I’ve messed up, and now I don’t know what to do..

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      This is going to sound super cliché, and I honestly cannot believe I’ve become that girl..
      A few weeks ago, I drunkenly slept with one of my best friends boyfriends. We’ve always been kind of close, but I never thought anything like this would happen. I didn’t think I was like this and he’s not either. Well, turns out, I’m pregnant with his baby.

      I think I’ve decided I should abort, it seems the best option for me and others. Now, I’ve not definitely made up my mind, but that’s what I’m leading towards. What I’m wondering is do I tell him? Do I tell her? Do I tell anyone? I’ve told another of my best friends who I trust but that’s all. I’m really conflicted on what I should do.. is there anyone who can give me some advice and guide me?


        Hey there NadJ,

        Please take a few minutes and read this and then spend some time seriously thinking it over!

        I know things seem really confusing right now and I my heart is aching for you! Often times we can feel the pressure of other people so much that we change what we know is the right decision for ourselves. Having a baby is a very joyful event and should be looked at with a feeling of joy and love for the upcoming birth of a little baby that you helped to create!! No one should look at the miracle of birth as a disappointment or an end to all of your plans and goals for life. Yes, it is a different path than you might have planned,and it might seem like the end of the world, but it IS NOT!

        This little baby is alive today and will be a wonderful addition in your life! Those that have been down the abortion route say, “Please don’t take this path. Do you see that turn on the path ahead? There is nothing but sorrow, grief, pain, guilt and shame around that corner. There is a feeling of loss like no mother’s heart can know and the reason that there is a turn in that road is because the ONLY way that you will ever understand it or know it is to walk it.” Abortion is not the answer to this situation. I hope you will really think hard about the situation the child that you created that did nothing wrong. You both decided to have sex and the result of sex is making a baby. That is what sexual contact was created for!! So now you have another life that you have created! A child that will look like you and look up to you for love and guidance!

        OK – now that that is said, let me go down the road of your life a little bit. Trust me when I say that the choice of abortion is truly a tragic choice, especially as you learn about the development of your baby in the womb. You will NOT be able to get out of your head, “What did my baby go through? What did my baby look like? What stage was my baby at when I aborted him/her?” Please know that no baby could replace the beautiful baby that is aborted!!

        All of this to say – Do NOT allow yourself to be deceived into believing that you can just go on with your life as if it were normal after abortion. The world of abortion is a world of shame and it is NOT talked about very openly. Ohhh everyone says it legal and it’s OK – but how many girls do you hear talking – in passing saying, “Oh yeah, I had an abortion a couple of days ago. It was a pretty simple procedure.” You might hear a girl talking about getting a piercing or a tattoo! But not an abortion. You know? Why? Because it is a painful, private subject of shame. Especially to those that have done it. There are so many risks involved with an abortion too. There is a HUGE risk of infection and excessive bleeding and scarring. Do you know it could cause infertility and it has been linked to breast cancer??

        There is somewhere that you go and have someone to talk with, process all of the stuff going on and plan for the future for you and your baby. If you go to this link on the internet, it will locate a nearby free and confidential center where you can go and talk all this over with someone and get the positive support you need. Just go to http://www.OptionLine.org and it will help you locate a nearby free and confidential center where you can go and get free and confidential assistance in making some decisions for the future! THEY ARE THERE NOW TO HELP YOU…so please don’t wait! You could also text PREGNANT to 313131 and someone will be there to talk with you 24×7 and help you look at the possibilities for your future! They have access to resources for you like clothing, food, childcare, financial assistance, etc.so you can create a positive future for all of your children, regardless of what their father does or does not do!

        Remember, YOU are the one who decides what happens to you and your baby. YOU are the only one that has to live with the decisions. YOU and YOU ALONE are responsible and mature enough to make positive decisions that you and your baby will benefit from.

        Just because you are looking for an abortion center does NOT mean you have to go in there…listen and listen very closely with all of your heart…the abortion industry is a money making machine…Abortion is a money making procedure that takes advantage of women in fear and crisis…is it not the “pro-choice women’s liberation” people who are out there saying, “Women are STRONG, women are INDEPENDENT, Women are INVINCIBLE, Women have RIGHTS, Women can do ANYTHING they WANT TO and SUCCEED” ! Well, when a woman walks through that door into the abortion clinic you will NEVER hear those words…they tell you that “You will be trapped and doomed into poverty, You will NEVER finish school and have a career, You CAN’T raise children on your own, etc blah blah blah” How can it be both ways? You cannot tell a woman that she is strong and powerful and independent and then turn around and tell her she is weak and pathetic and foolish JUST because she is pregnant. The message of abortion is…You are NOT strong enough to have a baby, You are NOT Independent enough to raise children on minimal support, You are NOT driven or smart enough to finish school with a child, do you want to believe that lie?

        Do not be mistaken, YOUR BABY, is NOT a blob of cells, it is NOT just menstrual tissue like they tell you at those clinics….this is YOUR baby…YOUR child….This baby NEEDS you, You need him/her….You cannot “reschedule” your pregnancy, this is a once in a lifetime life within your womb, this baby is the ONLY human on this planet that will EVER have those finger prints and DNA. This baby can’t and will NEVER be replaced…You could have 20 kids and never end up with this ONE perfectly formed little being that rests safely within you tonight…Hang in there…There is so much help out there…You are NOT alone in this!!!

        If you contact the pregnancy center near you, they can point you to local resources, a good OB/GYN and help you to accumulate ALL that you need to comfortably raise your children, with or without the dad….I am here for you as well and I really hope to hear back from you.

        I hope this has given you a little direction. Take care of yourself and thank you for your e-mail. Remember, I’m only a keystroke away if you want to talk some more. I also know that this little baby will be a blessing to your life…it’s all a matter of perspective and seeing the positives in a situation…and there are SO MANY positives in having a little one.

        Luv, Molly


          HI Nadj,

          How are you? I totally agree with what Molly has just said. You and your child are so precious and unrepeatable. I am here for you to support you and your child. No matter what the world says, know that YOU can CHOOSE LIFE!! And by choosing life for your baby, you will not only save your baby but will also save yourself from the pain and horror of abortion.
          With regard to telling your friend and the father, I would recommend speaking confidentially to a pregnancy support center worker. Molly has provided details of this in her post. Also if you do choose to tell, know that NO ONE CAN PRESSURE YOU INTO HAVING AN ABORTION. No amount of pressure can take away the pain of abortion, the devastating grief it causes.
          Surround yourself with people you know love you and your child and will support you through your pregnancy.
          Here is a great resource I found that also has a HELP link. :

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