It’s almost been a year since I terminated my baby. Tears are filling up in my eyes right now. it would’ve been my baby’s first Christmas. I would’ve been buying them presents and loving them. Instead, I am still mourning their loss and still loving them.
I have been trying to get pregnant but nothing seems to be working 🙁 Why can’t I get pregnant now? I just want him or her back. They were almost four months and I killed them. That’s like a little body with a heartbeat and a part of a brain. How could I do it? I don’t want to be alive anymore. People are going to judge you either way. It’s not worth having an abortion.
I don’t want to be here anymore. No one understands how hard it is to kill your own child. I just want them back. She would’ve been born now, in my arms as I type, and I would’ve been telling you all about her.
Praying everyday that I don’t get my period. then crying my heart out when I do, it’s no way to live. But I’m not ready to let go of my baby. I still have her photo. I’ll never be able to get rid of it. Never. It’s the last thing I have of her. I’m thinking of getting a tattoo with her name written across my chest so that she’ll always be close to my heart wherever I go.
You know what hurts the most? Missing my baby so much that I want to die. and knowing I’ll never see her ever. It’s the worst feeling in the world.
I just feel like I’m not worth anything anymore, am I? To everyone else in the world, I’m just some teenage trash who got pregnant and had an abortion. You know when I first found out i was pregnant, I was so ashamed of myself. I instantly thought of what my nana would think of what everyone would think. Not once did I think about myself and my baby. When I went to the abortion clinic for my first appointment and saw my baby on the screen and her little heart beat that was when it hit me
I had a baby growing inside of me. And she was beautiful. I changed my mind. I wanted to keep her so bad. But my boyfriend told me no. So I had the abortion and I’ve lived in pain everyday since.
I am in so much pain constantly emotionally. I had an abortion in February. I never wanted to do it. My boyfriend convinced me. He didn’t even come with me to the clinic. He picked me up but that’s all. I remember the night before the abortion, I was with my friend who was coming with me and I just cried and cried and cried. I didn’t want to go through with it. I was almost four months pregnant! it was weird because when I’d be walking, I’d always hold my tummy, not realizing I was even doing it.
I think I wanted to protect my baby. Even though I killed them in the end. It’s not easy. I think about my baby every day of my life. I cry myself to sleep most nights and have random breakdowns. I don’t regret getting pregnant. I regret the abortion. My baby would’ve been about a month old.
I’ll always be a mum, just my baby will be in heaven.
If I ever have any other children, I will make sure they know about their little brother or sister that is watching over them from heaven. I talk to her all the time and tell her I’m sorry. I just fear that she hates me. Cause I sure hate myself. I’d give up anything just to have her with me right now.
Even my youth worker told me to have the abortion. I would’ve done it though. I would’ve had a reason to live. Where as now, I don’t. I have a reason to die and that’s to go to heaven and be with my child.
Please consider EVERY option before abortion. You will regret it.
