Your life has taken an unexpected turn and it is time to make a new plan! There are probably lots of things on your mind and perhaps it is hard to think clearly because you are afraid and feeling vulnerable. You are a mother and have a little one to take care of now.
The good news is, you can do it! Many other women have found themselves in your situation and have come out of it as stronger women and wonderful mothers. This is going to be a very difficult time for you and the next couple of years raising a toddler will not be easy either. However, if you work through your life a day at a time and make the most important things your priorities, you will not get as overwhelmed.
The most important thing to do right now would be to surround yourself with loving, supportive people. Do not be afraid to reach out! Look around for a young moms group or drop by a local pregnancy center where you can find many resources. Attend groups where you will discuss everything from pregnancy, relationships, nutrition, childbirth, to all the practical aspects of bringing your baby home. You can also find immediate assistance with food vouchers, maternity clothes, baby clothes, prenatal vitamins, baby equipment and much more. People are at the centers to respect your privacy while giving you love and practical support. Trust me, I know this from experience. With my first pregnancy, I spent much time at a local pregnancy center. At first, the idea of dropping in was very intimating and I felt embarrassed that I needed help. Before long, I felt quite at home and was so grateful for all their help.
Once your immediate needs are taken care of, you will be in a better place emotionally to start planning your future. Do not think that just because you are pregnant or have just had a baby that you will not have a future. You could receive grants to go back to school as a single mother and there is also childcare funding available. Ultimately, the best place to go for information regarding education would be to go speak with a financial aid officer at your local college or university. They will be able to connect you with all the resources you need in order to further your education.
Think about marriage long and hard. An important part of your future will be what role the father of your child plays in your life and your child’s life. Marriage can provide mutual aid and support for a lifetime, but keep in mind that unless you build your marriage on a strong foundation, it can fail. If the father of your child refuses to play a role in his child’s life, remember that he cannot escape financial responsibility (which is often why men are so insistent on abortion). You should seek legal advice on this matter (ask at your local town hall for access to free legal advice) and have an order for child support put in place.
Planning your new future can seem overwhelming at times, but do not give up! Day by day, you will work through this. If you are looking for further resources, an excellent website to look up is www.singlemom.com
Never forget, you have the power in you to give your little child and yourself a hopeful future.
The father’s 37? He’s my age and I do understand what you’re going through. People like me have a knack for being stupid at times and getting involved with really young girls who’re innocent (as compared to us) gives a real high. Enough of that. When I remember the fact that there was a time that I didn’t want a child and I lost that child, I really kick myself in the butt. I lost and turned my back on a God-given angel! He may not want the baby now, but it’s really not up to him.
Killing a baby is not something you want to do just to protect the interests of a person who doesn’t want the responsibility. Please do not get the abortion. Trust me, if this man leaves you because of this, you will get over it. If you kill your baby, that will haunt you until you die and though your baby may forgive you, your pain and guilt will always run after you.
One thing most girls make the mistake with is when they think that the best way to keep a man is by always giving him what he wants. Many times though, guys don’t know what they want and especially what they actually need.
A good number of times, what we really are looking for is someone who will stand up for what is right, someone who is strong enough to tell us what is truly important and valuable. If we find that a woman can decipher what is really good and valuable as compared to what is hip and passing, then it may be time to get hitched.
Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I’m a sinful bastard and I’ve had my share with playing with young girls. What really makes me stick to my wife is that whenever I do something wrong or want to choose something wrong, she points out in a very firm way what is really meaning and actually meaningful to me so that I don’t just go through life living as if nothing is important.
Stand you ground and do what this site says, “Stand Up, Girl”! Show him how valuable his child is by showing him how much you want to keep the baby because it really is the right thing to do. If he can’t see that this is murder or he’s just willing to kill his own baby, then maybe he really isn’t worth it. A man is supposed to lay down his life for his wife and his children and it’s supposed to start now. If you’re able to make him grow up by standing your ground, then you’ve actually done him an incredible favor.
Keep the baby and take heart. You’ve undoubtedly found many girls here who have babies from different fathers who were all dumb enough to turn their backs on their babies. The mothers? They’re having a hard time, but they’re reaping the benefits of having loved truly. They are being loved back and when the time comes, those babies will really show that keeping them was the best idea ever.
Take care, honey. Show that man what’s right.
Erick
Twins appear to kiss in the womb. A twin leans over and kisses the cheek of her sister in a heart-warming picture that would not be out of place in any family home.
Yet these siblings are not even born and the astonishing images have been captured on a new ‘four-dimensional’ ultrasound scan of the womb.
The scans are a highly developed form of traditional ultrasound where very high-frequency sound waves are used to produce images of what is inside the body.
As with older forms of ultrasound, sound waves a emitted from a transducer, or probe, which is placed on the mother’s abdomen and then moved to ‘look at’ areas in the uterus. These sound waves bounce back off the fetus, helping to create a ‘picture’ of the child on a screen.
The new 4D scan uses the same frequency of sound waves as in a normal ultrasound. But the sound waves are directed from many more angles, producing a ‘real-time’ video of the fetus as it moves and allowing scientists to say the images are in four dimensions.
With every day that passed, I hoped to wake up and discover that I had started my period and that things would be alright for me. But every day that went by without it, I felt more and more terrified that maybe my initial thoughts about being pregnant were right. I was pretty scared and had just moved to a new school, so I didn’t have any real friends to talk to about it. I just couldn’t let myself know that I was pregnant because I never thought it could happen to me.
Dear Becky — I’m new to this site and have found the testimonies and stories very heartwarming, and have heard from some very amazing, strong young women here.
I’m 18 years old, and though I never gave birth to my baby, I still consider myself as having been a mommy. The chain of events that led to this story began around my birthday this past year, which happens to be around Christmastime.
The week before Christmas, I felt funny, especially since I missed my period, which never had happen to me before. I started thinking about possible explanations for this and finally settled upon the thought that maybe my eating patterns caused this delay with my period.
Somewhere in the back of my mind, I held a very scary thought that maybe I could be pregnant. But I was in a deep denial, being only 17 years old, and already had a lot to deal with, just having been kicked out of my guardian’s home and living with my grandma, who previously had raised my sister and I from 9 months old until I was 14. With every day that passed, I hoped to wake up and discover that I had started my period and that things would be alright for me. But every day that went by without it, I felt more and more terrified that maybe my initial thoughts about being pregnant were right. I was pretty scared and had just moved to a new school so I didn’t have any real friends to talk to about it. I just couldn’t let myself know that I was pregnant because I never thought it could happen to me. I could never ever tell my grandma, who I consider my mom, and I would never let anyone, lese in my family know because their worst fears of me following in the exact footsteps of my parents who had my sister and I young and still in high school. I knew they would all think of me as a reckless, careless, irresponsible, lost, and corrupted naive girl, so telling anyone in my family was not an option.
During this time, I hadn’t taken any pregnancy tests, so one might think I was worrying for nothing. But sometimes, you just have these feelings, gut instincts and intuition, and I knew despite my denial, what the reality of the situation really was. After having suspicions for two weeks after my missed period, my boyfriend decided to take me to get an at-home pregnancy test, just to be sure that I wasn’t. He’s 19 years old and recently graduated culinary school and maintains a stable job at a restaurant as a chef.
Naturally, being so young and fresh out of school, he had plans and hopes and dreams of a bright future for us, saving up money so that we could afford a place of our own together some day in the future. So this missed period really did give him a scare.
We knew how young we were and how difficult it would be, but his paranoia and nervousness in combination with mine led us to seek results as soon as possible. So after returning from the pharmacy, I went to the bathroom, treading with heavy steps.
After taking the test and waiting for the results, I had this really nauseous feeling in my stomach, all the knots of anxiety and hope, fear and excitement. I held my breath as I looked at the test with the corner of my eye, dreading this little device that would determine our future and change my whole life. Part of me didn’t want to even know what color the strip would turn, I was in such a state of denial and hope that things would be OK, but I knew that ultimately I had to look. In the few seconds before I looked at the test, my heart was already confirming what I had felt weeks prior, deep inside, in the back of my mind. There were two pink lines. My mind immediately went in a frenzy. I felt dizzy and helpless, shocked and just completely surprised. I never would have imagined that something like this could happen to me.
I had to tell my boyfriend, who was waiting patiently in his bedroom, awaiting our future. I laid down next to him as his anticipating eyes met mine, and my heart was beating so fast and I felt so lightheaded that I’m surprised I made it to his room without falling as I had felt so in shock that my legs might suddenly give out from right underneath me. I had thought right then what to say to him but when I opened my mouth, my throat had locked and I felt this lump like when you try to hold in really heavy tears and sobs, and he just looked at me, waiting for me to speak. I finally brought myself to say, “You’re gonna be a daddy,” surprised at even my own announcement.
After having known him for over 4 years and dated for 2, I felt immense trust and love towards him that I knew he would support me in any decision or route I chose to take. He smiled and hugged me, holding me tight, as we lay together, just contemplating, getting used to the feelings, just trying to calm ourselves for this sudden great news.
He promised me that no matter what, he would always be here for me and that we would keep our baby, however difficult life would become. I wasn’t as afraid before now that I was sure I had someone to lean on. We knew we couldn’t do it alone so we told his parents and surprisingly they were very reassuring and supportive having been young parents themselves and been in our footsteps. We scheduled a doctor’s appointment the next day and confirmed the pregnancy. Scared but excited, I continued to what I thought would be an average day happy that things seemed like they would be OK. As of that time, I had moved in with my best friend so that I could finish my senior year at the same high school I had been attending.
I was excited to start the new semester and what a dream rooming with my best friend. But that day I started bleeding, and got really scared at what that might indicate, my first thoughts were pessimistic, but my friend and I did research and convinced ourselves that it was normal. But I felt really weird about it and we decided to see a doctor. I didn’t have insurance at the time and no job so I couldn’t even see a real doctor to help me because I couldn’t afford the costs. So my two best friends and I went to a Planned Parenthood nearby, hoping to get some answers and help.
After being admitted and having heard how nice and friendly people at these clinics were, I felt comfortable enough to fill out a sign in form. Minutes later, an attendant informed me that I would not be able to talk to anyone there because I had chosen to keep my baby and they only wanted to see people if they chose abortion. I was appalled at how coldly I was treated and how unfriendly and shrewd that woman was. So we left without having any other further business there. The mention of abortion made chills run up and down my spine.
Though I was brought up religiously, it had nothing to do with my beliefs about abortion. I just knew that I would and could never do that to my baby so abortion was definitely never even a thought or option for me at all.
After the bleeding lasted 4 days, I went to another doctor since I had money and they referred me to an ob/gyn specialist. I was scared at what they might tell me. Before going, my boyfirned and his parents had talked about the situation and had decided that it was a miscarriage. It made me mad how carelessly and quick they were to assume such a horrible thing, but in my mind, I feared they were right.
Weeks passed and after having taken a blood test, after being referred to another doctor again, I awaited results. I called the doctor and nervously awaited. Then she said that results indicated that I wasn’t pregnant anymore, and I was at least glad at the moment that she spared me from using any crude terms to describe it. I was really really sad about it that day but had kind’ve already cried it all out the week before when I convinced myself and prepared myself for the inevitable results. My friends tried to tell me that it happened for the best and that I just wasn’t ready but I never really discussed with them how happy I was and excited for my baby, a baby conceived of the love my boyfriend and I shared. We had thought about whether it would be a boy or a girl and how our baby would look, everything about everything.
It was all a pretty heartbreaking experience, and then life went on with my boyfriend and friends and his parents, no one talking about it, acting like nothing ever happened, just saying how I shouldn’t dwell on it. But every time I see someone with their baby or hear a baby cry or smile, it makes me sad to think of what ours would have been like. At only 8 1/2 weeks old, their life had already ended.
Even though my baby wasn’t very old and still small, I considered our little joy already part of the family which is why it pained me so much. I used to blame myself and wonder what I did wrong, cry out of nowhere sometimes, but I’ve come a long way now and am glad to have shared this with all the other people who suffer as well.
It hurts me to consider what a death it was, and I’m slowly getting over it learning to cope and get on with my life. One day, I will have the pleasure and excitement to experience another baby, and until then, I will enjoy every aspect of my life for what I can.
Dearest Erica,
hi, I’m Lisa and I am from the Stand Up Girl website. Thank you for your beautiful letter!
I just wanted to tell you … wow! What a beautiful heart of a mommy that you have. And also, what a wonderful Stand Up Girl you are. Though you were scared … you stood for what was right and you braved what was ahead of you. Good job Erica. It sounds like you have a wonderful Stand Up Guy too! I truly hope that one day down the road, when you two are married and the time is just right … you will have that perfect little baby to complete your family. Thank you so very much for sharing your heart with us and your story. You have such a wonderful way with words and your story, I’m sure, will touch the hearts of many girls. Who knows … perhaps it could even save a baby’s life. Thank you again for sharing your story. Let me know what you think.
Take care.
Luv Lisa
Okay, so you’ve probably seen this before but, hey, why not be reminded again this Valentine’s Day of the power and hope an innocent hug can convey. I guess it says that you don’t have to give yourself away, totally, physically, to be touched by the most basic human affection, solidarity, and love. It’s right there in a simple human gesture. The free hugs begun by Juan Mann (a pseudonym) reminds us that we are not alone. We share in one another’s tears and joys because we share a common humanity. Children seem to know this already and we, we may need to re-learn this simple message.
Here is Juan Mann’s account of how it all started.
I’d been living in London when my world turned upside down and I’d had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry-on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles. No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown. Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging, and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me. To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me. So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words “Free Hugs” on both sides.
And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one-year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other, and when we parted, she was smiling.
Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven’t compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile, even for a moment, is worth it every time.
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