boyfriend at the time went at it and i went runnin back to Lucas (my ex). I didnt tell him for almost a month later that i was pregnant. A part of me was ashamed i didnt mean for this to happen. When i told him he said he already knew and he made the comment it wasnt his. I knew that statement was commin cuz where i lived there was a girl that had him believin her child was his and well it came to not be. But me and him would get back together on and off we wanted to make things work even though he said until he had a paternity test done he wasnt going to be around. A part of me hurts cuz he dont wanna believe me. But He got locked up at the end of March. I wrote him everyday cuz everyone pretty much gave up on him. I still stood by him. Well when his bail came up i put it up. I was there the day he got out and he completely acted as if i didnt exist. I took him home without a word. That was it for me. Ive tried and tried and i cant deal with the feelin that nothing is ever good enuff. So I went and moved to New York from Virginia. Lucas never thought i would leave him. And honestly he knows he lucked out by gettin me pregnant cuz i wouldve been out the door back in January. I love him with all my heart but i cant wait for him to grow up and see the picture anymore. I didnt know how i was going to handle any of this but now im 23 weeks 1 day. Im havin a little boy and im so happy. Lucas was the last one to know. I jus couldnt find a way to tell him cuz i rally didnt wanna hear him be ignorant on the phone. I dont hate him for leavin me while im pregnant… Im hate him cuz the things he has said . I never deaserved any of this i didnt ask for it. It takin me this long to be happy bout this. I love my unborn child but im so scared cuz im only 17 and i really have no support and its like people look down on me. Im due in September right around Lucas’s 19th birthday and there is no guarentee that after all this waitin and pain .. that he will ever be here and i dont need him but it takes two to make a child. And for some reason its tooooo easy for the guy to walk out. My son was unplanned but by no means is he really a mistake. I jus hope i can give him everything he needs….