I don't think I will ever forget the 7th April 2008. The akward drive to the clinic, the cold room, the nurse with the sad face. My boyfiend took me to the clinic. We decided together that I should have an abortion. I was 7 weeks pregnant at the time. I was 19, busy studying to be a chef, he was 22. I loved him so much, we even lived together. I believed that it was the best option at the time for both of us.

The day I found out I was pregnant, I sat in the bathroom crying, my boyfriend came in and I showed him the pregnancy test. It was one of those moments where all seems unreal at the time.

The abortion itself was terrible. Firstly you get 2 pills, the 2 days later you take 4 more pills. Thats when the pain starts. Cramps, nausia, fever, bleeding, not beeing able to eat, not to mention the guilt. I stayed in bed for 8 days, not seeing anyone but my boyfiend.

When I went back to the clinic for my check-up and found out I was no longer pregnant, I was so relieved and forgot about the abortion. It took about 2 days to come back, the guilt, constant crying, sleepless nights…

I am not with my boyfriend anymore, I sometimes believe it is because we never spoke about the abortion afterwards and maybe I was blaming him for some of my pain. What I also never told him is that deep inside me I wanted the baby, I even got her a name, imagined how she would look, etc.

I have only told 2 close friends about my abortion, not even my parents. Sometimes I want to tell my mom or my sister, but I just can't. It also seems weird to talk to my friends about it.

I would love to hear from some of you on how to handle these feelings.

Love Alice *