Dear, julie.

Thank you for getting back at me, and thanks for your advice. I know my mom can’t make me do something that i dont want to. But at this point shes making me think that, like its my choice what i do .. because it will only change my life. But no one understands what i’ve been through in my life, that explains shes wasn’t ecacially the good parent to look up to. And no one understands how she is. Im more scared of her then ne thing, and what she will say and do. If i tell her that i wanted to keep the baby, i dotn know what she would do/or say. I love my mom and i would never disrespect her, its just i dont know how to talk to her ..

Hi my name is brittany im 14 years old and im pregnet, im almost 2 months, and im being forced to have an abortion. My mom has had 2, and she just thinks its fine.. im starting to think she brain washed me. cuz i dont really know or even thought about my choice every 1 is tellin me not TO GET AN ABORTION. im just soo0o scared and going crazy cuz i just dont know what to do ne more. i have an appointment next wed for the abortion. people tell me its the worst thing ever and im going to regret it with my whole life. could you please help me/??

Dear Brittany,

I’m Julie from Standupgirl.com. I know there is a lot of noise in your life right now! You have to step back and find your own voice.

Your Mom can’t force you to have an abortion – you have to make your own choice and only you can agree to have one. Your mom can get mad at you, but she can’t make you do this!

I think your mom is unusual in saying it was fine to have abortions. Most of the people I’ve talked to who have had them really regret their choice to abort. They feel horrible emotional pain and many are trying to get pregnant again to ‘replace’ the child they terminated. There is something in a mother’s heart that tells them to protect their children…and when they don’t do it, they feel they’ve betrayed themselves, as well as their children. It is worth listening to them. You can find many of their stories on standupgirl.com.

You can go to http://www.pregnancy.org/pregnancy/fetaldevelopment1.php to see pictures of what your baby looks like now – 2 months is 8 weeks along.

I know it is hard to think about raising a child at your age. But it is possible. You can find help through your local pregnancy resource center. To find one, go to http://www.optionline.org/advantage.asp or call 1-800-395-HELP.

Adoption could also be a good option – yes, it is hard to say goodbye to your baby. But with today’s open adoptions, you can agree to some form of contact over the years so you can watch your child grow up from a distance. It is hard, yes. But those who choose it for the right reasons are usually happy with that choice.

I hope this has helped a little, and I’m here if you want to talk more.

love, julie

Dear, julie.

Thank you for getting back at me, and thanks for your advice. I know my mom can’t make me do something that i dont want to. But at this point shes making me think that, like its my choice what i do .. because it will only change my life. But no one understands what i’ve been through in my life, that explains shes wasn’t ecacially the good parent to look up to. And no one understands how she is. Im more scared of her then ne thing, and what she will say and do. If i tell her that i wanted to keep the baby, i dotn know what she would do/or say. I love my mom and i would never disrespect her, its just i dont know how to talk to her .. with out her taking control and arguing first. and she tells me the abortion is nothing, the baby is so small its not really something that could be a baby yet. and she tells me it wont be emotional, or it wont hurt. But everything she tells me i think its a lie just so i will go through with it.

thank you for your time. And im glad your giving me advice julie

Dear Brittany,

I know it is really hard to think about disappointing our moms – part of the struggle between mothers and daughters is the our desire to please our moms, pitted against the desire to have a separate identity. It is hard. And while you’d like her support and approval, you can’t make your choices based on her desires. She’s already made her choices about her life and children’s. Now it is your turn. And you have to make them based on your heart, not on what she might say or do. She might end up supportive – she might not. But you can’t expect to be pleased with a decision you let her make about your life.

In my experience, women who have had abortions fall into two groups. One group will defend their decision simply because they already made it – they are the kind of women who always need to be right. So if they did something, it must have been right. The other group is honest about their emotions and experiences. And they usually feel they made the wrong choice, and the grieve deeply. I don’t know your mother, but I have heard from plenty of people that abortions do hurt. And although the baby is small, it is already amazingly detailed.

If you choose to have this baby, you will need to grow up quickly. You’ll have to give up aspects of your youth and do what is best for your child. It will be hard. But it will also give you great joy.
Keep me posted, o.k? And I’m going to give you the e-mail addresses for two of my friends. Lisa () has had two abortions. She would be more than happy to tell you about her experiences. And Rachel () had her daughter at 16, and has done a great job raising her. She would also be happy to tell you about her choice.

love, julie

But how do i figure out what i want, and how it will be a good thing for me?? And how do i tell my mom what i want. Thank you for you advice its really good, and it made me think…..

Dear Brittany,

There are no easy answers to these questions! But you have to have space to think and examine your priorities and values. I’ve often found that if I write out everything I’m feeling -all the confusing, contradictory stuff it makes me feel better. And then, if I go back later and read it, or ask a friend to read it, we can hear the real me talking. It might be worth a try.

Just please remember that, if you have an abortion, it is done and cannot be changed. But if you decide to parent or place for adoption, you have many months to choose between those two options.

As for telling your mom, it might be easiest to write her a letter. That way you can take your time to say what you really feel and believe. You should be there when she reads it (shows courage and responsibility) but at least her reaction won’t cause you to forget something you want to say – it is already on paper.

love, julie

Thank you for all your time and advice, now i had the guts to tell my grandma that i was pregnet and my mom was making me get an abortion. She didnt agree with that, the next day she showed up with my whole family telling.. her it wasn’t a good i dea and how could she ingore her grandchild like that.

so im having it!! its a new start, and im scared. But will take the sacorfisists

Dear Brittany,

I’m wondering if we’d be able to post your story on the website – let me know if you’d be o.k. with that! Hope things are still going well for you. I’m really proud of you.

love,julie

yeah you can, Its just that i dont know how im suppose to get what my babyneeds. Im trying so hard to get a job. Its not that I wont support mybaby, Theres where my family comes in. But i wanna feel like i did it on my own. And i can prove to my mom. My mom is just diffrent from other moms. She just doesn’t wanna be happy, shes had so many abortions because no ones ever told her it was wrong. And she never lost her virgitiy on her own. Her dad did that forcefully on his own. And my dad was drunk and touched me. thats why she just doesn’t wanna trust any guy. Or even have me to.

Im glad you’ve helped me.