cycle day 37

The wait until Sunday is killing me. Looking good though.

I’m all nerves!

Kidneys

I have three beautiful children. Liam is 6, Aidan is 4, and Makenzie is 20 months.

Within Makenzie’s first year of life, she had multiple urinary tract and bladder infections. We were unsure of why she kept getting these nasty and painful infections.

Finally at about a year old, when she had one of these infections, we went to see our family doctor. When we arrived, we were told our family doctor was away and a doctor specializing in pediatrics was in instead. So we saw this new doctor.

Immediately, she knew something wasn’t right and finally sent us for an ultrasound on Makenzie’s kidneys and bladder.

At the ultrasound appointment, I remember sitting with Kenz as the technician called in another college and then the senior technician. Finally, the senior technician explained to me that Makenzie has an abnormal kidney system on the right side.

After the ultrasound, we were sent to the Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto to see a pediatric urologist and have more tests done on Kenz. Finally at the end of September, we had the most important test done. A kidney function test.

Let me explain what Makenzie’s kidneys look like. Normally, a person has a right and a left kidney with a ureter coming down into the bladder. There is a little valve in the ureter which controls the flow of urine from the kidneys to the bladder. In Kenzie’s system though, her left kidney is normal but her right has another partial kidney attached to the top of the normal portion of the kidney. She also has a ureter coming from the top of the kidney and one coming from the bottom of the kidney into her bladder. The ureter coming from the bottom kidney has a blockage in it which could potentially grow big enough to burst or just become cleared by normal bodily function. Her upper ureter has severe reflux, meaning that the valve isn’t mature and urine is going back up into the kidney. This is what is causing her infections, as well as scar tissue in the kidneys.

The function test that they performed watched the kidneys function and when we found out the results of this test we’re now a little worried. Her left kidney has 100% function and is great. Her right kidney system however is not as good. The top portion of kidney has a function of less then 15% and the bottom portion has a function of just under 85%. What the doctors are worried about is that the lack of function in the upper part will affect the rest of the kidney and function will go down further in the bottom portion. So basically, we get to go back to be monitored some more and if the function does not improve or gets worse, then they want to remove the upper part of her right kidney.

Basically, I’m asking for prayers. A two year old shouldn’t have to go through a major surgery and I am praying daily that this will correct itself. She’s already been through so many tests and so many doctors. Surgery is not something I want for her.

Also, I would like to ask for prayers for something else. Makenzie’s kidneys may be the result of our genetics. My grandmother had both kidneys fail and my mother ended up donating a kidney to her about 10 years ago. My husband’s father died of cancer but when they were doing testing on him discovered that he was born with only one kidney. So they are thinking that it is an inherited problem somewhere in our gene pool. I’m also pregnant again and with having three kids and the potential for surgery for Makenzie, I could really use prayers that this baby is healthy and things go smoothly. When I go for the 18 week ultrasound, they are going to be paying extra attention to baby’s kidneys and prayers that they are normal and healthy would be wonderful.

Thank you all for your prayers.

finally!!!

Today Oct. 9th at 12:45pm, I finally found out I’m having a girl. I am so happy and excited.

still waiting..

Too exciting. Another day halfway over.

I’m so anxious. I can’t wait for each day. It feels like every day is filled with wonder. I decided to wait for Sunday morning to test. If I make it that far. today is cycle day 36. All symptoms same, plus a few I forgot to mention, heartburn & poor circulation. My breasts are still huge and very sore.

I feel as if I am almost certain this time. But then I say to myself, no… This just can’t be.

signs…?

I’ve had terrible headaches all weekend. So bad that I woke up on Sunday morning with a migraine & couldn’t fall back asleep. I had it for hours, even after I got out of bed. I’ve felt very achy and exhausted. My breasts hurt soo bad today that they even ache when I walk. Which is really rare for me. I’ve been sick to my stomach but that could always just be my chrons. My nipples are very tingly, which is also rare for me. And I keep having these twinges and pulling feeling but not really cramps at all. I am very bloated though, and lightheaded. The only other sign I have to add is, on Friday, I measured my bust & it was 35 inches. This morning, I measured my bust again and it was 36.5. My breasts also feel very full and heavy. hmm…

All I know is that I have still not gotten a period. So, there still is a chance. Today, I feel very happy about this. I started thinking about a neat way to tell the family & a different, special way to tell my husband.

So right now, I’m just trying to be patient and wait out the week. I promised myself I wouldn’t test until. I was at least a week late. Even though- going by a month in which I ovulated, I am already 4 days late (cycle day 35) but I am waiting until Saturday (cycle day 40)… Fingers crossed.

The real thing…not so real.

When I was 12, I moved to this town.

It was the end of the school year and he was the only person who would talk to me at the school I was going to. It was more of him saying hi to me and it made my day because no one talked to me or even really liked me there. Then I went away for the summer and the following year grade 7, I didn’t really talk to him because I made friends with these two girls. I spent most of my time with them but I really like that guy still and he was still in our class. I didn’t ask him out until the beginning of grade 8. It was the best year of my life. Me and my mother fought all the time about everything. He listened when I complained and held me when I cried. He was the most wonderful guy ever to me. He was the love of my life, although we had our rough patches and we were only 14. We broke up though at grade 8 graduation because he thought it would be best since in the fall, we would be going to different schools and I was moving into the country. I was really upset for a while but I got over it eventually with the help from one of my friends. My mom and I fought worse and worse as grade 9 started. It got really bad.

One night, I just needed someone to talk to. So I found his number and I called him. We talked for three hours about everything we had been doing school…and such. The next day we hung out…but he had a girlfriend so I didn’t do anything even though I still liked him soo much. We hung out a few days in a row and then he told me he broke up with his girlfriend because he wanted to be with me again. He missed what we had and he was hoping we could have that again. It was almost the end of October when we started dating again. We had started having sex using a condom and what not. Then in November, I went to school and it was last period in the gym locker room. I was talking to my friend about how I was going to see him after school and what not, and this girl came up to me and was like what’s his last name. I told her and she pretty much broke me by telling me that he was seeing her too and had been for two weeks. I was so mad. I almost cried but I thought whatever, I’m stronger then that. So after school, I went and confronted him about it. He’s like no, I know her but we haven’t been dating, she’s a liar. So I believed him and we went to his house and had sex but he didn’t have protection. I thought I would be alright because my monthly came a week before.

So then about a week later, I was really sick…and I kind of knew even though I hadn’t missed my period yet. The week after, I missed school three days in a row and he got mad that I hadn’t seen him nor was I talking to him so he dumped me. The end of the month came around and my period hadn’t came and I waited a week. Then one night, I was fighting with my mom…. I called him and I was crying he’s like another fight with your mom… I’m like yah but I have to tell you something. I’m pregnant… He went silent then said he had to go. I just sat up in my room and staired at the ceiling till the morning came. It was my 15th birthday and I didn’t go to school that day because I got barley got any sleep the night before. On the first of December, I hung out with him so we could talk. We walked down by the water despite the fact that it was freezing out…and colder there. We talked for about an hour. In that hour, he told me all the reasons why I had to have an abortion… I told him I couldn’t. Then we stopped talking until the middle of the month. He was the only person that knew. We started dating again…and ignored the fact that I was pregnant. Then I went away for Christmas vacation, only to find out he cheated on me again. So I dumped him via email. I didn’t talk to him till the end of February. Then we started dating again. Still no one knew but him and I and we never talked about it. We mainly hung out, had sex…walked around…and talked about everything but.

Then one day, I was sitting in English class and I felt my stomach move… It made the baby real… I realized I had to tell my parents I was almost six months. I told him I was telling my parents but he didn’t get the message till after my mother called his mom and he denied the baby was his. I was so upset…I told my best friend and she was mad at me for about 5 seconds. Then as usual, she started to plan everything out. Our lives we’re going to change majorly. I also found out that he had cheated on me again that I didn’t know about but he was with this girl since February. I stopped talking to him and focused all my attention on my friend, finishing grade 9, and getting everything ready for my baby. We talked once before my baby was born. It was just so he could tell me he was going away for the summer to Edmonton. I was like whatever, leave me alone.

Then on July 28th at 10:09pm, with my friend, her mom, and my mom present, I had Elizabeth-Anne Paige. She weighed 7 lbs. 8 oz.  I waited four days before I told her dad she came and we had a two second conversation. Mostly me telling him he had a baby girl. Then I hung up. He called me about a week after I had her and I told him I would meet him so he could see her. The first time he saw her…he cried when he held her. After that, we never saw him for a month or so. He was busy with school, football, and his girlfriend from the year before…and I was also busy with school and such. He saw her a whole 3 times till she was six months old. Then we started hanging out more and anytime she fell asleep, when we were at his place and his mom wasn’t there, we had sex…even though this was wrong because he had the girlfriend still. He started seeing his daughter more but he wasn’t really wanting to see her…mostly me. Then in June, I told him he either just sees her or I wasn’t going over there anymore. He told me no. So I packed my bags and moved to my dad’s house…not just cause of him but my mom and me fought extremely bad. I was hoping that would be mine and Elizabeth’s new start but it was lonely and I just wanted to come home the whole three months i was there. In September, I decided to come back to my mom’s and get my own place in town.

Right now, I am getting my own place and I’m back with her dad although I’m not sure if I want to be because I always have that thought in my mind like what is he doing when I’m not around? Who’s he with? I just don’t trust him anymore even though I want to so bad.