im back

Haven’t been on here in forever. But I am 35 weeks now, almost time for my baby to be due.

I am very excited.

im 18 and lost..

It’s been just over 2 weeks since the procedure and I’m still so torn.

The man I was with left me the DAY OF! When he convinced me to give it all up. I don’t get the support from him, he has not been talkin to me since before that day! I thought I’d be okay with him by my side afterwards and he’s not and I feel regret because I didn’t make this decision determined by my heart. I was convinced by a selfish boy and it’s so hard to deal with this loss. I feel like I have a broken heart that can not be mended because I gave up on giving a life that I wasn’t ready to give up </3

Idk how to really work this site… I’m new at this… but I really need help. My friends just don’t understand where my head and unstability is at…

Just do it?

So I’m back at square one… Almost two years, after we first decided to start trying for a baby, I’m back to being jobless and without a flat with my fiancé.

We’re back to living at our parents and I feel so frustrated. I didn’t lose my job because of me but because a few thousand mega-rich idiots couldn’t do their job well enough and have caused an economic downturn which has meant that my company hasn’t the funds to keep paying my salary. I just feel like if I had sat on my butt and not had any form of drive to do things off of my own hard work, I would have had more in life than I do now. I feel like I should have had no ambition or sense of direction and had made no decisions with my life at all. It sucks that I have to now go and seek housing aid. I hate that I have to sign on to receive benefits. But this is where life has brought me. And you can say ”well if you had a degree blah blah blah…” Uh no…. My mother’s friend’s older sister is 40 and was so on top of her career and was made redundant too… Now they’re worried for her because her career was her life and now she has no career, she has gone missing with nothing really to live for.

I feel like I shouldn’t even wait anymore for that ‘perfect time’ to try to conceive again. I’m going to start in the new year and not stop, take breaks or anything… It will be my mission. I feel a little unsure though…should I wait? Am I being irrational? If I can’t ever really be sure about money. then why waste my time and eggs waiting for a perfect time?

I just feel like I’m in the land of nowhere right now. And I’m seeing so many of my friends having their babies and it makes my longing so strong.

I can’t even speak to anyone and I feel so alone when it comes to this… Help.

Peanut

Everyone knew by the end of the week. Our parents knew by the end of the night. A decision was made before the end of the weekend. I thought it was the right one. I had dreams to follow, plans for my future, events to attend. I fought with him on it because my parents convinced me it was the right thing.
He hated it. They knew it. I didn’t even get time to research, not even a little bit. His parents told me to wait, to give it time. They were convinced. Abortion was the way to go.

She said we would go Friday. She woke me up Tuesday, took my phone. He didn’t know. It wasn’t fair.
I couldn’t stand the car ride. I hated her for doing this. You were my baby, not hers. I knew it was the wrong choice, but I couldn’t stop it. I was trapped. She took me in. I filled out the paperwork.
The loneliness, the room, it is all a blur.
The nausea never stopped. It hurt so much, physically, emotionally. I hated the feeling.
He came to see me, cried with me, comforted me. He hated it but he loved me, he loved me.

I sit here now. Tired, filled with sorrow. the pain still fills me now, physically & emotionally.
I now suffer from an iron deficiency, and drawn out irregular menstrual cycles. I am too tired all the time to have any fun with my friends. He has to take care of me now. I have to rest more often, eat more regularly, and take my pills.

Do you see what you did to me now? Do you see how I now have pain everyday? Do you see how your disregard for my feelings hurt? Do you see me?

I am sorry, peanut. Daddy and I loved you from the very beginning. You were a product of pure love. We loved the idea and feeling of you. Daddy and I are sorry.

You will come back to us when God says it is your time. You will always be our little peanut. Mommy promises.

Love you forever, peanut,

Mommy & Daddy

my big surprise

I’m 19, just split up from my boyfriend and was hoping to start college in September like most teenagers until I found out I was pregnant.

I hadn’t had a period since February and six pregnancy tests told me I wasn’t. So in August, I went to my doctor who wanted to test me for polycystic ovaries. My blood test result came back as cystic ovaries. The doctor sent me to have an ultra scan. When I lay on the bed, I looked at the screen. I couldn’t see my ovaries. There was a baby. Turns out I was 15 weeks along. I couldn’t have an abortion as much as my parents wanted. When I told my ex I was pregnant, he denied it was his. Now I’m faced with life as a single mum with hardly any support.

I’m now 21 weeks along and just found out I’m having a little girl.

i Cant’t wait now !

At first, when I found out I was pregnant again, I was really nervous and scared about going through childbirth again. But after discussing things with my partner and midwife, I feel a lot more confident.

I went for my first scan on Friday, and my baby’s really healthy so far. I’m glad I’ve got my life back on track since having my first baby, and that I’ve sorted my relationship out. I’m now back and engaged with the father of my to be second child. He’s been so good with my first child and is like a real dad to her. I’m really happy at the moment and everything at my work’s going really well.  I just can’t wait to be a mummy again, and this time, I feel even more confident than when I had my first one, because this time, I have more people around me to support me.

I will write back after my next scan, and tell you what I’m having.
x