It’s 11:55 pm and I’m just on this website because I don’t know where else to go. I keep writing blogs. none of my friends know what I’m going through. I just finished writing a blog maybe 4 hours ago and now I’m writing another one. I was just thinking about soo many things. I’ve been doing so much thinking that I’m starting to question many things. I wrote my baby a letter in a blog here and I was happy. I am happy. But I don’t know. I’m confused. I live in a hard area of Los Angeles to be pregnant. I live in a nice neighborhood where everything is well taken care of and I have a lot of friends and my parents have a lot of friends. But with having friends means gossip. I still haven’t told my parents, but I’ve been hearing people talk bout me and saying how much weight I gained. I’m sitting in my bed thinking. Like I said a million times. I’ve been thinking.

1) How can I have a child if I sometimes can’t even take care of myself

2) If I do adoption, could that be a good idea? But when I think bout adopting, I’m just imagining bout it and I don’t think I could really do it. And I can’t do it and the baby isn’t even born yet.

3) Am I being selfish for not putting my little angel in good hands? But how do I know that they’re really in good hands? What if I’m a better mother than the adopted parents? What if my daughter would be happier with me than her adopted parents?

4) What is the best thing for me to do? Drop out of school and actually raise my child? Well, I don’t think so thinking bout it. I really don’t want to be at school though and I want to stay with my child, but I know that I need schooling too.

5) Am I thinking too much? Am I being too dramatic?

God help me