Today is exactly two years ago since I had my abortion and it feels like I have not made one step closer to recovering.
I spent most of the night crying, the other having nightmares… I have my sonogram in my pocket today. I want my baby close to me… I wish I could make this pain go away, but it’s hard when I don’t have any support system at home from anyone. Everyone tells me to get over it. No one sits and tries to comfort me… It’s really hard… I wish I never did what I did. Any girl considering an abortion, please think long and hard about it. If it’s right for you, then do it.
It hurts twice as much if you do it for someone else and not yourself. I can tell you that much.
Well in little over a week, it will be 2 years since my abortion, and yet it still feels like it was last week.
I still have my sonogram from when I went into the clinic. My boyfriend doesn’t know I have it…but I needed something to remind me that my baby was real. I am trying my absolute hardest to come to terms with my decision, but I can’t. My boyfriend wants me to talk to someone in his church about it, but I can’t, especially someone from a church. I don’t want to be judged… This last Sunday, I went to church with him and they were starting off with their pregnancy resource center charity fundraiser event (of course). But that day, I heard word-for-word what I have been terrified about hearing going to church. I couldn’t help it, I started crying. It hurt so badly listening to that. I didn’t want my boyfriend to see, but he did. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to hear in my life. I know what I did was horrible, but I’ve never had to hear someone say exactly how horrible what I did was…
Why can’t I just get over my abortion!!? I want it behind me! I don’t want to cry every time abortion is mentioned! I don’t want to be jealous every time I hear someone is pregnant!
I just want my baby girl back… Is that so bad? My boyfriend said if I got pregnant again before we were married, he would marry me before the baby was born, but then how would I ever know if he married me because he wanted to, or just because he got me pregnant again? Last night, he told me that he doesn’t feel comfortable having sex with me because he’s scared that I will get pregnant again…I was already feeling horrible about everything that’s happened this week and now my boyfriend won’t even touch me?! Really?!?!
I want things to be like it never happened. But I always feel like I am carrying this guilt alone. He never shows any sort of emotion when it comes to this subject. Why can he get over it so quickly when I can’t? Someone, please help me! What did you do to get over your abortion? 🙁 🙁
I want to get pregnant again, more than anything in this world. I don’t know if I should do it or not…Help?
In my heart, I know it’s going to be alright if I get pregnant again… But I cant decide…
A part of me wants to get pregnant again on purpose. I’m back on regular birth control pills where I can control if I get pregnant or not again…
I don’t know if that’s a bad thing to do or if it’s a normal feeling. I’ve been having this dream over and over again where I’m 5 months pregnant, and everyone around me is happy and excited for me. I know that it’s my brain playing tricks on me in showing me what I really wanted to happen when I was pregnant last time… I have a confession. Last time, I did get pregnant on purpose; I wanted a baby, and then when I finally had one, I was happy, I wasn’t sad and I didn’t cry, I smiled for about 3 hours. But no one around me was smiling like I was.
I feel like I am much more mature than I was a year ago. I’m 19 now, out of school, in a very very stable relationship, and we are planning to get married =) But should I try to get pregnant again like I want to, and just not let him know my plans? Is that so horrible to want to do? This dream I’ve been having is just so vivid with emotions and feelings. I even feel my baby kicking in my tummy in the dream. For the last couple weeks, I’ve been really thinking I was pregnant again. I’ve been feeling sick all day long, I haven’t started my period, my boobs hurt, and I’m craving really random foods (last time all I could think about was having a thanksgiving dinner lol). But idk, I take a test and it says negative… So I have no idea what’s going on.
I really wish my boyfriend would understand my feelings a little bit more. Talking about it with him is truly therapeutic for me. My whole life, I’ve kept in all my feelings which has made me crack quite a few times. And now I finally have my soulmate where I can express everything I’m feeling, but I just feel like I can’t with this…. He knows I want a baby really badly. I’ve asked him a few times, if I got pregnant again, would he ask me to have an abortion again? And he said absolutely not, but idk what my mom would do. I know my dad would support me. He’s very against abortion as I am, but my mom has had 2-3 abortions in her lifetime so I know her opinion on the subject. She just doesn’t understand why I can’t get over it. She is always saying she got over it very fast, and I did some research. Women who do it on their own free will are less likely to have as much guilt about it as women who do it against their wishes. I just feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard spot. I want a baby more than anything, but I’m scared that if I do, my mom would kick me out of the house and I’d have nowhere to go, unless my dad takes me in. I’m not scared that I’ll lose my boyfriend, not one bit. He’s my rock, my everything, and he’s with me no matter what happens.
What should I do?? Help!
It’s coming up on the one-year anniversary of when I had my abortion…
The last few weeks, I’ve been having so many flashbacks of that day, it’s killing me. I keep having visions of what it would be like to have my baby girl right now. Taking her to all of my Christmas celebrations, my family asking me if they can hold her… It’s been so hard. On New Year’s Eve, it was especially hard. One year ago that day was when I conceived my baby… Instead of enjoying the night, I spent it crying in the arms of my boyfriend. Right now, I just need so much support from people, and I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to. My boyfriend doesn’t like talking about it because he has a really hard time expressing his feelings, which just makes me feel like I’m the only one carrying this burden when he tries to tell me that I’m not alone…
Please, I really need some help right now…
