Things have just gotten so bad. I don’t know how to maintain my sanity without being spiteful, mean, crude, and sinful. I have gotten into a horrible fight with my son’s father who has, as a result, turned on his own child and says he doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore. He doesn’t want to take on his responsibilities. He’s been doing them for almost four years.  It was like a slap in the face for him to even say that to me. I felt it in my heart and the pain I felt was more for my son than me. How do you just give up on your child that you supposedly love? How can you look at yourself and call yourself a MAN OR WOMAN? In this case a “MAN”. Of course, I sent mean texts and I am fighting back the urge to say a lot more, but I can’t stop these tears… It’s bad enough that we take out our frustration on other people and I’m even worse for doing it to my son. I FEEL like a monster, a devil, like I am no better than an abuser.

EVERYDAY is a struggle for me: Going to school full time, Pregnant for two different guys and unsure of who the father is…Being unemployed, trying to raise my son who is late in talking. I feel everyday like I’m taking one step forward and two step back. I don’t know what I should do, which road to take, how to even hold myself together. If I could have seen all this coming from high school, I would have done so many things differently, but then again, I wouldn’t.

I spent so many tears today that I didn’t think I could cry anymore…Even now as I write this, tears trickle down my face…Its 4:28 am. I’m suppose to be sleeping to wake for 6am, catch the bus at 7:23am, be at school for 9am.=, and have a late class on top of it…I don’t know, I don’t know how i will make it thru this day… And on top of that, I have a psychology test based on three chapters…I haven’t felt like giving up for such a long time…And I’m at my breaking point.