Hi, I’m new here

Hi, my name is Mia. I just stumbled across this site and decided right away that I have to join ASAP. This is exactly what I was looking for when I sat down at my computer today. I just need to talk to other girls about what I’m going through and what I’ve been through because I’m not really ready to talk to my family about it just yet. I’ll be glad to hear what you ladies think. So, I am a 23 year old mother of three boys right now, however I first became a mother at the age of 17. I gave birth to all three of these boys by the time I was 21. In between my second and third child however, I did make the horrible decision of having an abortion. My husband and I already had our hands full with the first two boys and couldn’t really imagine how we would manage with another. We went through with the abortion in 2002 and I have never talked about it since. The only ones who know it even happened(until now) was my husband and I. I felt so horrible about it I tried to just push it out of my mind, but I still think about it everyday. Since then I gave birth to another child in 2005, but this last pregnancy was just filled with complications. My son and also myself almost died in the process. To this day I feel that the complications were due to the abortion that I had in the past. Which brings me to my new dilemma. The reason I was even searching for a site like this is because I think that I might be pregnant again, and again I’m not sure what to do about it. My little family and I are just barely making ends meet as it is, I know that at this time we could never support another child. The five of us live in a tiny two bedroom apt. and my husband is the only one working right now while I go to school. We’re really struggling right now and I don’t think we could handle another baby. I’m also really concerned and scared that I would have another pregnancy full of complications. As terrible as I felt the first time, I am seriously thinking that this is the only way. On the other hand, if I am pregnant, it might be the little girl that I’ve always wanted. I don’t know, I just really don’t know what to do right now.