Hello , Im Jeshickah

I’m 16 ..I’m 32 weeks pregnant , and very excited .. I’m still so very young but I’m taking the responsibly of this little one.. I’ve been with the dad for a year now.. we are deeply in love.. Me and him have done tons of baby shopping and he got a new place that is stable for the us and the baby.. since we have met we haven’t gone more than a day without seeing each other..  hes 21 , the age doesn’t bother me nor my family.. But i’m under the ministry .. I was 15 when I got pregnant and since i was 15 almost 16 they charged him for sexual assault cause i wasn’t legal to make decisions..as hard as that is  I barley have any friends really.. I was into the pot and drinking , I never hung out with girls because they tend to start drama and such with my boyfriend and I , telling him I wasn’t good enough for him and everything trying to pull us apart.. So from a year ago its been me and my boyfriend.. Now since the RCMP put a charge on him , We aren’t allowed to see each other .. This is so hard.. I talk to him everyday and we really want to be together.. and we love each other.. He want’s to support the child and be a father , his whole life he hasn’t had blood related family.. and he’s been in an out of foster care intell he was able to get out.. I’m his only family now he tells me everyday he want’s to be with me for the rest of his life , I feel the same with him..even if we are young , we found true love with one another.. I live with my grandmother she has been raising my 3 brothers and 2 sisters since we were young , our parents left us for there selfish ways for alcohol and hard drugs.. My 2 older siblings have moved out ( my older brother has drug problems to and has anger issues)-( my sister has a drinking problem and anger issues ) so there’s me  and my 15 year old brother.. and little siblings age 5 and 7.. We live in a small home.. only 3 bedrooms .. The house is old and need’s alot of work on it.. But thing’s have been getting really hard the past couple of months.. I love kids and love my siblings..They were both born with crack or alcohol in there system so its really hard for them to cope and learn.. my brother/15 is into the pot and drinking..( Me and brother/15 are the only 2 out of the family that was born without drugs or alcohol) Thing’s are starting to really hurt me.. I’m loosing my brother to the pot.. I never see him hes always tucked in his room.. we use to be so close.. and my gramma is getting older and getting depressed , money is tight my older siblings take her for granted , they come over asking for money all the time.. calling her names.. Me and my brother and grandmother cannot stand up to my older brother.. you never know what he would do..So I have to sit here , and make sure when conflict goes on in the house i take the kids outside to play or take them to the other room so they don’t have to hear the fighting and swearing.. We have family conselling at the moment.. and it seems to help a bit..so to sum it up.. My gran mother is getting weaker , my siblings have a hard time listening , my brother/15 is distant.. and then there’s me.. Soon to be mother.. having to already care for my younger siblings , Clean everyday . help with dinner.. and i just got back into school at teen mother agency program.. I also have very bad back problems never mind being pregnant ( when i was 6 i was in a car accident , my brother couldn’t get his seatbelt on , so i took mine off and  got his on, once it clicked in ,all i remember is looking forward and hitting my back against the dashboard and being knocked out -which i do not regret at all , I don’t know what i would have done if he went through the windshield), so i can’t sit nor stand to long… I barely get sleep at night i get at least 6 hours from tossing and turning not being able to get comfortable.. On top everything I don’t have my boyfriend’s shoulder to lean on or to massage me, or to feel the baby move or go to prenatal classes with me.. so the moment being , my grandmother and I are trying to get visiting rights .. so he will be able to attend prenatal and the birth.. and visits.. as much as we want to be a family.. the goverment is stopping us.. there shouldn’t be another single mom out there.. hes my only mentally and emotional support I have , next to my grandmother .. I love him and i love my family.. but im getting exausted , sore , worn out.. i feel like curling up in a ball and not existing for a month so i can get some rest but i cant… my older brother puts me down all the time for having this baby , he call’s me many names and talks behind my back.. I don’t believe in abortion’s, i keep telling him that but he puts me down even more.. Im happy with my decision .. My point is.. All your girls out there.. Never give up! thing’s will come around.. The only thing you can do for you and the baby is to be a good roll model .. love him/her till the end.. Because in the end all you have is your family your memories through thick and thin.. and a very strong personality.. be strong and get through it!

Ps.. I’m looking forward to meeting my wee one.. I’m sure if its a boy or girl intell the due date -july 18th.. the baby is heathly .. all i need is my love .. and my family .. and hoping the charge against my love will be dropped..

Good night & take care.