Longing

So it’s been a while and I’ve been through a few ups and downs but I’m fighting strong and WE are strong.

And my longing for a baby hasn’t gone away…

My little girl, Madison.

Wow, time goes by so fast.

It feels like just yesterday I was terrified staring at a plus sign. Now I have my beautiful baby girl, who’s going to be 5 months old. It’s insane how it went so slow. Now that she’s here, time’s passing way too fast. It doesn’t seem like she’s just 4 months old. It feels like she’s always been here. I don’t remember a time in my life that I was as happy, and grateful as I am, right now, in this very moment. She is my everything, just as any mother would say. She brings such a joy to my life, it’s undescribable. She is 4 months, 1 week, and 2 days old. That means 4 months, 1 week, and 2 days since my life turned upside down and made a complete 180, and also that long since I had a good night’s sleep.

I love my daughter more than anyone in the world. =] I just wanted to share.

why god did you take her away from me

My body wouldn’t let my baby survive. How can I let my body survive now?

I was going to give my life to her. Now I have nothing to live for. Now I’m more alone than I have ever been. I miss her. So much. Now, I’m not going to be a mother. I’m not anything and there is no reason for me to stay alive.

She was my last hope of a happy existence.

Could I be?

Well First off, I’m TTC (Trying To Conceive) so this just might be wishful thinking on my behalf.

I started spotting on the 12-13th of May, and then I got my “period” on the 14th, which was pinkish/brownish. That went on till the 18th then it got heavy, and seemed more like my normal period, but it only stayed heavy for 2 days, then went back to being light till the 23-24th.

I’ve never had a period like that. Mine are always heavy for 3-4 days then light, and I always have signs that my period is coming. I got none of them this time.

Now for almost 2 weeks, I’ve had nausea, which comes and goes in waves throughout the day. I can’t stand the smell of red onion or bacon. Sometime last month ( I cant remember the day), I almost fainted in my kitchen but at the time, I put it down to the fact i had the flu.

The nausea has been getting worse the last 3 days.

Last month, I swore I was pregnant. I just had this gut feeling, but I’m not sure if this was because that would’ve been the month I had my baby, if I hadn’t of had a miscarriage.

I took a pregnancy test at the start of last month, which was neg. (though it did have a shadow line! soo annoying :angry: ) and I took another one today, also a neg, but i took it in the afternoon, plus I don’t know if this matters but it was just a really cheap, no name one.

So I ask the question. Can you have a “period” like this and still be pregnant?

I’m trying to get in to see a doctor tomorrow to see what’s going on. Till then, I shall enjoy my ginger ale!

Faith, Strength, and Courage

Hi, I’m a teenage mother.

At the age of 14, I learned I, was 4 months pregnant. My first thought was that it couldn’t be true. But of course, the doctor wasn’t listening. At the time, that was the most devastating thing I had ever heard. My mama was with me when I, found out and her expression was over a million words. And of course, her most famous expression was disappointment. My baby’s father wasn’t anywhere around. He had left town and I was all alone. When he came back, I was six months pregnant and he didn’t believe me. He argued with me and tried to fight me and said my baby wasn’t his. I cried almost every night of my pregnancy and was all alone. My mom wasn’t there for me. She put me down a lot during my pregnancy and talked about me. I guessed it was just her way of dealing with it.

During the whole 9 months of my pregnancy, life was horrible. I had no support group. It was just me and my unborn child. To make a long story shorter, on June 11 at 3:49 p.m. After 12 hours and 49 minutes of labor, I gave birth to my beautiful daughter Kaliya. After I had her, life didn’t get better because after you have a child, there’s a reality check to come along and a lot of life learned lesson. But now things are going good for me. I’m working. Kaliya is in childcare and I am in my senior year of high school. Her father is still a pain in the butt and still isn’t any help. But hey, I made it this far without him so I know the sky is the limit.

To all the other teenage mothers out there, I’m 17 years old and doing it on my own. If I can do it, I know you can to. All it takes is faith, strength, and courage.

Is it wrong for me to want that something special

Wazzup {Standupgirl}

I really want to have a baby! I know that, that may sound so crazii. But sometimes, I feel so lonely. Having a baby can change a lot that goes on in my world. I will have someone that will love me unconditionally. I know that many girls talk about how getting pregnant is a huge mistake. But I also hear a lot of them saying how much they love their child after it is born. Is it wrong for me to want a baby so badly?

{{{{{{{{{{Mz. Wanna Boo}}}}}}}}}