When I was 8 years old, my uncle started abusing me. At the time, I was scared, vulnerable, and confused. I never knew quite what was happening. I mean, what 8-year-old girl would understand what was happening. As I grew up, I started to realize what was happening to me.

To this day, I suffer from flashbacks every time I hear his name, or see something that reminds me of him.

My uncle continually raped me until the age of 14. It lasted 7 years. Then my parents and I moved away. By this time, I didn’t know what was happening in my body. I was pregnant from rape. I dropped out of school. I had no friends. No support. It’s like my life was wiped away from under me.

I was 2 months into my pregnancy by the time I realized that I was pregnant. I kept my baby. But at the time, I was also anorexic. My pregnancy didn’t go as I would have wanted. My body couldn’t digest the amount of food I needed to eat. I was ill. My baby girl was ill. I was stupid and reckless.

I started hanging around with the wrong people and that also didn’t help. I just wanted friends. I wanted company. I needed it, I was going insane. Anyway, I did my nine months and I had my baby girl who even though she was born of rape. I loved her very much.

However, after giving birth, I had to go into surgery as I damaged myself severely. I went in to surgery and came out 4 hours later to find out that my little girl had died. I held her once. Once.

I cried and I cried… All my parents could say was thank God, you can have a future and go back to school and get a good job. My parents didn’t care. They were just glad. I can never have another child again. The surgery left me infertile.

All I can say is I will never forgive myself, my parents, or my uncle. I hate everyone now. I hate people, I hate babies, I hate children. But for some reason, I had to share my story and try and get it off of my chest. I’m glad that I spoke out. Hopefully this might help someone, the way I needed help.