At first I was excited and looking forward to the baby, I couldn’t wait to get home to tell my boyfriend. On my way home all I could do was day dream about prams and cots and baby’s first day of crèche, and how we are going to live happily ever after.
After telling my boyfriend, who was calm and blasé about the whole thing, I suddenly had a dose of reality, that’s when I thought of my parents, more particularly, my mother as my dad had passed on 9 years ago. What will I tell my mother, how will I do it… what if she kicks me out? , which was most likely to happen. To make matter’s worse, I am living in a foreign country due to studies and my boyfriend is from a totally different country as well…
Dear Becky — Here is my story.
I found out I was pregnant sometime during October 2007.
At first I was excited and looking forward to the baby, I couldn’t wait to get home to tell my boyfriend. On my way home all I could do was day dream about prams and cots and baby’s first day of crèche, and how we are going to live happily ever after.
After telling my boyfriend, who was calm and blasé about the whole thing, I suddenly had a dose of reality, that’s when I thought of my parents, more particularly, my mother as my dad had passed on 9 years ago. What will I tell my mother, how will I do it… what if she kicks me out? , which was most likely to happen. To make matter’s worse, I am living in a foreign country due to studies and my boyfriend is from a totally different country as well… We just met here in South Africa.
More worries came, for example I was worried that I will not only be kicked out and disowned by my mother, I will also end up raising the baby alone as the dad will most certainly go back to his country. I had no idea what to do but I was determined to keep my baby. The weeks flew by so fast and I was “ excited” so to speak until I was about 14 weeks and people started finding out, I still haven’t told my mother and I thought, now will be the time to tell her before she finds out from someone else..
For days I couldn’t find the words, I kept hinting at it and she kept trying to avoid the subject. In the end, I decided an abortion was the only option I had, I mean I could have kids in future right?
I then visited the local abortion clinic and like fresh produce, the procedures had different price tags depending on how far along one is… I was 16 weeks by then… and it was going to cost R1670, roughly $215. I could also choose the method I was most “comfortable” with.
I started doing some research on the different methods. Every time I read up on the methods used, I felt sick, how could I possibly do this to my baby? You see, I have had an abortion before, never even knew it was possible to terminate a pregnancy until I was taken to our family doctor , back then I had no clue as to what was happening or the exact implications of the termination as I was only 17. Now I can make my own choices (at least I felt I can). I was dead scared of my mother’s reaction thou and I still planned to go through with the abortion. Every day I read up on the methods, every night I cried thinking about it. I also visited the abortion clinic on a regular basis and each time I ran out just before the procedure. At this stage, I was about 19 weeks along and I found out was a boy as I was still going for my ante natal check ups have started kicking lightly.. The kicks where more frequent when I read up on these methods.
Most days I couldn’t sleep as I was feeling trapped, I really didn’t want to have an abortion but I couldn’t stand disappointing my mother either, this was despite the remarkable support I got from my boyfriend. I then started pushing him away.. I grew so miserable I cried myself to sleep every night;
In the end, I started loosing so much weight which was unhealthy for my baby and decided to stick to my decision of having him. I then came across the standup girl website and wrote to Becky. I mainly wanted someone to tell me that I made the right choice that I was not going to regret having the baby… Lisa replied to my mail instantly, she made me see reason and made me realise how lucky I am to be carrying such a gift. She became my rock, every time I had the thoughts of having an abortion, I emailed her and she got me to think straight again.
I gathered courage to tell my mother and as I expected, she didn’t want much to do with me, she promised to be there for me but have not stayed in touch as she used to. She ignored my text messages, emails and phone calls. This made me more miserable but I was still not convinced it’s reason enough to have an abortion, my school work started to suffer, I was no longer interested in studying, all I did was sleep.
The next few months were horrible, up until my 7th month of pregnancy, at this stage I have read half the stories of other girls on the standup girl website and realized that I was not alone, there were others in much worse situations than I was and yet they overcame everything. I then started embracing my pregnancy and baby, I began to interact with my baby and as soon as my frame of mind changed, my baby‘s kicks became a sense a joy and pride, I loved every minute of it. I didn’t care about anyone else and I couldn’t worry less about what people thought, including my mother.
On the 27th of June 2008, Jaden Damion Alexander was born, at 4.06kg and 50.5 cm; he was one healthy big, beautiful boy. I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I told my mom and she was in love with him instantly.
He is the light of my life, the inspiration I have to live life to the full. Life has never had so much meaning for me before. Jaden is 3 months old now and has his own personality, every time he smiles my heart melts. He is the richest blessing my boyfriend and I have received and our hearts wants to burst with love and pride at every waking moment… He is our happily ever after.
I would advise anyone going thru a tough pregnancy to choose life, there is no greater joy than knowing you helped bring someone into this world. Babies are such a treasure and being able to carry one is the greatest gift of all. Yes it is tough at first but the rewards are endless in the end. It’s a decision no one will ever regret.
Dearest Marcia – I can only say wow! What a beautiful story and how I know that this will definitely touch many hearts out there. Often times we think that we are so alone and that we are the only one experiencing these things. What a comfort it is to find a place, like Stand Up Girl, where so many others can come and share their experiences with each other.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. Jaden is absolutely beautiful!
Luv Lisa
