Dear Becky,

I’m not normally one to ask for help but right now I’m so confused and very not sure what to do. In December, two years ago, I aborted a baby to make my bf at the time happy. He told me we would be together and he would never leave me. I was wrong. Last year, on the one year anniversary for aborting the baby, I ended it. For the last year we haven’t been together I started to see other people. It wasn’t set in stone if I was gonna date this new guy, but he likes me and I like him. Well I just found out we are expecting a baby. I promised my mom I wouldn’t have another one. I can understand I was extremely depressed and I cried for months. I’m pretty sure I just came to terms with the the choice I made before.The thing is this baby is due the same day the other baby was born .

My BF told me he isn’t ready for another baby cause he is just trying to get use to my daughter, who he just met.  I’m not sure bringing this baby into this mess is the right thing, plus I want to go to college and make a life for myself and my daughter and be married and have house and stable family before having more children. Is that a bad thing or good? I don’t want to go through another abortion, but I really don’t know my options. I would let it go to a family who can’t have children, but I’ll have my daughter’s feelings to to think about. I just need to talk to someone who isn’t family and isn’t involved with any of this.

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Hi,

Thanks for writing.  It’s good to talk with you.  I am sorry to hear that you are going through this right now.  My heart goes out to you.

One of the last lines in your email stood out to me.  You would be willing to make an abortion plan for your baby, but you have your daughter’s feelings to think about.  Adoption is a very loving decision, but abortion is not.  If it were me I would much rather tell my daughter that you loved this baby so much that you found a wonderful family for him or her to live with than tell my daughter that you killed her brother or sister.

Have you had the opportunity to learn more about adoption?  Here is a great website that will be of help: http://www.bethany.org/main/pregnancy-resources/choosing-adoption.  Have you heard about open adoption?  An open adoption allows you (and your daughter) to have contact and communication with your baby if you choose to place him/her with an adoptive family.  You will be able to spend time together and get to know each other.  It really is a wonderful thing! Your baby will be able to know you and love you and have a wonderful family that can take care of her for you.  There is no doubt about it, adoption is a hard choice, but sometimes the best choices are the most difficult.

But you may decide that adoption is not right for you.  You can parent your child.  Parenting is difficult, but so are all of your choices right now.  Let me refer you to a pregnancy resource center.  The pregnancy resource center can help you with your financial and material needs during and after your pregnancy.  They are there to help and support you through everything.  Just go to: http://www.optionline.org/ or you can call 1-800-712-HELP.  At the website all you have to do is type in your zip code in the gray box on the right and a list of centers will appear.  Just call the center and tell them that you are considering parenting your child and you need free help.  They will be happy to help you.

Please don’t put yourself through the pain of having another abortion.  Abortion is never a solution to a problem; it just adds to the problems that you already have.  In your email you said that you got your first abortion to make your boyfriend happy, but having an abortion did not solve any of your problems.  I would hate to see you make the same mistake twice.

You know, I think you have what it takes to be an excellent mother.  Your situation is not hopeless.  If you think about it, no child is born into a perfect situation.  Sometimes all the pieces in life just don’t add up and you have to roll with the punches.  You are in a difficult situation, but I believe in you.  You already are a parent so you know the ropes.  You are not going into this blindly.  If you did it once, I know that you can do it again.

I’m here to talk, write back any time.

Much love,

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Dear Becky-

I decided to keep the baby. I was in contact with midwives. And just waiting to hear back. Thank you for the answer I was looking for : )