Dear Becky —
We were scared and I don’t think we really thought about it. So I made the appointment, and on the day of the appointment, I just rode in the car and looked at my boyfriend, just wanting my boyfriend to tell me, we should rethink this, a baby is a blessing. But …
This last year has been the worst but also the best for me in so many ways… About 10 months ago, my family, who I love with all my heart, found out that I had been sneaking around with a man much older man (now my boyfriend who I live with and love with all my heart) and they decided if I didn’t stop seeing him, I had to move out of their home. They didn’t abandon me or anything, but their religious beliefs helped them make this decision. So I moved in with my boyfriend of a year and we have had a blast. Living with him is everything I hoped to be and I’m even getting hints of him proposing to me, which would be amazing because I know I’ll be with him forever. Well, about 10 months ago, I started feeling sick, dizzy, and just so tired all the time. I found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. My boyfriend put the idea of an abortion in my head, and after I thought about it just kept thinking, “this will make things okay, I’m not ready yet” (I’m 20 years old). We were scared and I don’t think we really thought about it.
So I made the appointment, and on the day of the appointment, I just rode in the car and looked at my boyfriend, just wanting my boyfriend to tell me, we should rethink this, a baby is a blessing. but it never happened. Even two minutes in the room, waiting for the doctor to start, I wanted to scream “STOP! I changed my mind,” but I didn’t, it happened. As we walked out of the building, I made myself so sick to my stomach thinking of what I’ve just done. I cried and cried, and we haven’t talked about it since, but yet, I think about it everyday. It didn’t make things better, it didn’t make me forget, it’s made me have so much anxiety and I make myself sick every time I see someone with a child, or I look at my little brother and sister and think I might not have them if my mom and dad decided to have an abortion.
What I’m trying to say is, I can’t get it out of my head, I’m afraid to tell my boyfriend this is what’s been making me strike out at him and make me angry at him. He knows something’s bothering me…I just can’t bring myself to tell him, or anyone… It’s just in my head eating at me every day I look in the mirror…I feel like such a bad person… I wish it would go away… I made a bad decision…and I hate myself for it. I just needed to get that out, even if this doesn’t get read, I know I tried.
Bell
Dearest Bell,
My name is Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mails. Your e-mail is very important to me and I wanted to make sure that I gave my full attention to this response on your e-mail. I wanted to send you a response because … Well, I’ve also been down that horrible road of abortion. I can’t tell you how sorry that I am for your heartache! I know it is so painful – no words can express it. It is amazing to me that you knew why you are lashing out at your boyfriend. This is really very common – and honestly, Bell, it is truly vital that you express your heart to him. The truth. It is extremely important! Why? Because usually relationships after abortion do not last and if you see this relationship has a future – you need to start with honesty from your heart right now. Today. He needs to know. He needs to know that you wanted protection from him. That you wanted him to take a Stand and quite honestly, that you may even hold him partly responsible. You can put it in a way that is … not blaming him – but by telling him how vulnerable that you were and are right now. How much that you hurt and the loss that you feel inside of your heart. That since he was the closest one to you – that you feel like it has put a hindrance in your relationship and you don’t want that to be. Bell – I have a link to point you to a book called Forgiven and Set Free and it is written by a girl by the name of Linda Cochran. It is an amazing book of healing and freedom. It will bring you through all of these painful emotions and to help you put those feelings away. Anger, bitterness, depression, etc. There are so many – but this workbook is amazing! I would recommend doing 1 chapter a week. There is about 8 chapters … maybe 10. But it’s awesome. I’ll give you a link to help you find the book on e-bay and I can also give you a link where maybe you can find a nearby post abortion group. Please know that when you find other women that have experienced the same things, and you share with one another – there is healing. OK? Just know that I am only a keystroke away – OK? Take care of yourself.
Luv Lisa
Dear Becky — I was seven weeks pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. I considered abortion for about five seconds. I felt I had to protect our baby already!
I went to tell my boyfriend. They had been cooking Garlic something for a family dinner. The minute the aroma reached my nostrils, I was so nauseated I couldn’t stand. We sat for dinner and I took one look at the pasta and ran to the guest bathroom and threw up. This was the lowest moment of my life (until then), sitting on the tile and him rubbing my back. His mother walked in and said, “I will assume this was your fault.” He didn’t reply.
Dear Becky — I have known my boyfriend since before I can remember… We were the kids that are on the black and white cards in the grocery store. Adorable and fated to be with each other. He moved away in fourth grade. He moved back to southern California our freshman year of high school.. We started right where we left off, we were inseparable. He went to the brother school of the all girls Catholic school I went to. We became sexually active not to long afterward … My mother (a devout Catholic) would always infer to be “careful” but never broached the subject of “safe sex” with me, because that was unholy and my body was a vessel for Jesus. I truly didn’t want to burn in hell for our sins (sex) or as the nuns said our fornication.
We stopped having sex. After a football game, a stumbling defense man and an admiring school girl created one of the most precious things known to man. I tried to convince myself that I had missed my period because of stress from my overly competitive school, but one day, it finally clicked. I did the first thing I can remember against my parent’s wishes, I ditched school to go to Planned Parenthood. I was seven weeks pregnant. I didn’t know what to do. I considered abortion for about five seconds. I felt I had to protect our baby already!
I went to tell my boyfriend. They had been cooking Garlic something for a family dinner. The minute the aroma reached my nostrils, I was so nauseated I couldn’t stand. We sat for dinner and I took one look at the pasta and ran to the guest bathroom and threw up. This was the lowest moment of my life (until then), sitting on the tile and him rubbing my back. His mother walked in and said, “I will assume this was your fault.” He didn’t reply.
When I recovered from the nausea, he sat me on his bed and asked me if I was pregnant. Of course I responded with yes, and his expression never wavered. He told me everything would be alright. I told my parents within the next few days. I was too scarred to tell them, they didn’t tolerate unwed mothers, and as hyped Catholics, I was ima! Gaining my parents reaction was going to be good… My boyfriend told them and I sat in the next room on the couch. You could have heard a pin drop, they told him to go home, but he refused. He was worried about me, and spent the night on the floor outside my bedroom (My parents wouldn’t let him sleep with me).
The next morning I dressed in the uniform and walked downstairs like every other morning. This morning was different. Two tall, bald men stood in the kitchen. My parents explained to me this wasn’t tolerated in this house, and I had two options: abortion or a unwed mother’s boarding school. That morning, I packed my bags for my correctional schooling. My parents told everyone I had gone to summer camp early. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to my Boyfriend. When I got there, I was rooming with a girl who had a eating disorder. My boyfriend had no idea where I had gone. He begged my parents to tell me. He eventually told them, if they didn’t tell him where I was, that he would tell the church that I was pregnant. My parents never felt remorseful for sending me away. I was miserable with women who were very sick.. with eating disorders, unplanned pregnancies, drug addictions, and such. My parents went as far as to pick out a couple who lived in New York to adopt my daughter. I flatly refused this. She was my daughter and there was no way in hell I was going to give her up. Come hell or shine, she was my baby, our baby.
After receiving information about where I was, my boyfriend convinced my mother to come get me. My mother arrived when I was eight months pregnant. She said we would strike a deal. I could keep my daughter if I promised to go to college in two years and finish high school. I agreed. The moment I saw my boyfriend, I felt every emotion over the last five months melt. He held me for a long time and just told me to cry. When I was seventeen, I gave birth to my Daughter Kennah Deirdre… The day our daughter was born was the best day. She comes with no sleep, frustration, and she tends to be very expensive, but it was worth it. No matter what our parents think.
My daughter developed a pretty horrible cold a few weeks ago. I gave her Tylenol and other remedies but she couldn’t shake it. Her cough seemed to develop deeper and deeper and became more and more raspy.
I began to worry. My boyfriend said that if she wasn’t better by Sunday, then we would take her to the doctor. She didn’t make it. As of early this week, my daughter was diagnosed with pneumonia. She is on a ventilator and unconscious. She is lifeless, no sparkle in her eyes or rosiness in her cheeks. She can’t even cry, she just moans.
Last week, Kennah was saying Mama and Dada. We began trying to teach her how to walk. She laughed and played with us. She was still our baby. I sit and watch her chest rise and fall, but this isn’t normal and machine is doing it. I touch her face and stroke her arms, but she is clammy and hot. I whisper encouragement and tell her to have strength, but she doesn’t respond. It’s six o clock and my baby, the only thing in the world that depends on me and is my soul responsibility, is slipping away from me, and all I can do is watch.
After all we have been through, after all the trials, I will never see her walk, or walk her up to the first day of kindergarten. I will never take her to brownies. I will never cheer for her in any sports. I will never take pictures of her going to her first high school dance. I will never watch her graduate high school, and I will never help her pick out a white dress for the most important day of her life. I will never tell her how beautiful she is and tell her that he doesn’t deserve her. Never will I do those things unless she fights. How is it I fought so hard to keep her, I went through so much pain to hold her and protect her, but in the end it hadn’t mattered. This joy and blessing that was mine has slowly slipped from my open arms into oblivion. Her joy, smiles, dimples, and knowing look will always be at the back of my mind.
As I sit here and doctors fly in and out to and from all I want to do is push pause. I want to grab her and cradle what little life is left in her fragile body and conjole her to live. How is a life so small mean so much.
Where is the justice in this? What has her life being taken accomplish. I cry and hold my boyfriend and he sits and cries and we mourn our daughter together.
Doctors are telling us there isn’t anything left. They medically can’t do anything. It is in her. So should I fight for her plead with her, but what if she doesn’t fight? Should I be mad that she didn’t fight harder? How is that fair? My poor baby, my sweet angel.
God Bless you, Kennah Deirdre..
Mommy loves you
UPDATE: Kennah Deirdre passed away on Friday 4-4-07. This angel touched your hearts. For only just a while. To teach you what it means to love. And show you how to smile. She could not stay for long. For God soon would call her home. But she left behind these memories. To carry with you when you roam. She taught you though her courage and the strength it took to live. And to see her eyes and smile. Oh, what you wouldn’t give. Now your tears of sorrow fall. But through each tear there is a light. For this end is not goodbye. Its only time till you’ll unite. For one day, the skies will open. And God’s hands, they will unfold.
And your precious baby will await
For your arms to hold. So till then, hold on. Keep her legend in your hearts. And know the journey isn’t done.
It’s only just the start…
Devyn
Dearest Devyn,
I’m Lisa and I help Becky at the Stand Up Girl website with some of her e-mail. I truly had to sit back and get my composure back as I read your e-mail. So descriptive from the beautiful heart of a loving mother … you. I know that your story will touch the heart of – if not hundreds – thousands of girls all over the world!
Devyn – I am so so very very sorry you are experiencing this terrible ordeal right now … but I would also like to share with you.
As I have prayed for you. Jesus is truly very real – and He hears your and my prayers. I’m terribly sorry for your loss and I hope that you can find comfort soon. In the meantime Devyn – will you please let me know how you are? I wish I could give you a great big hug and hug the pain away. But you must go down this trail of life. I’m here any time you’d like to talk. OK?
Much Luv – Lisa
Your life has taken an unexpected turn and it is time to make a new plan! There are probably lots of things on your mind and perhaps it is hard to think clearly because you are afraid and feeling vulnerable. You are a mother and have a little one to take care of now.
The good news is, you can do it! Many other women have found themselves in your situation and have come out of it as stronger women and wonderful mothers. This is going to be a very difficult time for you and the next couple of years raising a toddler will not be easy either. However, if you work through your life a day at a time and make the most important things your priorities, you will not get as overwhelmed.
The most important thing to do right now would be to surround yourself with loving, supportive people. Do not be afraid to reach out! Look around for a young moms group or drop by a local pregnancy center where you can find many resources. Attend groups where you will discuss everything from pregnancy, relationships, nutrition, childbirth, to all the practical aspects of bringing your baby home. You can also find immediate assistance with food vouchers, maternity clothes, baby clothes, prenatal vitamins, baby equipment and much more. People are at the centers to respect your privacy while giving you love and practical support. Trust me, I know this from experience. With my first pregnancy, I spent much time at a local pregnancy center. At first, the idea of dropping in was very intimating and I felt embarrassed that I needed help. Before long, I felt quite at home and was so grateful for all their help.
Once your immediate needs are taken care of, you will be in a better place emotionally to start planning your future. Do not think that just because you are pregnant or have just had a baby that you will not have a future. You could receive grants to go back to school as a single mother and there is also childcare funding available. Ultimately, the best place to go for information regarding education would be to go speak with a financial aid officer at your local college or university. They will be able to connect you with all the resources you need in order to further your education.
Think about marriage long and hard. An important part of your future will be what role the father of your child plays in your life and your child’s life. Marriage can provide mutual aid and support for a lifetime, but keep in mind that unless you build your marriage on a strong foundation, it can fail. If the father of your child refuses to play a role in his child’s life, remember that he cannot escape financial responsibility (which is often why men are so insistent on abortion). You should seek legal advice on this matter (ask at your local town hall for access to free legal advice) and have an order for child support put in place.
Planning your new future can seem overwhelming at times, but do not give up! Day by day, you will work through this. If you are looking for further resources, an excellent website to look up is www.singlemom.com
Never forget, you have the power in you to give your little child and yourself a hopeful future.
The father’s 37? He’s my age and I do understand what you’re going through. People like me have a knack for being stupid at times and getting involved with really young girls who’re innocent (as compared to us) gives a real high. Enough of that. When I remember the fact that there was a time that I didn’t want a child and I lost that child, I really kick myself in the butt. I lost and turned my back on a God-given angel! He may not want the baby now, but it’s really not up to him.
Killing a baby is not something you want to do just to protect the interests of a person who doesn’t want the responsibility. Please do not get the abortion. Trust me, if this man leaves you because of this, you will get over it. If you kill your baby, that will haunt you until you die and though your baby may forgive you, your pain and guilt will always run after you.
One thing most girls make the mistake with is when they think that the best way to keep a man is by always giving him what he wants. Many times though, guys don’t know what they want and especially what they actually need.
A good number of times, what we really are looking for is someone who will stand up for what is right, someone who is strong enough to tell us what is truly important and valuable. If we find that a woman can decipher what is really good and valuable as compared to what is hip and passing, then it may be time to get hitched.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I’m a sinful bastard and I’ve had my share with playing with young girls. What really makes me stick to my wife is that whenever I do something wrong or want to choose something wrong, she points out in a very firm way what is really meaning and actually meaningful to me so that I don’t just go through life living as if nothing is important.
Stand you ground and do what this site says, “Stand Up, Girl”! Show him how valuable his child is by showing him how much you want to keep the baby because it really is the right thing to do. If he can’t see that this is murder or he’s just willing to kill his own baby, then maybe he really isn’t worth it. A man is supposed to lay down his life for his wife and his children and it’s supposed to start now. If you’re able to make him grow up by standing your ground, then you’ve actually done him an incredible favor.
Keep the baby and take heart. You’ve undoubtedly found many girls here who have babies from different fathers who were all dumb enough to turn their backs on their babies. The mothers? They’re having a hard time, but they’re reaping the benefits of having loved truly. They are being loved back and when the time comes, those babies will really show that keeping them was the best idea ever.
Take care, honey. Show that man what’s right.
Erick
Twins appear to kiss in the womb. A twin leans over and kisses the cheek of her sister in a heart-warming picture that would not be out of place in any family home.
Yet these siblings are not even born and the astonishing images have been captured on a new ‘four-dimensional’ ultrasound scan of the womb.
The scans are a highly developed form of traditional ultrasound where very high-frequency sound waves are used to produce images of what is inside the body.
As with older forms of ultrasound, sound waves a emitted from a transducer, or probe, which is placed on the mother’s abdomen and then moved to ‘look at’ areas in the uterus. These sound waves bounce back off the fetus, helping to create a ‘picture’ of the child on a screen.
The new 4D scan uses the same frequency of sound waves as in a normal ultrasound. But the sound waves are directed from many more angles, producing a ‘real-time’ video of the fetus as it moves and allowing scientists to say the images are in four dimensions.
A girl born after just under 22 weeks in the womb – among the shortest gestation periods known for a live birth – will remain in a hospital a few extra days as a precaution, officials said. Amillia Taylor, who weighed less than 10 ounces (283 grams), had been expected to be sent home this week. However, routine tests indicated she was vulnerable to infection, said Dr. Paul Fassbach, who has cared for the baby since shortly after she was born.
“She has been fine,” Fassbach said, but doctors are being extra cautious “now that she’s going into the world.”
