Dear Becky — When I was 15 I was so in love with my boyfriend Destin. We were almost completely inseparable. We did everything together from laying on the grass in the park staring at the sky to staying up late at each other’s houses and watch movies. We would always hold each other, cuddle, and kiss but hadn’t had sex. I was a virgin and he respected that and never pressured me into it.
One night when I was at his house for one of our “movie nights” he was kissing me and holding me and I knew at that point, I was ready. If anyone I wanted to lose my virginity to him so by the end of that night i was no longer a virgin but that was also the night my life wouldn’t be the same…
When I was 15 I was so in love with my boyfriend Destin. We were almost completely inseparable. We did everything together from laying on the grass in the park staring at the sky to staying up late at each other’s houses and watch movies. We would always hold each other, cuddle, and kiss but hadn’t had sex. I was a virgin and he respected that and never pressured me into it.
One night when I was at his house for one of our “movie nights” he was kissing me and holding me and I knew at that point, I was ready. If anyone I wanted to lose my virginity to him so by the end of that night i was no longer a virgin but that was also the night my life wouldnt be the same…
Three weeks after that special night with Destin and I, I started having really weird feelings and I didn’t get my period when I was supposed to. I asked my friend whom had a baby already if she could give me advice on figuring out if I’m pregnant and what to do. She helped me to buy a pregnancy test. I was so nervous I nearly fainted!
As soon as I got home I rushed to the bathroom and took the test. As I waited I just knew what the result would be and tears came rushing uncontrollably out of my eyes. I was so scared. 15 and pregnant? How could this be? How could this happen? Why me???
I knew I had to tell Destin. I wanted to tell him before I told anyone so I thought of the perfect time to tell him. When I finally got it out he did nothing but sat there and stared at nothing. I just kept looking at him with hope he wouldn’t go into a rage or anything. He must have sensed my fear because at that moment he looked at me with those brilliant eyes I admired so much and told me everything would be alright then held me tightly.
Later that day we got all of our parents together to break the news to them. We thought it would be better to tell them all at the same time so we did. My parents reacted as if I was a complete whore and completely disowned me. His parents on the other hand was very accepting to the news. After what went down with my parents, they willingly took me in because I had no place else to go.
The day of my first ultrasound finally came. I was excited and couldn’t wait to see the little one growing inside me for the first time. When the doctor pointed out the heartbeat to me I cried. I didn’t know though if it was tears of joy or tears of fear..I think a little of both.
With the way Destin was supporting me and his parents supporting us I knew everything would be ok. I would have our little girl and everything would be great she would grow up to be a beautiful happy girl. I was so confident everything would be ok.
At 1:03pm when I was eight months, my water broke. Destin and his mother rushed me to the hospital. I was so scared with all the pain and everything. In the hospital room as I was pushing her out and I kept crying out “It’s too early!” Finally I heard screams and looked at the doctor and there in his arms was our little girl. I was crying tears of joy when I saw her. Suddenly in a flash, her cries stopped abruptly and the doctor and nurses rushed her away. I started screaming some more wanting to know what was wrong with my baby.
After three hours of worrying, crying, and wondering why i couldn’t see my baby, the doctor came in to my room. My little Star was no longer here. I cried and cried. The fact that I didn’t get to meet her, hold her, feel her, kiss her, or hug her is what hit me hard. I wanted so badly to just die so I could be with her. Destin took it as hard as I did. We both had no idea what to do with ourselves at that point.
I sat in my room and cried for a month. I wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. I barely ate, talked, or anything. All I wanted was Star to come back.
When I finally got around again seeing everyone with their babies and looking so happy made things so much more worse. I wanted that so badly. But I knew even if she wasn’t here physically, she was still here.
I am now 18 and Destin and I have had another little girl named Farah who is now 2 and we have another baby on the way. Farah knows she had a big sister and as she and the other baby gets older they will know all about her and know they have a sister in heaven watching over them whom they will meet someday.
To all of you girls who have went through similar things as I have… stay strong. Even if they aren’t here physically… they are still here with you each and every day!
In loving memory of
Star Farah
Oct. 23, 2003-Oct. 23, 2003
I cant tell you how sad this made me feel.
This story,, my friend went through the same thing, and i know how hard it is.
Some people dont have the courage to do this, they would stay upset forever, and do nothing,, but you moved onn, and the way you handled it i think is amazing. I know if i were in that situation my mom would do the same:sad:
Good luck with everything,, I look up to you
Anna Sue.
you are so brave , i cried and cried because i really thought i was pregnant i had lots of the signs for weeks i even thought my belly had got bigger … that was just a few days ago, my boyfriend ollie was just as supportive we both broke in tears for a bit but we knew wed get by , then yesterday i came on my preiod and i still feel pregnant but i know im not and im so devastated, im only 16 but it felt so right and now i just want to cry all the time , i just wish i could be pregnant! i really admire you how you coped because i am breaking down because of this. and what also breaks my heart is knowing that my boy wont want a baby for years as he thinks it is for the best im not preg, although he got the used to the idea that he could be a daddy. your story really touched me and good luck for the future xxx
my name is shelby i'm 15 and pregnant i'm so scared something is going to go wrong i'm bout 8 months now and the doctor has done told me i may not make it to the whole 9 months. It scares me that i could go into labor early cause more things could happen. I'm so sorry for your lost it happen to my grandparents with there first child. I am happy you didn't give up on being a parent and i hope if somehting happens i'll have the same strength
Wow! That's amazing! I'm so sorry that you had to go through that though! I'm pregnant and I cna't even being to imagine having to go through that. Having a miscarriage before this was hard enough for me. I would've wanted to die in your place. Good for you though. I'm glad you're gonna tell you kids about their big sister.
wow. that is amazing. I'm eighteen, and i have kids, but i couldn't have gone through what you went through. good on you.
well sis i'm 36 and i need to say GIRL your story made me cry. you're very mature for your age and very strong
that's why God bless you & Destin not with one but with two more little angels congratulation & God bless you & your family.
you are an amazing woman to be able to do that!! thanx 4 sharing your story, it gives hope and inspiration to all! take care
That story was very touching and emotional, ur strong i dnt know if i could do it, the best of luck in everything you do… god bless
Wow…this story made me cry. I am 13 and I have a baby girl named Chloe and at first I was so scared, but now I know how forunate I am to have her.
hi. My name is Stephannii.
i love your story. i read it to my boyfriend and he broke out into tears. it also made me cry. im 1 month 2 days pregnant. and i wanna keep my baby now thanks to you. your story inspired me alot 🙂
thank you . and good luck.
OMG Im soo sorry!!!
Im sorry for what you went through. I lost my lil grl when she was 5 days old and i know just the feeling. I wish that upon nobody, but im glad u found happiness. good luck in the future and with this baby
i went thur the same thing and my baby is now gone and a part of me wants to be with her and live happly but iknow my babys in a better place.
wow.. I cant imagine how much you went through. I really admire you. For having another child after Star Farah, and being pregnant at the moment. I'm 17years old, and 29weeks pregnant…and I really dont know how I would of handled your situation. But congrats on your little girl and the baby on the way!
i am sorry to hear that my gf is pregg to but were olny 13 any one out there that can give me advice
Girl i'm so so sorry … I am 15 and pregnant I pray everyday that my baby makes it. but congrats on your family you got now …..
xxxxx
Shelby
i really kno how u feel
GIRL CONGRATS ON UR OTHER BABIES!…BUT SAD TO HEAR WAT HAPPENED TO STAR!..EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON!..MAY GOD BLESS…AND KEEP UP THAT FAITH..U HAVE ALOT GOING FOR U…
Hey Girl Im So So Sorry. I lost a baby to but before it was born that was hard on me and my boyfriend but not as hard as yours cause you had your baby then theytook it away always remember that she is allways with you and loves you so very much.
Hey This story was really really touching to me, i was so into your story. And i wish you the best for everything you put your mind to. i can see all the pain you went threw. And im happy that you stay'd strong and that you was brave. && i admire you so much
i read your story and it touched my heart. i have three kids and i have my fourth on the way. god bless you and your family. stay stong and your family is in my prayers.
That is a very sad story ,just keep your head up.They say everything has its own reason why its happening but sometimes its hard to accept that.You will never know what the future hold for you.Maybe its for a good reason.Stay strong
That was an touching story I cried when I read your story may god bless you and god haves your little one in an better place.My prays are with you and your family Take care.
oh my gosh you are so brave. i really admire you for your bravery
Oh my gosh, that is so heart breaking, i cant stop crying.
im so sorry you had to experience that, Your Star, Your child.
You and Destin and destined for each other.
i hope everything goes well for you and your family.
xo
wow. that is a really touching story. u r an incredible person. i went through something lyk u did n no how u feel.
i wish u the best for tha future.
lov katie xxx
I cried when i heard your story! You are such a brave girl. You coped amazingly, your a real inspiration! Well done for overcoming everything you have and good luck for you and your families future!
Its nice that he didn't dumped you because of your pregnancy because some guys could be ****** about that…and its good his parents supported and helped both of you…
WOW! that touched me hard
God bless you and Star
I hope that your family survives anything. you and destin are very strong and your kids will look up to that and be thankful to have you guys as parents.
God bless
Tashyna
wowwwww that was a touching story i mean really . i dont have kids i am 2222 young i am only 14. so i cant say i kno how u feel cause i dont but i can really tell how u felt an how u feel 2day u have 2 beatiful kids an god will bless u even kno u made sum mistakes in the past … i have a good men…..
so god luck an god bless u an your lovely kids..
That is freaking awesome that you had that bravery at that age. I'm seventeen, and if I did that, my mom would kick me out of the house too. The best part is that you didn't even consider abortion, just about taking care of yourself and the child. That takes a caring and compassionate heart. And I do feel sorry, when some mothers are dying to have their own children, and might not be able to conceive, or have a miscarriage or stillbirth, while some fertile mothers decide to kill theirs, sometimes shamelessly, and without important reason.
Hi there. I think you've been incredebly strong about everything. I won't say i know what it's like to loose a child, but i know the faitning feeling before yuo take the pregnancy test. Stay strong, hope everything's great with you now. My grandmother always told me that god gives what he thinks you can handle. I believe that you've handled yourself beutifully. Lots of love, ***
wow that story nade me cry Im so sorry to here bout that
i cried as i read that… i admire you so much.
that story is heart breaking.. but its also beautiful.
stay strong.. you are amazing.
xxxx
wow what a very touching story.