Alright, so it’s February 24, and my anniversary with Ben is coming up on Saturday(2.26) I’m so excited! We’re gonna spend the entire day together with our friends and its just gonna be an awesome day. Four months has gone by really really fast.. It’s crazy! but I wouldn’t take back these four months for anything.

So  stuff has happened over the month I wasn’t on.. I sent bailey a message on facebook, and this is what it said.

ME: bailey, I thought you got the message. I don’t want to talk to you. After the way you were a total jerk, I want nothing to do with you. I tried being friends before and all you did was push me away. I don’t get why you keep trying to friend request me or anything cause I don’t want to talk to you, at all. I’ve moved on and i don’t want to be friends and its funny cause now I’m in a relationship with this guy who actually respects me and my boundaries. I didn’t want to get fingered that night, at all, or give you a HJ. And funny thing is, I could’ve been pregnant right now almost 9 months, and my wagon hitched to yours. You would’ve drove me absolutely crazy but then God gave me a second chance at life, not being pregnant and let me find this new guy that I am absolutely crazy about. I know you’re saying you could care less about the guy I’m with and I could care less about the chick that you’re with too. It’s just interesting to compare you two. Me and him actually spend time together and don’t make out the entire time I’m over at his house. We hang out in this big group, we don’t hang out alone and just make out the entire time. It’s such a difference, and I actually really like it. it’s such a nice change. I hope life is going just superb for you? And too be honest.. that night actually haunts me. I get flash backs, nightmares of what could be right now or later in life, and i’ve only been swimming once or twice since that night. If I would’ve known what an impact it would’ve had on me… I wouldn’t have gone to Lake Powell with you. And sometimes I wonder what actually went through your mind when you said “i love you” to me, if you actually meant it, or if it was just something you threw out like hello. well anyways, I think you get my point, I don’t miss you, or anything we did together. I’m not gonna say sorry.. Cause this is really how I feel, and I really don’t want another friend request.. so don’t send me one or text me or call me. I hope you’re relationship is going good with your chick.
See ya kid.

P.S. don’t reply.


and here’s what he said.

HIM:I’m Sooooooo Sorry I didn’t mean to push u away I was just freaking out and stuff !!! I really did like you and ever since then I haven’t kissed a girl I regret doing that and will you just forgive me!!! And you can’t Forget all the good times we had too!!! And I have night mares too and I hope your doing good with your bf and He better be as hot as me ha ha jk!! Can we not hang out either??? Like in a group if we all go to sierra’s and I won’t sit by you I won’t hug you I just want you to forgive me !!! I am really really sorry what else can I do to make it up to you ??? Oh and I’m ok with my gf. And how are you with your bf??? And you should give me a chance to be your friend and prove to u that I have changed!!! Every day at basketball we have team talk and it’s a saying that reminds me of us and how I screwed up it’s this ,” no drugs no beer and no putting girls in bad situations the first time I said that I honestly started crying! Well not like full on crying but tearing up and wanting to curl up into a ball!!! Every day I say it no drugs no beer and no putting girls in a bad situation I want you to know how sorry I am I really am I think of you often and how we or mostly you were so innocent and then I did bad stuff!!

PS you were my first kiss I just wanted to seem cool in front of Luke!!! Please please please forgive me and give me a second chance to prove to u that I have changed!!!


I didn’t write back. I wanted to get my point across to him that I didn’t miss him. And then today he texted one of my best friends and said that I called him a rapist! I didn’t put that word in my message once. I wanna reply back to him and start going crazy at him, but I wont.. I’ll keep my cool.

I could’ve been pregnant right now. Almost the full 9 months. March 3 was the due date. I wouldn’t have been prepared at all to take care of a kid and to give birth to one!

I just wanna be a teenager right now you know? And experience life to the fullest.